Episode Transcript
FAWN: [00:00:00] When there is no village, when we feel like we have no one to call
when we feel like there's no support.
Life feels undoable
and finding friends. It feels like you're looking for that one right person. That one right job or the one right situation until things get better. And at the root of it,
our human connection or the lack of is to me the root of all our problems and all of our heartache. Friendship is not a side topic. It's not a side dish. it's a pathway to everything. And when it's missing,
everything falls apart from businesses, finances, family, community. Where's the village? Welcome back everybody. Welcome to our Friendly World.
MATT: Hello everyone.
FAWN: Yes. I'm crying
MATT: heavy. I'm
FAWN: upset.
MATT: Heavy.
FAWN: It [00:01:00] wasn't supposed to be heavy, but um,
it just is so out.
This is what happens when you don't have community, when there's no village, and you feel like you're all alone taking care of everything.
Small things like a pipe bursting and your house flooding, like you just can't handle normal daily life anymore.
Anyway, um, I actually had a great conversation with an old friend last night. Uh, an old friend, like we've known each other for, uh, a few decades. we were talking about business and I, I keep thinking, and this is what I've been saying all along, that friendship and business is not separate. So thinking about how do we get the clients that we want?
And we were talking about worlds like, my friend mentioned I would love to be in their world. And then I was saying that really [00:02:00] like, uh, like even with casting agents, I've been hearing this, that people can smell neediness. They can smell desperation, and no one wants any of that. But the thing is, we're human and we do need things and we, we do want things and.
I'm sorry, but that, that sense is in the air. So I was saying I think that we need to create our own world and create such beauty and such a, a state of total, I'm trying to think of the right word. Creating a life that is so delectable and delicious and we're so confident in knowing that our life is beautiful, like our place is the place we are it that we are amazing, [00:03:00] that we become in a way
so self-centered in some aspects that we are the key to things. That we are the one to stand up and bring about change. That we are the ones that will create a beautiful plate. We are the ones that can bring a beautiful home together. We are the ones that can initiate a beautiful gathering in business, in, in every aspect of life.
That I guarantee it will attract other people. 'cause I was saying, I bet you, I mean here we are, we're at a certain level and we're looking for clients that are at a higher level and we're here. We are talking about, yeah, wouldn't it be great to be part of their world, but guaranteed they're also.
Whatever level they're at, they're also saying, how can I be a part of this level? How can I be a part of this person's world? How can I be a part of this, uh, [00:04:00] this other world? They're also striving, so we're all wanting and needing things for the next level. Right. Am I right?
MATT: You're, you're right. And there are various and sundry I you oof You made me think about a story I read Japanese.
Mythology as not mythology, but Japanese folk tale where man tells his son he can have a wish to wish whatever he wants. And the the son wishes to become the son of a Lord. And he's like, oh, you wanna become the son of the Lord, but wouldn't it be, uh, a Lord, you know, a futile times. Uh, he was like, wouldn't you rather be the son of the.
Damo or the emperor. And he's like, well, yes. And I was like, but then even the emperor must bow to the sun and I, I can do many things with wishes, but I cannot make you a God. And then the sun finally chills out and says, you know what? My life's not so bad. What
FAWN: does that have to do with what I said though?
MATT: It's. Everybody is always trying to [00:05:00] get to that next level, their perception,
FAWN: right?
MATT: And sometimes it's important, but sometimes it isn't.
FAWN: But that, that creates the, the separation.
MATT: But that also creates a sense of lack
FAWN: and that creates that, and that is separation, right?
There's always a void,
MATT: right?
FAWN: So what I'm saying is we gotta come to a moment that is in every moment where we're like, this is it. My house is the best house. My, my work is amazing. My thoughts are amazing and beautiful, and this is it. I am the place where the party is. It will attract other people. It will attract the people you want.
Or you know what you don't want, but people will, will come around, 'cause you're the one to be with. You're the, you're, you are the place to be. You are the beautiful nature. So
what if friendship isn't about finding the right [00:06:00] person, but remembering we were never separate to begin with. That we're all wanting the same thing. We're all living in physical bodies that have needs. We all have needs so to, listen to these casting agents say, oh, you can't be needy.
You can't be wanting this job. Well, I want the job. I wanna do that job. That I wanna, I'm a creative, what kind of advice is that? You know, like, no, I want it, I wanna work for these people. Like, I wanna do this project.
MATT: And, and here's the fun part, right? All the opinions or opinions and everybody's got one, right?
You know, they, there was, there was a point in time, they said, if you're interviewing for a job before you leave the job. Dot, dot, dot. And you know, sometimes it was ask to see what the workspace would look like. Tell them you want the job, you know, so they don't have to guess, gee, this person really want this gig or not.
And, and the answer to that is always, [00:07:00] it depends whether or not that's a good thing to do. It always depends the answer to everything it feels like in those kind of situations where somebody's trying to tell you to either turn left or turn right is sometimes you should turn left and sometimes you should turn right and you're maybe not even gonna have a clear understanding of, of when.
FAWN: Look, all I'm saying in this particular case is. What if we're not looking for the right job or the right person, but what if we just go back to realizing that we are all the same thing. There is no separation of this job or that job. What if we step out to several universes away and realize it's all one little dot, it's all one cell.
It's all. Nucleus, we're in it, we are the nucleus, like all of that. But the more you magnify it and separate it, you see nothing but void in separation. Like an [00:08:00] atom is 99.9%.
MATT: Nothing.
FAWN: Nothing. But in that nothing, we're all these worlds. So I'm saying that we're all the same source to, to say, oh, I wanna be in their world.
We are already in that world. They are in our world. We are in their world. So. Let's just stop with that separation number two, friendship isn't built on chemistry. It's built on,
it's built on practice. All right, practice baking a cake. Practice having some things out and having a party. Because guess what? When we don't know, when we don't do that and the cake falls down is on the floor, it's the end of the world. So what? You do this all the time, cakes will fall down, whatever plumbing goes awry, people act up.
It's gonna happen. Oh, well let's go on with a party.
So that's the practice. It's not built on a special thing and everything being perfect. [00:09:00] Stuff is gonna happen all the time. So we need to like ride it out. We need to practice. It's built on practice. It's built on habits. And I feel like there's so many bad habits out there right now. We all have so many bad habits.
Working too hard, putting your head down, not communicating, being mad, just how about practicing baking cakes and doing it so often that okay, I have another cake. It fell down. Oh, well, you know, it's,
MATT: and, and taking a moment to see that the purple flowers just sprang out of our. Lawn, which I missed yesterday by the way.
FAWN: Wait, wait. Say that again. I missed it. I was thinking,
MATT: I'm sorry.
FAWN: My mind drifted
MATT: for a second. Taking time to notice that purple flowers just sprang out of our lawn.
FAWN: Yeah,
MATT: which I missed yesterday until you pointed it.
FAWN: Thank you.
So I think another key practice is the daily practice of seeing yourself in someone. Since we're all the same, seeing yourself in [00:10:00] someone. How about a, a boss you hate, but seeing yourself in them? No. As soon as you do that,
You see better when you do that. Maybe you have more compassion or maybe you understand why they're doing what they're doing, or you see something that just comes up for you and then whatever it is that's, there's a charge for, like, there's a charge there that's a negative charge.
Maybe seeing yourself in that, then it's released. Does that make sense, Matt?
MATT: It does, absolutely. It's just you had to put the word boss in there. Oh,
FAWN: okay.
MATT: But yes. How about No, absolutely. You should see, you should see yourself in the people you dislike.
FAWN: Okay. Yeah. Right.
MATT: You know, let's, let's move it out
FAWN: of, okay, here's a third one.
Choose to interpret others through a lens of compassion. without being naive. Without being naive. So, thinking [00:11:00] of bringing compassion, like looking at everything and everyone in a compassionate way. I mean, I feel like these days compassion is, uh, they're used. It's that compassion is used against us.
I feel like the kids right now, especially, they're so compassionate, but they're misguided by some group that can come and say, oh, I'm gonna use their compassion against them. So they're now protesting against something they know nothing about because they think they're helping humanity. They're thinking, I'm seeing injustice here, but they don't know enough.
They're not seeing well, so you can't be naive about it. You have to work with compassion, but you cannot be naive about it. So really, really figure stuff out. Know what the truth is, find out what the truth is and try to get many, many, many sources. You, people are telling you this is the [00:12:00] truth. I'm telling you the truth.
They're not telling you the truth. Things are so mixed up right now, and what destroys friendship is assumptions. It's stories that we, we tell each other that aren't true. And another thing that, destroys friendship is silent resentment.
MATT: Definitely true.
FAWN: You know, it's that like tiny little pebble in your shoe that we talked about before.
You're too, you don't want, you're too tired to take the shoe to stop, to take the shoe off, to figure out a way to stand up on one foot, to take out the little pebble and figure out how to put the shoe back on and retie your shoes. So you're like, you know what, I'll just keep walking.
Hopefully the pebble will move over. Well, it doesn't. It does for a second, it'll come back. So that is the silent resentment. Like you're like, oh, well I'm not gonna bring it up right now. I'm gonna just move on. And just like that pebble, it just [00:13:00] builds. Okay. Four. Something we were reminded of. There's great power in words.
Words have power. That's why they call it spelling. Remember? Mm-hmm. Wesley told us that's what his mom says, but it's true. We're casting spells with every word we utter, and guess what? Things start with a thought. Then you voice it out loud and it manifests into physical form. So thinking about stuff that's negative, knock it off.
Every conversation is an act of creation. Whether it's a conversation you're having with someone at work, with a friend in your head to yourself, every conversation is an act of creation. You're either building a world someone wants to live in or one they want to escape. I just realized I am so [00:14:00] stressed out and I'm seeing so many hurdles and so many obstacles and so many dangers out there that, like our youngest came up to me and said, I, I find it hard to be around you because you're, everything is so, uh, dire and, um, everything is dire.
I'm seeing all the dangers, But I realized I have to watch my words because this is, I think, where you can turn people off and people want to escape, Five
disagreements. Disagreements can be holy, like holy. What's another word for Holy? I'm I was sacred. Sacred, yeah. Not all conflict is bad. The goal of friendship is not agreement. It's alignment and purpose. So Matt and I got into a huge, huge argument before this podcast but we have the same purpose.
It's okay to argue [00:15:00] it's okay to have conflict. It's okay to disagree. Do we have the same purpose?
Do we,
MATT: right? Are we aligned? Are we, do we wanna move to the same place? From a place to a place? Yes.
FAWN: Six for friendship. Be the one, be the one who initiates. Um, I've been speaking a lot lately in front of a lot of different groups. And I always assumed that they're more successful than I am. They're doing bigger things than I am.
, They're making more money than I am, so they have it all answered. Like they, they know everything. But as soon as I start speaking and, and expressing my ideas, I look at their faces. I'm like, oh my God. This is the first time they've maybe understood it this way or I, I, it's just, uh, it blows me away that I am the one who's initiating something that I thought these people would've [00:16:00] already done, but they're not.
It just, it to me, I'm, what I'm seeing is that the people we look up to, or just anybody, we're assuming other people are going to do it. We're assuming because they're more successful or they're in a better place. The grass is greener over there. They, they're gonna do it. No, it's up to you. It's up to me.
I'm gonna do it. I will initiate. I will start the conversation. I will start the friendship. I will start some movement. I will start a project that will involve people and once they get involved, maybe we can get the ball rolling and things can get even more amazing. We could start that village, we can have that village, and we can make that village last generation after generation, so we don't have to be alone.
So we don't have to be so stressed out and so un, so tired all the time. Unable to make decisions because [00:17:00] we are just so taxed.
MATT: I would, I would, I would add, but be patient. 'cause sometimes you see maybe the right path, and hopefully you're right, sometimes you're not. But let's assume you're right for the moment. It takes time for the other person sometimes to be able to see it.
FAWN: I understand
MATT: that, Matt, and you need to take, sometimes you need to take them very slowly to that place, but, 'cause that's my biggest problem is I'll initiate and I'll be a hundred moves down the road and they're like, wait, how the heck did we get here from there?
FAWN: That's why we have to figure out what our role is. So what is your role? What's your position here? So my role is, I'm just gonna start this then. Because No, I, I can't. My life is, time is going by. I can't be patient forever. I need to get the ball rolling. So my role is, I'm just gonna start it and I'll have to, I'll have to create [00:18:00] it so they're not gonna invite people to make things happen.
In business and in personal worlds, create a world they want to be in. Back to my original thing of wanting to be in this person's world, right?
MATT: Right.
FAWN: Just create the world that they wanna be in.
That's it.
MATT: Bam. Mic drop. I like it.
FAWN: Alright. We need to get outta here. We need a different perspective.
MATT: We gotta get outta here.
FAWN: We need some fresh air. It's just been too stressful. Okay.
MATT: It's been nonstop.
FAWN: Um, but it's always nonstop, Matt. That's what I'm saying. When we don't have community, which we don't honest truth, we don't.
This is what happens. We break, we need each other, and I guess we're lucky, at least we have each other, husband and wife, but we have kids and we're tired. We've never had a break,
you know, time to just have some hammock time to some quiet, some [00:19:00] reassurance, most of all.
MATT: Have a hard time arguing with that.
Okay, everyone, I would say maybe try and slow down. Try and appreciate, try and find the joy.
FAWN: Take a nap, Matt.
MATT: Anyways,
FAWN: don't take a break in front of the same place that you work and are stressed out
MATT: anyways.
FAWN: Okay. Anyway, um, alright, that's it. I do wanna say one more thing. I'm starting a subscription, please. It would support our family, but it also is in support of you. I'm sending little care packages. It's, I'm thinking $11 a month.
You can email us by going to our Friendly World podcast, our friend. What is our po Oh my God.
MATT: Our friendly world podcast.com.
FAWN: Thank you. And reach out to us. Tell me that you wanna be on the subscription list. I'm thinking $11 a month where every month I will send [00:20:00] you a work of art a photography print, a small one, along with handmade stuff in it.
Something that a friend will send to you, something other than junk mail and flyers and bills that show up in your mailbox so that every month you get something happy just for you. please let me know. Okay? take care. Have a beautiful every day. We'll talk to you soon.
MATT: Be well.
