Episode Transcript
MATT: [00:00:00] Hello everyone.
Fawn: Hi everybody. I'm in a bad mood,
MATT: uhoh. Um, so today we wanna start talking about maximizing opportunities and fortunately or unfortunately joyously or joyously, I'm about to throw out a whole bunch of pithy sayings, which are true.
Fawn: And since I'm already in a bad mood, join in for a fun-filled event of
combat
MATT: three rounds of action. I'm gonna
Fawn: disagree with everything you're saying. Uhoh, go ahead.
MATT: You can't win if you don't play.
Fawn: Well, let's just begin with what this topic is, is being open and bring everything in your mind back to friendship. Alright, so being open to opportunities. What does that mean? How do you do it? Here's the thing, all your pithy sayings great. Good for you. Good for all the people who've written books about it.
How do you do it? How do you [00:01:00] open yourself to opportunities when you are tired, you are stressed out, you have no room for anything else. It seems like you are just putting out fires all the time. You're in survival mode. Go ahead. Right. Go ahead.
MATT: You're in survival mode. Yes, absolutely. Just start
Fawn: with your pithy sayings and why.
Why it's important to do whatever your pithy sayings say we should be doing. Go ahead.
MATT: Okay, so you certainly can't win if you don't play. If you don't at least explore an opportunity, there's no way it can turn into anything and that that's universal. That's from friendship to employment, opportunities to moving to a new place, to,
Fawn: got it, Uhhuh.
Okay. Now what?
MATT: So how do we, how do we deal with that in the context of friendship? You know, one thing that, uh, uh,
Fawn: but see, you're not even explaining what it [00:02:00] is to be open to opportunities. What does that mean, and why are we doing that? Well,
MATT: I'm getting into it for friendship there, my love. Yeah, but why
Fawn: don't you just try to explain what it is and then we'll put it into friendship context.
What does it mean to be open to opportunities and aren't we always open to opportunities if we're alive and moving about and working so hard,
MATT: how often do we pursue these opportunities?
Fawn: It depends on the person you're asking,
MATT: right?
Fawn: But also if you are constantly having to work to survive or if you're constantly being, thrown so many obstacles, it becomes super challenging.
How, how, how can you even. Look, you know, how can you even have time or the energy to dare dream of other possibilities or opportunities if you're feeling stuck?
MATT: And that's completely understood and I, I realize there are a lot of people in that situation. The whole key, the whole context is that opportunities appear [00:03:00] usually when you're not necessarily looking for them.
they appear when you have the capacity to even understand you're being presented with an opportunity. So certainly if you are in survival mode as you describe, yeah, there's no way you're not gonna see them. You're absolutely right. So it's about how do you get even slightly away from that,
Fawn: but recognizing everybody has that.
Everybody is in survival mode. Everybody has some form of limitation and it's even people with money, lots of money. I was listening to a religious figure talk about, it was a rabbi talking about because it was Passover and the whole slavery in Egypt and everything, I came into the, the talk late, but this is what I heard.
You can take a person out of slavery but you can't take the slavery out of the person like you have to realize that you're in that mode.
MATT: And so what are you talking [00:04:00] about? You need to educate, you need to, I'm just saying
Fawn: everybody has, I brought this up to someone I hadn't talked to in a while, but I like brought up that phrase like, Hey, this came across my path. And I found it quite liberating because I realized, wow, I have these limited beliefs right now about where I can live in the world.
I have these limited beliefs, , about how if I'm being thrown age brackets constantly, like, oh, you can't do this at this age. Oh, you're too old for this, or whatever. Right? Or you're a woman, you can't do the what, like, whatever the limitations are. Mm-hmm. I have been experiencing them, and you know what?
They're in me. So what is it that's in me? I have to re realize, I have to realize what limitations are in me. They may not be appearant. So anyway, I brought this up to someone and then she brought up these other limitations, like talking about herself, her issues. My issues have to do with [00:05:00] career. Like I feel like I'm stuck, you know, perhaps or, but she was talking about her limitations are her personality, that she has to work on her personality. That's what enslaves her. She's enslaved by that.
Right? And yeah. And we're enslaved by so many things in our society and especially lately, it feels like
MATT: true. True. It's about how do we carve out a space where we can start getting a little bit outside of ourselves?
Fawn: Well, one thing. The reason why we have this podcast, the reason why we started a friendship movement, why we started the, the whole dating, platonic dating website to find your best friend.
The thing about that- the reason why I wanted to do it was because I feel that it's important for us to reconnect and remember the art of friendship because we are stronger together. We are that we're more powerful [00:06:00] together. And if in society you are in so many different ways, if things are set up to keep you separate, even though you share many walls with someone that's six inches, how, how in an American, um.
How they build buildings? Mm-hmm. What is the code? What is it, six or nine inches? What is the amount of inches that separates one unit from another?
MATT: I think it probably depends on townships and states and stuff,
Fawn: but it's, it's a matter, even if it's a foot, it's a matter of inches basically. So you are basically a few inches away from someone you don't know what they look like.
You don't know their name, you don't know what they do, you never see them, but you're practically in the same room with them. Right. Even going to a park or anything, everything is separate. Going to a restaurant, everything is a bubble. Everything is made in a way. You don't have to come in contact with people.
MATT: You don't. You are correct and it, and it
Fawn: depends where [00:07:00] you live, but for the most part, I feel like this is the society here where we live and I...
and I think it's set up either on purpose or by happenstance, whatever it is, it's still set up that way and it keeps us so separate. And so feeling, feeling alone that we have no one. It's scary and we have no power that we have, therefore no opportunities. Think about it, like if you had a ton of friends, you would have less worry about food, a place to stay, um, someone to talk to for advice or to just have a chuckle with.
That gives you power and that gives you opportunities. It allows for you to [00:08:00] dream because maybe you can't dream it for yourself, but your friend can say, Hey, look at this other opportunity. Look, you have this opportunity. Look at this talent that you have. You may not be aware of it, but we can point each other out.
We can point things out about each other. We can point things out in the world about one another. That opens us up to opportunity. it's great for you to say, oh, just be open to opportunity, but how can you Well, I was, how can you actually get there?
MATT: Right? Step one, I'm sorry. I'm
Fawn: being so mean. You need
MATT: to carve out little space to get outside yourself.
Fawn: No time, man. Good
MATT: time to meditate. People are working two, three jobs and they have kids. Yes.
Fawn: There's no time to meditate and don't give. Give me the pithy saying about if you don't have to meditate, then that means you have to meditate twice as long. Oh my God. Just enough.
MATT: Herman has Magister looting 19 60, 19 46.
Fawn: How? Tell me.
MATT: Depends on your situation. [00:09:00] Always depends on your situation. Of course. Everything
Fawn: depends. Everything depends. But here's, okay. Here's one solution I have is you cannot be open to opportunity unless you're relaxed. Well, how the hell can you get relaxed? Good for you. Matt just pointed on his notes that he had relaxed at the bottom of the page.
MATT: Well, we, when we get to the, when we get to, mm. Summation. Okay. What
Fawn: do you mean summation?
MATT: Where we try and tie it up into a bow?
Fawn: Well, I don't wanna tie it up in a bow. I wanna get, I, we
MATT: need to get to it. So for me, down with Matt, the way I think about it, I need to carve out some time for myself, step outside myself.
And start to look at myself objectively. How do you step outside
Fawn: of yourself? How? How do you do it?
MATT: How do I do
Fawn: it? How does one do it? Let's just go back to feeling relaxed. How do you do that? You can breathe. You can remember to breathe in the midst of [00:10:00] chaos. Breathe. If you, you don't breathe. We're not, we're, we're not alive.
So breathe, that will cause relaxation. Deep breaths. Take a breath.
MATT: That's yes.
Fawn: And once you do that, it changes your entire chemistry. Boom. We can just stop the show right here. Go breathe, relax, and opportunities will be shown to you because they're around you anyway. It's a matter of seeing it. They did this study about lucky people.
They put, they wanted to do this study and people thought, oh, okay, I'm gonna go upstairs into this room and they're going to survey me with questions and they're gonna figure out what mentality has lucky in their mentality in their field. But really what, what it was was on the way up, I guess in the staircase or wherever they were, people left money and they said, oh, the unlucky people didn't see the money, but the lucky people picked up the money and they were the lucky ones.
'cause they [00:11:00] felt lucky 'cause they were looking for opportunity.
MATT: They were open to opportunity. They weren't necessarily looking for it, but they weren't so focused on one thing
Fawn: I'm saying to be open you have to at least relax a little bit so your vision is not so closed off because when you're in flight or fight, when you're in survival mode, you are focused.
Your body is the same way. It's focused. Your digestive system, everything shuts down so you can put all of your energy into running away from the problem. Or fixing the problem or attacking the problem. Getting away from the problem, right? Fixing the problem. So no, you're not gonna see a $5 bill or a hundred dollars bill right there.
No, you're not gonna see the opportunities that are right there. It may be a person who wants to be friends with you right there in front of you, and you can't even hear what they're saying. You can't even see them because you're [00:12:00] focused on survival.
My number one trick, which is free is breathe. Take deep breaths in, hold it, and then let it out. And who cares how you sound? 'cause usually when you do that, people are like, what's wrong? Like if you're like,
MATT: yeah, I know, I think I did that this past week. Like, no, people do that all the time.
What's going on?
Fawn: It's normal. Right? Right. But it, it doesn't matter. You don't even have to reply. You're breathing. Just breathe. And that will help your body to relax. It will open up your eyes, it will open up. Your digestion can have a little breather also, when you do that and things slow down. A little bit, and the more you breathe, the more you focus on breathing while you're taking care of business.
I feel like that will open up windows for you.
MATT: Okay. Not gonna argue that for me though, I can't focus on my breathing and focus on anything [00:13:00] else. So for me, if I'm focusing on my breathing, I'm not taking care of business. I am. Almost specifically getting outside of my business, hence stepping outside of myself. Well, that,
Fawn: that's why people say go on a walk because it causes you to breathe differently and you're walking and you're doing left right, left right, and it balances your body.
MATT: Hmm. It's interesting. I hadn't, I've never heard that.
Fawn: Also, faith goes into it too. if you're in a situation where you can't even see people, then turn to the invisible forces, God, angels, whatever you wanna call them. Put a request out there while you're dealing with a problem.
Whatever you're doing, dealing with whatever the situation is, what you do is you ask for help. Help. Just one word help
and believe that it will be heard. You will be heard, your request will be heard. If you could have faith in that, that allows you to relax a little bit more. So now [00:14:00] you have breathing and now you have a request you've put out there in your mind. You can even say it out loud, but now two things that have
Enabled you to relax a little bit.
MATT: And I would add to that a trick that I learned when I was mountain biking. When the going gets really tough and your legs are really hurting. Smile. If you smile, it immediately changes your mood. As long as you're not just barren teeth, as long as you're actively smiling. And also fun fact, if you are frowning, does the complete opposite.
Fawn: When I use really foul language in those times, mm-hmm. The pressure goes away from my body and I feel so much more calm. If I can say the most horrible curse words, you know, cuss words, I'm like, whew, phew. Yeah. It's out of me. I'm more relaxed. I'm not holding it in anymore.
MATT: Right. So I'm
Fawn: not gonna smile. I may [00:15:00] just like go.
MATT: And now you're smiling
Fawn: after the fact,
MATT: and now you're smiling.
Fawn: But after the fact of doing the opposite of smiling.
MATT: That's going, given the raspberries and the opposite. That's not a frown. And,
Fawn: and giving the finger Yeah. You know, flipping the bird again and again. It's the opposite of youre speaking your power.
Yeah. But you, you're like, just smile.
MATT: No, just if you're upset
Fawn: and you smile, it looks demonic. Okay. Well
MATT: then it's not genuine, is it?
Fawn: No. Because how can you get to the genuine if you're not feeling it, you're
MATT: to be. It has to be a genuine smile,
Fawn: Matt. All these things really ANGRAFY me. I know that. Oh, you're having a bad day.
Smile f it. You smile as I'm flipping you. The bird. How do you feel? Feel better?
MATT: Mm-hmm.
Fawn: Smile.
MATT: Yes.
Fawn: You feel good if I'm flipping you the bird? No, you don't.
Anyway, that's it for me. Why don't you just keep going with the show. [00:16:00] I'm in a terrible mood today, guys. I don't know. Sorry.
MATT: Okay. Getting back to,
let's talk about how you can maximize opportunities, which I believe is the title of the show. And one way is by meeting people. Helps you maximize opportunities because you don't, you have no idea if this person next to you is exactly the person you wanna talk to or your new best friend, or, or, or, or, or, or perhaps nobody.
It doesn't matter. The trick is, is that first of all, you pick the person carefully. It has to be somebody who's, uh, approachable, which my wife's feeling a little bit like a porcupine today. I winked. Number two is you have to be genuine of course. So I'm
Fawn: not a porcupine. I have daggers and swords and don't mess with me right now.
How dare you say I'm some small animals with [00:17:00] someone I'm tapping. Leave me out of this.
MATT: And the other thing is. Uh, a good way to connect with people is to either ask for information, which they may or may not know or help. So depending on circumstance, obviously, you know, um, perhaps it's at a grocery store and perhaps, you know, you could ask somebody what the hours are because you tend to work late.
It's your job as a yada yada. All of a sudden, you're, you're affording them opportunities to connect or not connect, and they can choose not to. So you may ask, what are the store's hours? And they might tell you, and then you immediately respond back with what I just said, which is, you know, oh yeah, I, I usually work really late on Thursday, so I blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, or, and it's all it, it should always be about either the follow up or the open-endedness of the question.
So if [00:18:00] you're at a live, you're at, you're at, yeah, you're someplace with books, you don't say, do you like such and such? 'cause that's a yes or no question. You say, how, how do you feel about, or like, at a music store, how do you feel about, you know, um, pat Benatar or whatever.
And of course, ah, biggest key is, is you know, there's gonna be a lot of people out there who are gonna be bristly, and that's how it goes. And you have to like, not let that kind of put you off too badly.
And that'll help you relax and that'll help you and your openness and that will allow you hopefully to connect and see other opportunities out in the world. Now that spring is springing, you know, there's a lot more color in the world, and, and people are, people are loosening up and people are lightening up and people are seeing things that they, they, they didn't see before, because, you know, those flowers weren't there last week, which really kind of makes [00:19:00] you more open to seeing the wonder, and hopefully that will help you relax too.
Fawn: I think crying helps, but sometimes you're so upset you can't even cry. But crying does help. And they're studying how the tears are actually the act of crying, like they're looking into so many different aspects of crying, but it is spiritually a connection to spirit, to God, to possibilities. And , it's a breaking point.
It's like releasing you of a burden. It's releasing you from a certain path. The act of crying releases you of burdens and hardship, and it releases you from a program that you've been living. It is a clearance, and I think. Don't you feel much more relaxed after a good cry?
MATT: [00:20:00] I don't know if I've had a good cry in a long time.
I tend to weep an interesting amount, at least I used to. It's kind of calmed down again, but it's usually short bursts, very intense, and then it's gone. But I don't necessarily feel better afterwards. I don't, I certainly don't feel worse, but I don't know if I feel better. So maybe I do need a good cry.
Fawn: Like you don't feel like whatever toxins are in you have been released through crying. Maybe because you're told you you're not supposed to cry.
MATT: It could be
Fawn: anyway, relaxation, but don't turn to alcohol or anything like that. That doesn't do it. It's fake.
MATT: Well, let's say it's not organic. Crying is organic.
Fawn: , everything is organic. I mean, alcohol is made by people. It's organic. It's made from something on the planet. But what? Don't roll your eyes.
MATT: I wasn't, I was looking right up at the sky.
Fawn: Mm-hmm. Anyway, so to open up yourself to friendship, to other [00:21:00] opportunities, you have to relax into it.
And sometimes you're mad, but that's okay.
Nothing lasts forever.
MATT: So in closing,
breathe, try and relax. Go for a walk, try and maintain an openness to new experiences that will help you maximize opportunities when they do come. Thanks for listening.
