FAWN: [00:00:00] We become what we repeatedly practice, and friendship is no different. Every conversation, every silence, every act of honesty or avoidance creates a rhythm. The question is, are our friendships creating consciousness or drifting? Welcome to Our Friendly World. Here we go. Cue the music Welcome back to our friendly world, everybody. MATT: Hello, everyone. FAWN: Hello. So when we repeat something long enough, that thing, like fear, negativity, procrastination, MATT: How about joy? FAWN: Passive- MATT: How about laughter? FAWN: How about- No, no, no, no, no. I'm-- I know. Hold on a second. Well, yeah, that... If we had just those as our main thing, we wouldn't be talking about anything today, all right? But there is a lot of fear, negativity, procrastination, being passive, [00:01:00] resentment. There's a lot of self-doubt, unhealthy thinking. These things create, , a a hypnotic rhythm. And you're right, Matt, the positive also creates maybe a hypnotic rhythm, but that's not a problem. This is the problem, and I think this is what has contributed to feeling so alone and separate and creating this, no village kind of life, no family kind of life. because the self-doubt, the unhealthy thinking, these things are hypnotic. Uh, it creates a hypnotic rhythm that becomes an automatic pattern that eventually controls our lives. These patterns become cemented, and especially if we are unconscious to it, it becomes so fixed and so difficult to overcome later. We end up mindlessly drifting [00:02:00] without thought or purpose, and our relationships, from friendship to just every kind of relationship, bec- becomes an autopilot-driven, zombie-like, empty void. I know this is not positive, but again, I'm sounding, I'm sounding the bells for all of us to pay attention, to become free thinkers, to become intelligent, and stop being controlled by fear and being controlled by propaganda, whatever it is. So we know, we already know that thoughts become habits, habits become rhythms, rhythms become identity, and identity shapes destiny and erases our conscious choice. So if we repeatedly avoid hard conversations, [00:03:00] choose comfort over growth, numb our emotions, react defensively, or live in fear, eventually that becomes the default rhythm. Friendship isn't only built by major moments. It's built by repeated emotional rhythms. A healthy friendship, to me, creates rhythms like checking in, listening, accountability, um, repair after conflict. Conflict is not a problem. I think it's a problem when we don't work through it. We just leave it at that conflict. And granted, sometimes -- you shouldn't try to repair it. You should leave. That's fine. - So, doing things like celebrating growth, - having emotional honesty and mutual encouragement. Over time, these healthy [00:04:00] rhythms create trust and emotional resilience. The friendship itself becomes a healing force. When we're drifting from negative patterns or rhythms, we, we stop noticing how disconnected we've become, how shallow the friendship has become, how resentment has been building, and how fear is driving everything. And that just is a great recipe for loneliness So, I mean MATT: Well now hold on. Let's, let's put the brakes on that for just a second, okay? And, and yes, I understand here we are. But I would also say that, there's a lot of people who are living, pretty okay. Everything's okay. We're kind of, it's Tuesday, we're gonna go out to such and such restaurant. It's, you know, [00:05:00] um, you know, on Saturdays we're gonna go do this, we're gonna go do that because it happens to be Sunday or, you know, it happens to be spring or it happens to be whatever it is. That's a danger too. FAWN: Yeah, because it's just a mindless... I- it's not like you're declaring, "I'm going to do this." You're just on autopilot, like I said. MATT: You're on autopilot, and that's the thing. And so- FAWN: It's mindless ... MATT: I, I, I had a friend, and my friend would always say, "Practice makes permanent." FAWN: Mm-hmm. MATT: So this, when you start getting into your rhythm, your routine, your whatever, it becomes permanent. The, the, the trick is, is to mix it up. And mixing it up is an awesome thing because sometimes it sucks. And I wanna say literally, like I'll drag us to some random spot that I just found out about. Sometimes it sucks. I wanna say 80% of the time it sucks, which is fun. FAWN: And actually, like sometimes when we go to places where things [00:06:00] suck, we laugh so hard that it becomes fun. MATT: And, and there you go. And- FAWN: And like watching a really bad show, like garbage shows. MATT: Well, I used to go and see... I had a friend and we would go see bad movies because we knew they were bad. And again, and I know I've talked about this numerous times, we saw "The Matrix" on the opening weekend. That was not a bad movie, but it was supposed to be. Wow, that was an interesting surprise that happened to us. That's the thing. You have to open yourself up to magic. You have to open yourself up to surprises. And these are the things that, for me at least, help me grow, help me see patterns, help me proceed and do the next thing, even though I know four times out of five it's just not gonna be as cool as I think it's gonna be. It still makes me grow. FAWN: I mean, I think the danger of falling into that rhythm is you're unconscious, and when you're [00:07:00] unconscious, other forces can come take over. Whether it's, uh, an unhealthy relationship, an unhealthy friendship, or just, uh, whatever propaganda is, is trying to change people's minds or sway people, you, you end up like going with the tide back and forth, and you have no control over that. And I think it's time for us to start having, um, strength. Strength and emotional power and, uh- Some smarts MATT: And we have to be a little bit u- we have to get a little bit more comfortable with being a little bit more uncomfortable at times. FAWN: I mean, I had to become comfortable with being wrong. You know, I thought I, I, I saw the world a certain way, and I thought over here these people were in the wrong, and I would stay away from them. But now I'm like, "Whoa, I was swayed." So I [00:08:00] have to change my mind And you could be swayed MATT: complete- you could be swayed back. FAWN: But I- You could be swayed- Yeah, but- ... MATT: sideways, FAWN: upside down But I'm not drifting. That's the thing that I hope, I hope that I'm not dr- being drifted around by some other force. I am, I'm dr- I'm praying, I, I'm, I'm consciously telling myself, "Hey, I better be using my smarts here. I better be using my brain. I better be using my intellect and not being swayed by something else to make me go here and there." Do you know what I'm saying? MATT: Right. FAWN: So, but, but in, in response to the whole friendship thing, like for example, taking this to w- just one example. I can think of someone I thought I was becoming friends with, and early, early, early on in the friendship, I noticed that she, um, definitely, oh my goodness, um, started talking terribly about... There was a little group that [00:09:00] was formed. She started talking terribly about this other person. Now, I had hung out with them one other time with this group. MATT: Mm-hmm. FAWN: She was so friendly to this person that she was speaking so ill about on the phone with me. It literally made me sick. Like, I had never had that reaction before. Normally, I'd be like, "Oh man, this person sucks." Right. Like the person who's talking badly about this other person. Mm-hmm. When they do that, they suck, and I'm gonna stay away from them because guaranteed they'll speak that way about me as well. MATT: Of course. FAWN: No matter what. You know, even if I haven't done anything wrong, I know they're gonna say something 'cause that's hate, just that hateful energy is how they roll. Um, so that was flag number one, the red flag number one. Then the second one I didn't realize was a flag until the friendship ended in such a terrible way.[00:10:00] Um, it was so hurtful. It really hurt our family, uh, for a while. It took us a while to, overcome. But, so I'm Persian, and so one of the first things she said to me is, "Oh, I had a Persian friend. You remind me of her." And the only... And I, and I think I did ask, like, "What was she like?" Blah, blah, blah. I was nothing like this person, but in her mind, in this person's mind, just the mere fact that I was Persian, she only saw that other person that I did not know on me. It w- it didn't matter what I said, it didn't matter how different I looked. MATT: Mm-hmm. FAWN: It didn't matter how different I lived, how I spoke. She only would see her past and would, would put that person on me. And later I understood that [00:11:00] they had such a big blowout and the person in her mind was so irrational and ended up hurting her feelings. So this, this was her opportunity to see me as that person, if I'm making any sense. MATT: You are. FAWN: And it's her opportunity to get back at that person by trying it out on me. So all the things she wanted to do to this person that hurt her in the past, she was going to, to practice on me. Does that make sense, Matt? It does. Help me explain it. I'm not sure if I'm making any sense. Like if I hear myself talking back, like, like listening to myself with what I just said, I'm like, "What are you talking about?" MATT: So I've been wrestling, honestly- But- ... and I, I had been wrestling. There is a guy who I was hired with who reminds me so much of my brother that I almost feel fraternal towards him, like [00:12:00] brotherly, I wanna take care of him. But I wasn't affording him the opportunity to be who he was, 'cause he is not my brother. He may remind me of him, he may talk like him, walk like him, act like him, but you always have to afford people the opportunity to change, to grow and, and, you know, to come into who they are at any point. And it's especially terrible when you just immediately lock someone in a box. And so I worked really hard not to, and I gave him his kudos when he, when he FAWN: earned them. But that's because you're awake. MATT: And it's, it's hard, but- FAWN: But you know what I'm saying? MATT: It's, it's FAWN: a constant struggle. But w- I'm saying when we're not, when we're unconsciously moving about- Right Like a zombie, that we become part of this rhythm- MATT: Right FAWN: because we're so used to thinking a certain way. Like obviously, she had more negative thoughts in her mind- MATT: Mm-hmm ... FAWN: constantly about many things, and she had set that rhythm, and that rhythm lulled her into [00:13:00] the life that she had, this bubble that she had. MATT: Right. FAWN: So it had nothing to do with me other than that I was trying to be friends with her, trying to put our circles together, and it was incredibly painful because the s- the charge was so different. MATT: Right. FAWN: She was so negative, and I came in wanting to create family, you know? Right. Like friendship family, and boy, was it a rude awakening. Um, but that's what happens, and I think that's one of the reasons why so much strife exists right now, is because people fall into the r- these rhythms and they don't know that they have, right? MATT: Right. FAWN: They don't know that what they're looking at is... Just because you're m- you're, just because you're feeling something doesn't make it a fact. MATT: And just 'cause someone reminds you so much of someone else, they're not [00:14:00] them. FAWN: But then there is a difference, because w- we were talking about this in the car this morning, and you were saying, well, you were giving it a, a different example. A different MATT: example. FAWN: And I was like, "Honey, I don't think that that is a rhythm." I think that... You were talking about somebody else and I said, "You are speaking from personal experience where you can see patterns, and you've already noticed a set amount of patterns in this person, so you know how things are gonna go, so you're not going to be friends with this person." It's not the same thing as unconsciously going with a rhythm and not allowing a friend to- happen, like a friendship to, to happen- Right ... because you're like, "Oh, this person's Persian. I know that person." Do you know what I'm saying? MATT: I, I know exactly what you're saying, and I, I didn't necessarily wanna dwell on the other story. FAWN: Well, I just- But I will- ... uh, the only MATT: reason FAWN: I'm bringing it up, though- I will afford MATT: him- ... is to say- ... the opportunity to surprise me, FAWN: though ... but what, the only [00:15:00] reason I'm bringing it up, Matt, is because that, when you were describing that, to me- MATT: Mm-hmm ... FAWN: I knew that that came from looking at personal experience, not a rhythm that you sleepwalked into. So definitely go with your intuition, definitely go with your knowledge base in recognizing patterns. Don't discount that and think, "Oh, that's just a rhythm I fell into." No, there, there's a difference. MATT: Uh, and, and I know. But however, I still, again, I'm going to afford him the opportunity to surprise me. I'm just not going to reach out as far as I had been. FAWN: Yeah, I mean, for me personally, when I do recognize those patterns and I've asked myself the tough questions, like have I sleepwalked into this situation? Mm-hmm. Am I, you know, am I doing what this [00:16:00] other person did to me? Am I doing it to someone else? MATT: Right. FAWN: Ask myself those hard questions and make sure I know the correct answer- MATT: Mm-hmm FAWN: the true answer, and either fix it or stay away from that person. MATT: Right. FAWN: Because again, personal experience, a lifetime so far of having lived experience. I'm... Those are my tools, and I'm not going to not use them. That's it. MATT: So shake it up, people. Do something a little different. FAWN: You always say- MATT: Break FAWN: free ... step out of the box, right? MATT: Step free. FAWN: Well, yeah. Do MATT: something different. FAWN: Do something different, but, uh, consciously declare what you want. Declare to yourself, "This is what I'm gonna get." Like, even, even, um, even praying, don't beg. Say, [00:17:00] "This is what I declare. I declare that I will become this by this time doing this. I am grateful for your help. I ask for your help. Let's go." We're not victims. We are victims, though, if we fall into that zombie-like state. So we have to study How do we become smarter, Matt? How do we, how do we wake up from the trance? That drifting trance. MATT: Shake it up. Get up a half an hour early, get up a half an hour late. Have something different for breakfast. S- it starts, I think, with the little things. FAWN: I think it starts with getting some rest, for sure. MATT: Certainly getting rest, but mix it up. Just mix it up. Sit quietly. Do something you wouldn't normally do. If you're, if you normally, you know, wanna scream and shout, be quiet. If you normally wanna be [00:18:00] quiet, scream and shout. FAWN: You know, sometimes when I'm driving, I realize, "Oh my gosh, let me turn off the radio." Everywhere I go, there's sound. And why? Because my thoughts are so invasive sometimes that I'm just wanting distraction, and that creates me to drift because I wanna drift away from what's bothering me. So I'm like, "You know what? Let me just turn off the music, turn off anything. Stop." Like I'm editing photos on the computer, but I'm listening to a- another podcast or something, you know? No, just like, just turn it off And see what natural sounds come to you , be conscious about what's coming into your ear, what's coming into your eyeballs. You know? Anyway. Okay, for real, I'm done for today. Um, but I'm here open. Uh, please reach out to us any time you like. Email [00:19:00] us. Have a lovely every day. Is there anything else you wanna add? MATT: Not a thing. FAWN: All right. We'll see you, we'll speak to you in a few days. MATT: Be well, everyone. FAWN: Bye.