Episode Transcript
FAWN: [00:00:00] Hello everybody. Welcome to our Friendly World. Hello. Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome back. Today, listen up guys. We're gonna look at two words, two concepts, perception and perspective, and how both of them, if we truly understand what they are, how we can have better friendships, better relationships, better everything.
I mean, just. I'll, I'll get into it in a second, but let's get into the definition, like how does perception and perspective, shape our worlds and shape our relationships and how does it shape the way we create our lives based on those two things, perception and perspective. So let's get into it. Perception is what you see and feel.
And you are always at the center of it. You see and feel. Everything as you, the center of it all, everything that's happening is happening to you. [00:01:00] You are, you're the star of the show. Your life, you are at the center of everything. Yay. Right? So , you are walking around and you pick up a hot coffee cup, you're feeling that hot heat.
You are feeling it, you drink it, you are tasting it. You watch tv, you are seeing and hearing what's happening. You, you, you, it's all from your perspective, right?
MATT: All from your, that's your perception's what your perceiving is.
FAWN: Yes. So perception, and then everyone else around you is doing the same thing. So you come into the same room, you're sharing the same meal.
Everyone is tasting it from their perspective. Everyone is seeing it from their perspective. Everyone is feeling and hearing everything from their perspective and their history. So you are hearing the same thing, but you are understanding completely different things. Mm-hmm. I mean, if you have [00:02:00] kids that are teenagers, like wow.
Try to say one sentence to them. They'll completely understand and believe something completely different than what you said. It's, it's crazy, but I think we're all like that. When I worked at Aveda, Horst would say that Horst was the CEO of the company I worked for. And he would, we would go around the world and he would give these lectures way before Ted Talks were in, you know, they weren't invented yet.
But one of the things he would say is, I'm speaking to you right now, you're this audience, but every one of you is hearing something different because you've all had different histories and you have different baggage, and according to what you're carrying, you're hearing something completely different than the person next to you.
So that, that comes with perception because you are the nucleus, you are, you are the core of everything. But perspective is when [00:03:00] you put yourself in someone else's shoes by looking objectively at them and just measuring facts. So you, without assumptions, you're looking at someone and looking at their physical attributes and thinking, okay, what must that feel like?
Like for example, Matt walks into the kitchen, I'm like, honey, can you please grab the salt? And we have like on our countertops every, it's like an apothecary. There are, there's everything is labeled. Everything is in mason jars and it's right in front of him. He doesn't know where it is. Where is it? I'm like, it's in front of you.
The man is six four. I am like four 11. It's the first time I've ever admitted that. I was about to say. Careful.
MATT: No, she is. I'm She isn't. I'm sure she's, she's five six. Yeah.
FAWN: But like, that's my eye level. [00:04:00] But he can't see it because it's underneath the cabinets, it's on the countertop. The cabinet
MATT: was blocking my view,
FAWN: so in front of him, I'm like, it's right in front.
And then we get into a fight, right? Because he, so I have to get myself into the state of what must it feel like for Matt to even be even at the sink in the bathroom? You must bend over to wash your hands where I'm like, I have to lift up my hands to wash my hands like a little kid. Do you know what I'm saying?
Or how mad do I get when you, when you all let the kids now included? Because everybody's way taller than I am. You guys put things up on shelves that I can't reach. So now I'm the little kid that's like, I can't reach it. I get so angry I just knocked over the water bottle. But you know, or if you, if I can reach it, you put the handle backwards.
So like, 'cause I need the handle to use my index finger to like edge it forward so I can have it drop into my [00:05:00] hands from, which is dangerous from a shelf, but it's like, you're not thinking of it from my perspective, right? You're not putting yourself in my shoes. And then I get angry because I'm seeing it from my perspective and it just, it creates a rift.
So how can we get into a place where we can perceive someone and see someone and feel, feel what they need, you know? And if you think about it, when you do that, when you look at someone objectively without assumption and say, okay, this person... I don't know. Give me an example, Matt. This person just lit up a cigarette.
They must, they must have felt really emotional about the subjects matter, because usually when [00:06:00] people light up is when something triggers them emotionally and they need to like block their lungs and the lungs are associated with emotion. So like it numbs the lungs. So like, okay, they're triggered, they're, they're feel like putting your, just seeing objectively certain actions, like measurements that you can take, like, okay, this person is super tall, they must duck to get into the room, you know, it must be uncomfortable for them or this person
their body's way too big to sit on this little chair, so let me make sure that they're okay. Let me make sure that they have a comfortable way to sit, and they come over and I get it,
MATT: and I get that. That's how you want to process things. That's not how I wanna process things at all, though. I want to feel that person.
I want to become is a tricky thing to say because I don't, but I do, but I don't. But I wanna [00:07:00] like live in their skin for a second just to see how it heals. But you
FAWN: can't always do that because you used to do that all the time. Right? 'cause you can read people like no one's business. Right. And. Then when I would ask you to do it, you, you, you stopped for a while because you said you don't wanna go there again.
MATT: Well, it can be, it can be icky.
FAWN: Yeah. But you know, you can't do that with everybody. So initially, 'cause you're getting into a psychic space because you have to, you said to me you have to love the person Yes. To really understand them. Yes. And sometimes. You don't want to put yourself in that skin of theirs.
You know what I'm saying? I do. Because you need to protect your own vitality or mm-hmm. You need to protect sometimes, so you can't venture into that realm. So this is a just a concrete way to establish, okay, this person is six three, this person is four 11. This person weighs this much and this person weighs this much.
[00:08:00] Like how must it feel for them to, to climb the stairs? It may hurt their knees, or this person doesn't sleep much and they're tired. So you're, and when you do that, it's kind of like going back to having, um, everyone wants to be mothered. Everyone wants that. I think, what do you call it when you go back to the primal?
I think it's a primal thing to feel like you're taken care of. Mm-hmm. And when you have a caretaker, like a, a good mother that knows when you're hungry before you have to scream that knows that, oh, okay, you need to change of clothes or knows that okay, they're probably, they probably have an air bubble and they need to burp.
Do you know what I'm saying? You take care of all those needs and you're, you feel seen and heard, and you feel protected, and you feel included and loved. Right. [00:09:00] Okay. I think we all need that. So when you shift to that perspective of the other person mm-hmm. Like feeling, I think that is one of the big keys to good friendships, and good relationships.
Period. So I know what you're saying, Matt. Yes. You wanna go to that psychic level, right? But we can't always do that. We can't, we don't have the capacity to always do that, and nor should we all the time. But at least this is a physical thing where you can just see, okay, this person is wearing a super tight outfit.
They can't sit in this chair for this long. Do you know what I'm saying? They're gonna cut off their circulation. Oh dear. You know what I'm saying? They can't have a, a huge meal.
MATT: Okay. Yeah. And I, I, I can, I do, I I, I absolutely hear what you're saying. It's just, again, for me, it's, it's subtly different, you know, I wanna focus on the things that they wanna focus on.
I want to, you know, listen and. You [00:10:00] know, sometimes repeat back things that they say and, you know, they care so much about nascar. We've talked about that in the past. I don't, but I'll at least try and gain a, you know, passing something in it.
FAWN: again, you're getting kind of intellectual with it. Mm-hmm.
Whereas I am, I'm just saying, go back to what you taught me. Be a good host. So you're being a good host by noticing the other person and what they need. They may look tired. Fair enough. They may be walking down the street and look confused that day and they don't recognize you. And they're wearing two different shoes, you know, feeling like they've, uh, lost perspective
MATT: right
FAWN: under, you know, like.
Seeing their perspective and understanding. Oh, they might, they are probably scared and freaked out right now. Right,
MATT: right. Definitely happen.
FAWN: So that's all I'm [00:11:00] saying. That's, that's my takeaway for today. Okay. For this week. How about you?
MATT: Sounds good.
FAWN: Are we good? We are. Well. Have a beautiful every day.
MATT: Be well.
FAWN: We'll talk to you later.
MATT: Bye-Bye.
