MATT: [00:00:00] Hello everyone and welcome to, uh, our Friendly World with Fawn and Matt. Hey, it's Matt. Is Fawn here? FAWN: I'm here. MATT: Uhoh Roro. So I was running down a rabbit hole because that's what I do and I came across something and then I came across something else and something else and something else. And my big takeaway, pause for a fact. Your brain just wants to help you out. Now, I think most people think of their brain as being, in some ways the totality of themselves, but there's a bunch of little factions and there's, if you're Freudian, there's the ego and the blah, blah, blah. FAWN: What do you mean by helping out? MATT: Exactly. You ever had one of those moments where somebody asks you a question like, you know, what was the name of your fourth grade teacher and you couldn't remember, and then an hour or two later, bam, the name pops into your head. FAWN: Yeah. MATT: Yeah. Well that's one way that your brain is trying to help you out. FAWN: [00:01:00] Well, it would be more helpful if they would tell you immediately. MATT: Well, yeah, but there's a lot going on in your head and it's not necessarily cross indexed. And does that mean it's FAWN: like a messy attic? I think so. So they have to sift through a bunch of old boxes to I think so. Find that piece of paper with that information on it. MATT: Yep. FAWN: Is that why? MATT: Yeah. And that's one thing that your brain is doing for you. The other thing, that your brain is trying to do for you is your brain is always trying to prove, you're right. Your brain is always trying to prove your right. FAWN: Yeah. MATT: So it's a weird thing because running down this rabbit hole, it's like things like, you know, um, if you believe in heaven or, or hell, you are, what you focus on grows. All these things kind of start circulating around this whole thought of your brain wants to prove your right. So if you believe it's gonna be a bad day, guess what? Your brain's gonna show you all the things that make your day [00:02:00] bad. If you think today is gonna be a good day, your brain's gonna go out of its way to show you all the things that make your day good. FAWN: That's why, I mean, it's good to be emotional, but that's why you shouldn't go through emotionally because if you're thinking, well, I suck, and like I was talking to my friend Holly the other day. We were talking about certain things I did in the past that she didn't know about regarding my career and everything. Mm-hmm. Like all the way from, um, when I was a teen to what I did to get into this prestigious art school and what I did after that. And after that, she didn't really know those details. Right. And she's like, wow, you should be so proud. Look at that. That's amazing. And I'm like, yeah, but look at me now. Like, I'm a loser. Oh, loser. Oh. And she's like, whoa, I never would've said that about you. Like, why would you say that? And I'm like, well, I haven't made any money. I haven't been able [00:03:00] to, like, I'm not where I should be successfully financially. Right. So in my mind she's like, but I would never have that dialogue with myself. And yeah, because if you wanna be successful, but if you're thinking well. This happened and I, and I'm, I'm not there yet. Your brain will tell you all the reasons why you're not there yet. Right. MATT: Whereas, and that's where you stay, that's where you stay. If you reframe it, how? Don't ask why. Maybe ask how, FAWN: how, what, MATT: how can I, FAWN: right, right. Or. Just, well, well, this is, this is, this is what I was told the other day, to love every aspect of yourself and not be emotional about it. Not be emotional about like, oh, I haven't made enough money. I, you know what? Oh, terrible. Not successful. But if you look at it like, whatever, I don't care. I love. [00:04:00] I love this about myself. I love the fact that I created these projects. Look at these amazing, uh, works of art that I created. I, against all odds went to these countries and you know, despite having AK 40 sevens pointed in my head, look at what I'd accomplished and the people I met and befriended and everything, you know, but even, not even be emotional to about that, but just loved the whole process that, that I was told last week, that will put you on the path of success. The success you are thinking of for yourself. And there you go. It's because your brain will prove you right. MATT: Right. So when I tell people that go from "Battlestar Galactica", don't say good luck, say good hunting. You're taking active steps, you are moving forward. You are, approaching things with an expectation of success. Mm-hmm. Which flips the script over. [00:05:00] Right. FAWN: It just reminds me every time I go on an audition mm-hmm. You, well now it's the kids, mainly because they're like, they used to say, break a leg. And I'm like, please don't say that. Because another friend of mine who's a very well-known, successful voice actor, he, uh, there's a term he was telling me about a lot a while ago. Uh, break, break A jaw or something. Right. Break a mouth. It was something like that. And then one day I'm on Zoom with him and he was all broken up and bruised, like beaten up. He's like, I fell, I broke my jaw, I broke my jaw, I brought, I broke. I'm like, see words? Like that's why I hate phrases like that. He's like, yeah, I'm not gonna say that again. Or have people say that to me before an audition. So, but now the kids, uh, we saw this movie a while ago and I guess in France. Instead of saying break Allego or something, they say merde, which means [00:06:00] SHI, you know, blah, blah, blah tea. But, and then they'll say, Bon, Bon merde, like, and then it means good shit, but whatever it is, it makes me laugh. I'm like, yeah, right. MATT: Fair enough. Well, I have to say, one of the interviews I went on, you know, everybody's like, oh, hey man, have good luck. And I'm like, have fun. Just have fun for goodness sake, because again, it tweaks your head and, and that's just it. I mean, it, it, it's one of those scenarios where you walk in, but you, it's like your expectation. You know, what do you want to get out of this? You don't know until you're in it on some level, but that maybe that's a whole other thing. But anyways, your brain always wants to prove you're right. That's the big thing. FAWN: So how does this affect friendships? MATT: How can I connect? How can I connect to this person? How can I connect to people? [00:07:00] FAWN: Well, I hear a lot of people lately, including myself. MATT: Mm-hmm. FAWN: After you've been hurt so much and you're so disappointed. Right. It feels like all by like a lot lately. Mm-hmm. People suck. Like I hear that more and more like people suck and I hear it from people who are genuinely so loving and like so hippie dippy. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Like the ones that are completely open-hearted and open armed, like, oh, I love you. Like they're big dogs that love everybody. I hear it from them. Like, people suck. MATT: Ow. What? No, it just, wow, that's terrible for them. FAWN: It's terrible for all of us because you hear that and you're like, oh, you too. Like, oh, wait a minute. Like Sarah said that. Like a few times, right? People suck. MATT: So now you're getting confirmation of perhaps a subconscious bias, which is not a, oh, it's not even subconscious, which is not a healthy thing. FAWN: It's not even subconscious. It is totally conscious. 'cause I'm like, wow, [00:08:00] this person hurt my feelings. This person just did something terrible to me. Like, and then I think, oh, it's just me. And then when she says it, 'cause it feels like everyone loves Sarah. You know what I'm saying? Mm-hmm. I'm like, wait. If that happens to you too, people do suck. So yeah, it's like my brain's showing me and now I'm the brain saying, yeah, that's true, but it's not true. It's what it's what we're focusing on, right? It's, and we're, and it's that, um, confirmation bias, it's a small percentage, but if, if you are hearing one small percentage, you tend to think it's the whole world thinking that. So it's the whole world that sucks. MATT: And that's because that's what your brain, it's what you're telling your brain to focus on because Yeah. And FAWN: that's, that's your entire universe, right? Because MATT: welcome to a hundred thousand years of evolution. Our brain can only focus on like, what do they say, somewhere between three and nine things at any given time, which [00:09:00] is inspiring, but, you know, considering one of those three to nine things is, uh, the saber-tooth tiger. You know, what imminent personal threats do I have? What am I going to eat? Am I going to eat? All of a sudden these, you know, we have less and less and less, and so our brain filters out things that it believes we don't care about. That we don't, maybe even don't need to care about. FAWN: So let's bring it back to focus friendship. So again, focus the whole, um, your brain will prove you right? Your MATT: brain will prove you right? FAWN: About what? So I brought up like how people say people suck. Then you'll just get more confirmation. You get more confirmation MATT: that people suck. So you, it's like you have to, you have to carefully, carefully walk. In a Pollyanna-ish world, but for me, I override any cynicism with just raw curiosity. And I know that I can ask questions and people will answer if I seem, if I am genuinely interested [00:10:00] and that's how I do it, and my brain proves me, right? Because in my head I'm like, everybody has a story to tell. And my brain will prove me right, because we'll figure out what that story is that this person in front of me has, like their parents came over on, you know, their the seventh generation descendant from Daniel Webster or whatever else it is. FAWN: I understand that, Matt. Mm-hmm. But if you're feeling like people suck, you don't care about their stories, it's like, I don't even wanna know your story. MATT: I'm telling you how, what works for me. So, no, I, I know, but it's about figuring out what's gonna work for you. But FAWN: like, if someone has been hurt mm-hmm. And disappointed over and over again, right? They're not, we're not gonna be open to like, oh, what's their story? No. You want them to like, not be in your circle. Right? Well, then they won't be. And then you're thinking the, the circle is the whole world. And then now you're feeling completely isolated. And I think that's another downfall of what's been happening [00:11:00] with loneliness, is you feel isolated, right? Because you're. You are being shown nothing but the CRAP. MATT: Yes. FAWN: Your perspective of that. So what can we do when we're in that state, is what I'm saying. MATT: And this comes difficult for me because I am by my, by my raw nature and opt, um, an optimist, God, I can't even say that words really, but I am by nature an optimist and I am by nature, very curious and even the biggest a-hole in the world, I can, I can generally pry something interesting out of them. FAWN: Well, I'm not talented. When someone, it pisses me off. I'm not talented enough to like, shrug it off and pretend it doesn't bother me. Mm-hmm. I can't pretend to like them. Right. You, you, I mean, that's one thing you've, that you've, you've learned about me right. Is [00:12:00] I can't hide that. Right. Once I see the terrible in someone mm-hmm. I can't, like if I don't like someone, you can tell immediately, like, I can't hide it. I cannot. So I just want them out of the way. I don't wanna be around them, so I MATT: leave. So you leave. That's fine. Find yourself in a situation where that is not the case though. FAWN: Have to start all over again. Yes. MATT: Yes. We have to be comfortable doing that. We have to be comfortable reinventing. We have to be comfortable. FAWN: It's like brushing your teeth. You have to brush your teeth a few times a day. Yes. You can't go around thinking, okay, it'll, it is just taken care of. You have to clean up your space. You have to clear your mind. You have to clear your energy. You have to brush your teeth, wash your body. Right. MATT: Take care of, wash your mind, take care of yourself, body, mind, spirit. Absolutely. FAWN: Right. And then that way you can have your brain show you [00:13:00] the things that are positive MATT: because your brain wants to help you and your brain. And your brain wants to help you prove to make friends, right? FAWN: So, so if you, if MATT: I would argue, your brain wants to prove you, right? That's it. FAWN: So if you are thinking full stop, but if you, if you cleanse your palate, if you brush your teeth and you clean and dust yourself off. You are op, you're more of an open slate again. Yes. And you can say, okay, I'm gonna find a friend today. MATT: Yes. And there you go. And your brain will then filter it. FAWN: Your brain will find you a friend. Yes. Alright. Shall we end it here for now? MATT: Sounds good. We'll see what happens. Be well everyone FAWN: have a beautiful every day.