Episode Transcript
Transcript
[00:00:00] Fawn: Welcome back to our friendly world everybody. Hello. Let's make it a friendly world. Mike, I mean Mike, Matt.
[00:00:07] MATT: Yes? You have to
[00:00:08] Fawn: talk into the mic. What? All right, this is going to take us back to some Aikido, and I'm going to need your help, Matt. Circles. Circles? Like what we allow in our circles. From personal experience, the last, I want to say, I don't know, I'll just say the last several weeks.
[00:00:27] Fawn: Nope. Since January. Mid January. I've been needing to really, check my atmosphere around my head, my spirit, my heart, everything. Ooh, I sound really woo woo. What I'm trying to say, and this is going to sound so Um, what's the word when you say the opposite or do the opposite of what you're preaching?
[00:00:48] Fawn: Not that we're preaching, but you know, we're here to talk about friendship and how to have friendship, everlasting friendship, how to be in communities and how to do all of [00:01:00] that. But I feel like what, what's really been on our minds, definitely on my mind, I'll just speak for myself has been that I need to step away. I've been needing a lot of time to tune down all the noise around me, and noise means all of people's judgments, all of people's ideas, and everything that's happening from politics to everything, actually, everything. I um, I don't, I don't have the, I don't even know what the word is that I don't have.
[00:01:39] Fawn: I was going to say wherewithal, but I,
[00:01:41] MATT: capacity,
[00:01:43] Fawn: eh, I feel like I'm starting to overuse that, that word. I don't have it in me now.
[00:01:49] Fawn: I don't have it in me to be around a lot of people.
[00:01:53] MATT: Right.
[00:01:53] Fawn: And I've noticed. I've been around a group of people who are, you know, initially [00:02:00] like totally and still do respect But at the same time I don't. So here's where Well, because I respect them I Have love for them. However, I've noticed I don't know if it comes from feeling too comfortable That I've been noticing their downfalls.
[00:02:23] Fawn: I've been noticing Their humanness, I guess it's called humanness, but I don't want to just give someone a pass and say, oh, well, they're human No, I don't like how they're talking I don't like the way they believe their truth is the ultimate truth and because they felt that I was one of them or I am one of them that they have claim over me and if I say hey, I need to have some time on my own right now They don't respect that.
[00:02:56] Fawn: You know what I'm talking about, Matt. Right,
[00:02:57] MATT: especially on your birthday.
[00:02:59] Fawn: [00:03:00] So, my birthday is like the only time, really, where I usually say to everyone, I have to go away. You know, I used to go away to an island when we were, when I lived in Santa Monica. I would go to the, Channel Islands on my birthday, and it was a place for me to completely reflect, connect, and figure out what's going on with everything.
[00:03:24] Fawn: And I would feel totally energized by the end of it. It was my own, like, committee meeting. It was my own what do you call those big staff meetings? Board meetings. Board meetings, thank you, exactly. Board meetings. anyway, and I haven't, you know, been able to do that. And when I don't, when I don't have that time to myself, And this is why, the, is it called dichotomy?
[00:03:47] Fawn: When, Two things juxtaposed? Yeah. Yes. This is the dichotomy of the whole Friendship Podcast and me trying to explain that we need to completely go [00:04:00] and be by ourselves for a while. That, that's necessary. I know that that's necessary for me. I don't know about all of you, how everyone else feels about it, but I just feel like there's so much stuff out there that's floating around that it's making me short circuit in a way.
[00:04:19] Fawn: Right. So, yeah.
[00:04:23] MATT: The one, welcome to historical stuff, but the Myers Briggs test where you get your little four letter blah, blah, blah, which they found out later was complete and utter hooey. The one thing they got right is there are introverts and there are extroverts. And introverts gain power by being by themselves and extroverts gain power by being with other people.
[00:04:45] Fawn: I can't imagine. So, and this makes me a total introvert. Right. Even though, Wendy and I talk about this all the time, I feel like, and she's like, you're not an introvert. I'm like, I am! I'm totally
[00:04:56] MATT: an
[00:04:58] Fawn: introvert! But, uh, I can't [00:05:00] imagine extroverts, how they gain energy from other people.
[00:05:03] MATT: They feed off others, almost.
[00:05:05] MATT: Ugh! Yeah, I know, I know. I have not known a ton of extroverts, but.
[00:05:11] Fawn: Like, they need to be around other people. Anyway, I'm quite the opposite. Bringing it back to the conversation today, I want to talk about blog consciousness. Not blog, I'm sorry, bog. B O G. Oh,
[00:05:23] MATT: we going to the swamp, are we?
[00:05:25] Fawn: Yeah. So, I, um, I was looking at a video, and I didn't even know what a bog was.
[00:05:32] Fawn: I'm like, oh my gosh, this rings true. So, a bog is a wetland that's made of, um, peat. Do you know what peat is, by the way? It's
[00:05:41] MATT: like vegetable, vegetation matter that gets compressed down. So there's, you can burn, people burn peat.
[00:05:48] Fawn: Huh, I've never heard of that until today. People cook over
[00:05:51] MATT: peat, peat moss and peat.
[00:05:52] MATT: Yes.
[00:05:53] Fawn: Okay, so a bog is a wetland that's made of peat, , a deposit partially decayed plant matter. [00:06:00] But I found out that, and I don't know if you know this Matt, but there's British slang, it's a British slang term for a toilet.
[00:06:08] MATT: I actually did know that, believe it or not, but yeah, it would
[00:06:12] Fawn: take him.
[00:06:12] Fawn: So, like, bog paper would be toilet paper? Mm hmm. Okay, so I wanted to talk about that because I feel like, especially now, I don't think it's just the United States. I don't think so. There's such a herd mentality that's a blog right now, don't you think?
[00:06:30] MATT: That's a bog?
[00:06:31] Fawn: Yeah, it's toilet. The herd mentality, what people are thinking mostly, the mass consciousness, the herd.
[00:06:40] Fawn: I feel like those are all blog thoughts. I'm sorry, I keep saying blog, bog. Those are bog thoughts. and I want to talk about psychic free radicals, bear with me. Those are, so every time we have a thought, it goes out there. And definitely, whatever we say, it all goes out there. [00:07:00] So, all the myths, the lies, the judgments, the, all that stuff, they gravitate around our, I've heard this term, the unprotected psyche, and I think that's why.
[00:07:13] Fawn: Kids right now are so anxious and so depressed or people in general are that way Because all these thoughts and beliefs are in the atmosphere and they claim us they come towards us like Magnets like how magnets attract. So these thoughts these ideas these energies take a form In us,
[00:07:35] Fawn: it is such bog material that they cause us to become heavy, sad, depressed, disillusioned, disappointed, scared, angry, hopeless, we have anxiety attacks. I don't think all of these feelings are just physical, I think it comes from a psychic realm. Because we're picking up, you know, how [00:08:00] energy becomes matter, right?
[00:08:03] Fawn: I heard Carolyn Myss describe it, how these thoughts are energies, but they have to find their way to material existence. And they, they get attracted to us. And if you're not clearing your circle, this is like me trying to get back to Aikido also. If you allow this in your circle, So, if you're not aware, if you don't wake up every day and choose to, really look at what's coming in you, in your circle, then you'll be infiltrated by all this toilet stuff, toilet matter.
[00:08:44] Fawn: Um, so anyway,
[00:08:50] Fawn: how do I say this? So, there are some people that I really truly like, but I've found myself wanting to Stay away from them. [00:09:00] And then I got this guilt trip from them. So, I try to go back, and I try to be there, and I found myself feeling bad again. And then, the more , I felt the guilt pulling me back, the more angry I started to become.
[00:09:15] Fawn: And, and, now I can't function. Now I'm just like raging. So, and then all these other thoughts come into my head. Should I be tapping now? No, not you, honey. You know who I'm talking about. But after, after, after a point, I had to step away because, you know when you hear something, and it's wonderful, but then all of a sudden when you're entrenched in it, when you're in it, and it's like family, like family and everyone's comfortable, then People are comfortable saying whatever and then as soon as you hear one thing it just for me it just snaps me out of it like Saying something against any group, right?
[00:09:59] Fawn: I'm like, [00:10:00] whoa. Okay. I can't be around this. This is not my way This is not the way it's not it's not a proper way to be No, thank you. So that's what I'm talking about, bog consciousness. I think that when people feel lonely and people feel disconnected, there's such a need to be part of a group.
[00:10:20] Fawn: If something scary happens, a person will feel like Okay, I need to have family. I need to have, and if I don't really have family, I need to create family. So I need to create a group that has my back, that I'm a part of, that I feel Part of like, I'm protected, but then that kind of desperation to create that you, you may, people may get into situations where they start overlooking things, but for me, like, once I started to hear certain things that didn't jive with me, that totally went against my sensibilities, I had to pull out, like I [00:11:00] have, I have to step away because I can't even be in that position to at least speak And say, what you are saying is not okay.
[00:11:09] Fawn: Because I, I, I would, I don't want to get into a fight and I'm so now bogged down. Is that where the word bogged down comes from?
[00:11:19] MATT: You get stuck in a bog, yes.
[00:11:21] Fawn: Yeah, you become part of that swamp so it's hard to move. And, and, and you're so heavy that, you're so heavy that everything becomes heavy and slow.
[00:11:36] Fawn: Time is going by really fast. Much faster than ever before yet you're part of this quicksand that it's hard to maneuver out of right? But once you have that thought to get you back to that elevated state, you're like, whoa Aha, you know and then you need to stay there you need to Pull yourself to that light area so you can brush it all off, clean yourself, [00:12:00] clean your circle, clear your circle, Anyway, I, but, I don't know, I kind of need help, Matt, because I feel guilty.
[00:12:08] MATT: And welcome to my childhood, shall we? Uh, literally. But we
[00:12:13] Fawn: don't want to dwell. We don't want to dwell on the past.
[00:12:15] MATT: But that's the whole point though, is I've developed those muscles over years. Very different than my parents.
[00:12:25] MATT: Different sensibilities, different friendship groups, different people I like to associate with. All people that my parents wouldn't necessarily agree with, get along with, or even understand on many levels. And so, over the course of time, I developed the muscles of, do whatever you want to do, I'll listen to whatever it is you have to say, but it's not going to touch me.
[00:12:50] MATT: Which is weird and every once in a while it does of course because welcome to life But to me, that's it's almost like the definition. That was the beginnings of [00:13:00] The Tao of me, the Tao of Matt, and, and this concept of circles, absolutely. And by the way, circle, the whole concept of circles functions very well inside a stoic mentality as well.
[00:13:11] MATT: Because the only things I have control over, basically, is how I feel about the things that I do. It's my virtue, it's my values, it's the only thing I have control over. And everything else is everything else, which is heavy. Which is super heavy, which means it's not that I don't care about what people think about me, but ultimately I'm only responsible to myself for everything that I do.
[00:13:41] MATT: Pain, tricky, challenging. And it's, it, it can become very hard when we live in a society that's filled with so much messaging about, hey, you're lacking this, you're lacking that, you need to do this, you need to do that, in order to be happy, in order to be fulfilled, in order to move forward. [00:14:00] Which is one of the reasons why we look for groups because we look for other sources of validation, but the really sticky part is The only person who can validate me is me.
[00:14:11] MATT: Now you're writing something, so I'm getting scared.
[00:14:16] Fawn: No, I, I have a question. So I just didn't want to forget my question. But it's interesting, Matt, because you, um, I wanted to talk about this today, and I definitely wanted to have a cure. At the end.
[00:14:29] MATT: Mm hmm.
[00:14:29] Fawn: And in my notes, it's so funny, you brought it to that.
[00:14:33] Fawn: Did you, did you peek at my notes?
[00:14:34] MATT: You know, I read the top line of your notes and I swear to goodness that was it. Okay, I swear,
[00:14:39] Fawn: this is what I wrote. I said, the cure is to be humble, not to seek approval.
[00:14:45] MATT: That's the cure. I wouldn't, I wouldn't say I was humble.
[00:14:49] Fawn: But you know, you, you're not seeking approval.
[00:14:52] Fawn: That is definitely true. That is definitely true. But here's where my [00:15:00] question lies. Are you done with what you were saying though? I'm done. I try not to interrupt you now, if you've noticed. I used to interrupt you all the time. I am so done. Are you done now?
[00:15:12] MATT: Yeah, I'm done.
[00:15:13] Fawn: That's why I was taking notes and now I'm taking notes and you're, I'm still interrupting you.
[00:15:16] Fawn: I'm just quietly like a little mouse trying to write something down. Alright, so here's my question. Um, I feel like, would you say I'm pretty humble though?
[00:15:30] MATT: Yes. Okay,
[00:15:32] Fawn: I feel like Okay, I don't know how to say this, you guys. I feel like, remember I would talk about my friend who's a photographer also, and I told you guys about how she always thinks she's better than I am, and like, in everything, right?
[00:15:50] Fawn: And she's so, like, taken aback by the fact that I am a baker. You know what I'm saying? Like, she's like, I taught you how to bake. I'm like, Actually, [00:16:00] I used to be a professional baker
[00:16:02] MATT: before
[00:16:02] Fawn: I even made a star French restaurant in San Francisco, but she's like You know what? I'm saying like In being humble, I find that people use that as a leverage to Like beat me over the head that I'm a know nothing person Like I know nothing that I'm some idiot that they have to explain things to you know And so, I have to sit there, biting my lip, and just like, let them talk.
[00:16:36] Fawn: Because you can't interrupt them, because if you do interrupt them to say, actually, then they're like, you're being so defensive. You know what I'm saying? Like, and I don't, I don't want to get in that confrontation. Right. So I just let it go, but then it festers inside me.
[00:16:54] MATT: See, that's why after I get off a call and I'll be like cursing and screaming because that's how I [00:17:00] let it go.
[00:17:00] Fawn: Well, that's why I have Tourette's in the shower.
[00:17:02] MATT: And there you go. That's why you have Tourette's in the shower. I mean, I have a
[00:17:06] MATT: question. I'm sorry. Go ahead. But I have a question.
[00:17:12] MATT: You know, for me personally, it's about finding those people that I, I think I can look up to and, and, and figuring out how I can be more, I can emulate them more.
[00:17:23] Fawn: But see, initially, I was going to say we should title this show, this episode, Feet of Clayfriend. Because, yeah, we always find people to look up to, but, eventually We find fault with them.
[00:17:38] MATT: Except for now, I'm finding people that maybe don't have fault.
[00:17:41] Fawn: Not yet. You don't know.
[00:17:43] MATT: You're right. You don't
[00:17:45] Fawn: know. So, okay, so here's my dilemma.
[00:17:48] MATT: Yes.
[00:17:49] Fawn: If I If I do say something, or if I do explain the reason why I'm pulling back, or that I don't want to hang out with this group anymore that [00:18:00] that much, as much as I did, I will I know, inevitably I will be told that I am Going astray in the wrong direction Do you know what I'm saying? They will find exact reasons of how My way is bad, right? And that makes me feel really bad And so my dilemma is in remaining humble I'm always questioning myself like what is the real reason I'm pulling back? Is it because I'm scared?
[00:18:34] Fawn: Is it because, um, I, what's the real reason? And it takes me forever to pull back, and when I pull back, I pull back, and I disappear. But, I don't know what my, I don't know how to pose this question, I don't even know the question anymore, but that's my dilemma, is how do I know that I'm not Misunderstanding them.
[00:18:59] Fawn: Do you know what I'm [00:19:00] saying? How do I know that I'm not sabotaging a relationship by pulling back? All I can say is I just go back to that bog mentality and I feel bogged down with statements that are hurtful. You know, like if these statements I feel like That are spoken like kitchen table talk like things that are spoken only amongst friends or or You find these people like constantly in a negative loop and you try to take them out of it by showing them something That's not negative.
[00:19:38] Fawn: That's happy. Right? They'll still take that and make it They'll make it unhappy. Yes. Oh my god. Yes. So I have to step back. I have to step away It's not my job,
[00:19:49] MATT: right? And there you go, it's not your job, why are you granting others power over you?
[00:19:58] Fawn: No, no, I'm [00:20:00] not giving them power over me, but I'm giving them They can make you feel bad!
[00:20:03] Fawn: I make myself, I allow myself to feel bad because I let that bog in. Do you know what I'm saying? So why, why can't,
[00:20:11] MATT: why can't you just deal with it with sweetness and light and move on? Regardless of whatever it is they say. Because
[00:20:17] Fawn: they come after me, Matt. They follow me. What, you
[00:20:21] MATT: think, you think my family didn't come after me?
[00:20:23] MATT: Oh,
[00:20:23] Fawn: you know what? My family came over I've lived inside
[00:20:27] MATT: of that for years. Who
[00:20:28] Fawn: are you talking
[00:20:29] MATT: to? And I developed the empty jacket. Okay?
[00:20:35] Fawn: I'm just saying, I did the same more so with my family. I mean, we're still talking to your family.
[00:20:42] MATT: So they're still going for blood and I'm still dancing around it. shows
[00:20:47] Fawn: up. The same issue shows up again with different people. So, I have to, I feel like, give it the benefit of the doubt to make sure. I mean, [00:21:00] we've all met those people who, for whatever reason, take anything and go, Oh, that person. That person has black hair and brown eyes just like this other person that had black hair and brown eyes and they hurt me so they have vengeance towards you just because there's one element of your anything that resembles Something from their past.
[00:21:23] Fawn: I don't want to be that way. You know what I'm saying? So I'm trying to give it the benefit of the doubt. I'm trying to Be open, but I think in my being openness, the bog will take over me.
[00:21:36] MATT: Basically, the only time, waltzin through life, people say whatever it is they want to say, I can smile and nod, and that's what I generally do.
[00:21:46] MATT: If it's something that fundamentally challenges things hardcore, I'll do my research. I won't say, oh my god, you're so smart, thank you so much, blah blah blah blah. I'll do my research. If they're right, then maybe my worldview just changed, maybe [00:22:00] it didn't. And the only time that I offer, generally offer my own opinions on things is when I'm asked.
[00:22:13] MATT: I don't put my opinion out there necessarily all the time. But if somebody's like Well, what do you think about this? Or, somebody makes a comment like, Wow, look, the team is blah, blah, blah, blah. And this happened recently at work. Wow, the team is really coming together, aren't they, Matt? Soon as you ask me a question, expect to get a blunt MF answer.
[00:22:37] MATT: And I will deliver it. And I will shoot it straight. And sometimes shooting it straight means, Yeah, I guess we are. And sometimes shooting it straight is You would think so, but this is, these are the things I'm doing to facilitate that. But that's the only time I offer that opinion. Other than that, I'm just walking through my life.
[00:22:57] MATT: I'm walking on my path from corner to corner [00:23:00] of the mat. And if you're spewing stuff that I don't want to hear, then I'm just going to move away from it.
[00:23:08] Fawn: Two things I wanted to say. One is, I feel like most people, I think my friend Wendy is the only person that actually asks for my opinion. Seriously, I never get asked for my opinion otherwise.
[00:23:23] Fawn: I'm just told, and I wonder if it's because I'm quiet that I offer an open armed kind of vibe. And then the other thing I wanted to say is I don't operate that way, Matt, because I want to connect completely with someone, so I'm completely open hearted. But then again, Perhaps my circle is open and that allows for the bog to seep in
[00:23:47] MATT: right?
[00:23:48] Fawn: So Here's the thing. I think that when we so so much want to have community [00:24:00] We tend to once again, we've talked about the pebble in the shoe, right? Something keeps bothering you and you're like, oh, I don't want to take off my shoe and take it out, right? Let me just keep walking. Hopefully it'll move over Maybe the rock will move over.
[00:24:13] Fawn: Um, in my shoe. Um, I think, I think that's so hard because we are here to connect and we are here to find community and right now it just seems even more so. Correct me if I'm wrong. Maybe I'm being really negative right now. It just feels like there's a lot of bog.
[00:24:33] MATT: Well, there's a lot of force out there that's trying to tear apart aspects of society.
[00:24:39] Fawn: And so, once again, here comes the dichotomy and I'm going to say it. It's better to be alone, but you're never alone. It's, you know, there's always, why are you saying like that? Isn't it true though? I didn't say it. I said, I exhaled. Yeah, there was a lot. It was loaded. [00:25:00] But, you know, it's like, um, Dating. Like, I would notice so many people would just date and be in relationship after relationship because they never wanted to be alone.
[00:25:12] Fawn: You're never alone, but It's just, it's better not to be. Inside of a locked thing. I'll just say it. It's better to be alone than to be See, you did it again! I'm just breathing! Go ahead. What are you, what are you thinking?
[00:25:31] MATT: Uhhh
[00:25:33] Fawn: Cause every time you breathe like that I lose, I lose my train of thought. Okay, I'll be quiet.
[00:25:37] Fawn: No, go ahead. Now I've lost it. So what's the breathing about?
[00:25:41] MATT: It's just exhaling. It, it, it, okay, so the overwhelming kind of feeling that comes over me when you're like, it's better to be alone, you know, that's Not forever, mind you. It's not, it's, it depends. Sometimes yes, sometimes no, sometimes maybe, sometimes Okay, let me just, let
[00:25:58] Fawn: me just say this.
[00:25:59] Fawn: It's [00:26:00] better to be alone. Let me finish my thought. It's better to be alone and to collect yourself and to clear your circle, to clear your psyche. Get strong and protected. Now, don't use protected in a, in a negative way, but get pure to then attract your true people. Yes. Your community.
[00:26:22] MATT: Sometimes it's good to go.
[00:26:23] MATT: I, I think of it as going back to the source, really climbing inside of myself, inside the most innermost layers of the onion and making sure that, that it's clean, that it's understood and that. Yeah, and it's strong, because the world wants to beat you down, my goodness.
[00:26:46] Fawn: And for me, it's about stepping away and disinfecting everything in your circle.
[00:26:54] MATT: I said
[00:26:54] Fawn: clean!
[00:26:56] MATT: Yeah, well,
[00:26:56] Fawn: um, disinfect. [00:27:00]
[00:27:01] MATT: Just kidding.
[00:27:05] Fawn: Anyway, so that's what I've been going through, guys. I, it's, it is, it is. I have been, this is what I've been going through.
[00:27:18] MATT: Well, I would wholeheartedly implore. Implore. So fascinating, and I've talked about him before, but Admiral Stockdale. Mr, he was Perot's vice presidential candidate. And when he went on the vice presidential debate, you know, he was like, Who am I and what am I doing here?
[00:27:38] MATT: That's what he said. That's a Stoic right there. He was told he was a dyed in the wool Stoic. It got him through incarceration in Vietnam and He wasn't afraid to say that and that's what all philosophers should those that's the fundamental question Who am I and why am I [00:28:00] here and channeling that and feeling the strength of that and having the answer to that?
[00:28:08] MATT: It's one of the things that allows me to go forward on a day to day basis and just be me.
[00:28:12] Fawn: Okay.
[00:28:13] MATT: So how's that for some heaviness at the end?
[00:28:16] Fawn: It's not heavy. It's not heavy. What?
[00:28:18] MATT: That is heavy, man. Heavy.
[00:28:20] Fawn: Okay, man. Uh Anyway, that's it. Okay. Have a good day, everyone. Have a beautiful every day. If you need us, please reach out. Okay. Bye.
[00:28:35] MATT: Be well.
