Hope

In this episode:

To hope is to intend with some possibility of fulfillment, to be optimistic, to expect a wish.  The noun form of it is a general feeling that some desire will be fulfilled.  All this is in anticipation that something will happen.

We're waiting on something.

Faith and hope are complimentary.  Faith is the substance of things hoped for. Faith is grounded in the reality of the past. Hope is looking to the reality of the future.

While everybody is really trying to live their best lives, you can't, you don't always, you can try, you can strive. But the world has a nasty habit of giving you the yin and the yang, the good and the bad, the male and the female in equal portions in your life. Sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down

We also talk about being vulnerable and how that is seen as weakness. We don't talk about any of this. And I wonder why. Is it seen as weakness? What is it? Is that we don't have time to even talk? Is it because there is no one around that's listening?

We talk about the work of Dr. Mario Martinez and how culture affects your health and one’s aging process. And it's all about belief; the belief system.

If we come together, we can create something that we thought was impossible. We can create a society that is peaceful.

 Matt says there's a number of different switches we need to flip as an entire society. Uh, I think one of the switches we need to flip this, this concept of scarcity that I can't have something because somebody else already has it, or because, or thinking that there's such a limited pool of resources that I have to somehow or another, get it from someone else. I have to steal it. I have to grab an opportunity away from someone. So this is a whole kind of thought of scarcity. And I think we also need to stay very conscious of understanding exactly what success is. Success is not a $50 million home with 10 exotic cars and et cetera, et cetera, and children in Harvard, you know, I think that that's certainly a measure, but it's not the only measure of what success really looks like.

Can we feel rich without the big mansion? Can we feel rich without the stuff?

Remember that pain loss longing that you go through has a beginning, a middle and an end, and you should respect all three, especially, hopefully the end, if it's something bad.

Transcript:

[00:00:00] Fawn: [00:00:00] Hello?

Fawn and Matt: [00:00:01] Hello? Hello.

Fawn: [00:00:02] I like how you smile when you say hello .Lately, I'm just like, hello.

Matt: [00:00:08] Good morning. Good afternoon. Good evening.

Fawn: [00:00:10] Hello everybody around the world. Thank you for listening. Do you remember when we used to laugh? We would even start the show like in midst of laughter. I don't know if that's possible anymore.

Can we do that? Well, it happened again. I hope so. Hope, hope, hope, hope we talked about faith. A couple of shows back. We did a whole show, keeping the faith.

Matt: [00:00:38] Does that mean we're going to have to do charity too to be schoolhouse? Rock compliant?

Fawn: [00:00:42] No.

Matt: [00:00:43] Okay. Fair enough.

Fawn: [00:00:44] Sorry.

Matt: [00:00:45] It's all right. I never watched schoolhouse rock.

Fawn: [00:00:48] Um, I don't know. I mean,  what is hope? Hope is mostly used as a verb and  to intend with some possibility of fulfillment, to [00:01:00] be optimistic, to expect a wish.  The noun form of it is a general feeling that some desire will be fulfilled.  All this is in anticipation, that something will happen.

You're waiting on something. And I say, and if you look at it biblically, it goes back to waiting on God.

Matt: [00:01:22] I don't think I like the word. Wait, I like

the word.

Fawn: [00:01:24] That's what I'm trying to say.

Matt: [00:01:26] Okay. Nevermind, go ahead.

Fawn: [00:01:27] We're waiting on something. And usually biblically it's waiting on God, God, to transform something.

So my thing is we are a part of God. We are God. So really it's up to us to change it. And I've been looking into the etymology of hope and I read one thing  from etymology,  one site  said this, so  I can't verify that it's totally true, but I like it, it was saying that it comes from [00:02:00] a word curve, meaning to bend, but it's interesting, even if it's not true, even if I can't prove the etymology existence of this thing curve, in relation to hope, but let's look at it.

It's a change in direction. It's going in a different way. Right. So it's up to us. Let's create it. Thinking of hope, I was reading that faith and hope are complimentary.  Faith is the substance of things hoped for. Faith is grounded in the reality of the past .Hope is looking to the reality of the future.

Why are you looking at me like that?

Matt: [00:02:43] I don't like the word, wait,

Fawn: [00:02:45] that's what I'm saying.

Matt: [00:02:46] I like the word, expectation. Expect it's not passive.  I had a very close friend and I used to describe him as an action word because everything [00:03:00] seemed like it had a verb. Everything had motion, everything had, and a wait feels like no motion. Expect, feels like motion.

Fawn: [00:03:08] Intention is what I was going to get to next. But you know what? What was the word you just said?

Matt: [00:03:13] Expect

Fawn: [00:03:14] to expect means it's not there yet. So you have to wait. You're waiting while you're expecting something.  An expectant mother is waiting on the birth of the baby.

Matt: [00:03:26] Yes, but there's a general underlying feel to me personally, at least that it's absolutely going to happen.

Fawn: [00:03:33] Right?

Matt: [00:03:34] No ambiguity.

Fawn: [00:03:35] That's actually the definition of hope. It's different than wishful thinking. It is the expectation that it will occur. But my point is, it's still waiting. You're waiting on it. So I'm saying let's change that. Lets veer over, over here and let's do something because the state of the world, the way it is, and this episode came [00:04:00] from a conversation we were having a few hours ago.

Yesterday. It was, it was I was just, you know, things are not looking good in the United States, no matter what the we've had, the change in politics, sort of, you know, we have a new president. Um, people were feeling hopeful for a minute for a second and it just feels like we're even more divided and things are just as crazy. What is happening?

And I know that United States, the United States is not the only country having turmoil for sure, but we tend to think we're the center of the planet, and we're the only ones going through hardship and you know, the only one, I'm the only one. I, and, and that's the problem. So yesterday we were talking about when we were kids, do you remember the first shooting you ever heard of?

And we, we both. Even though we didn't know each other. And even though [00:05:00] we lived in different areas of Southern California, we both went to the same instance of a mass shooting. And it was when we were little, it was at a McDonald's and when it happened,  as a child, it was extremely terrifying.

And I remember,  I had voiced concern about it  and being told, well, yeah, I can understand that being told from my father who was unemployed at the time. And you know, of course in our family, we're always going through something hard, hard times, but he said, yeah, I understand that. I understand that, you know, someone gets  pushed to the brink and if they're going to be taken out, they want to take on everyone else with them.

Matt: [00:05:48] And how old were we at this point

Fawn: [00:05:51] 10?

Matt: [00:05:52] Oh, you don't have a vocabulary to refute this or even comment on it and you just have to accept it.

Fawn: [00:05:57] No, I understood. I [00:06:00] understood. So being an empath and ever since I was a baby, I like, I think I had different thought forms. Like I was seriously, I came in with some, with some feelings and so I was always taking notes even as a baby.

I remember things from when I was in diapers, but no, I understood where it was coming from. And I understood his is what he said.

Matt: [00:06:24] It's not about refuting what he's saying. It's about no, maybe it is about refuting. It's about either. Certainly when I was 10, you know, anything my parents said, I, I, I didn't have a filter at that point to say, to get some distance from it.

That's all I'm saying.

Fawn: [00:06:43] I had distance because I had to, to survive these people that I was born into. So I thought about it. I mean, immediately the first thought was, wow, I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way because obviously he was [00:07:00] emphasizing, right. Would that kind of thing, not that he would ever do it, but he was feeling so distraught that he could understand that.

And I don't, I don't think  it came from really a place of empathy. I really don't know. I really don't even want to go there, but it, it brought about the conversation yesterday. We were like, okay. And now, since then, that was like a one-time occurrence. It felt like when we were kids and I'm not talking about police brutality, I'm talking about just the other thing that is going on is the mass shootings constantly.

Every day, every day, every day, what is happening. And so we were like, okay, we always ask the question. What is happening? Why is this happening? What's going on here? And we came up, you know, we have the same theories we've always had for years, you and I. One of the things is [00:08:00] it's a time of eruption as it's a time of just volatile, discomfort and angst and, needs, not being met

Matt: [00:08:11] and voices, not being heard.

Fawn: [00:08:13] Yeah. The disrespect the disregard, all of that, if we're not taking care of one another, if we are saying, well, just pull yourself up by your bootstraps kind of thing. When someone really, is in need of help and they are tired, maybe they can't and we need

to help.

Matt: [00:08:34] Right. And also, certainly when I get super tired, sometimes I'm not even aware that I'm super tired.

Sometimes I'm not aware of how badly I'm in pain until I have an opportunity to explode all over somebody or something,

Fawn: [00:08:48] or unless it's the end. Right.  So

I'd to explain what I'm about to say.

 So we were talking [00:09:00] and the thing is that when you're going through stuff and every single person is going through stuff, everyone. Everyone is in turmoil and  it's a cyclical thing. We're going through hard times, dark, dark times, and they can last for centuries sometimes. All right.

Right. So my point here with all of us here today, with our movement, our podcast, we're here to talk it out. We're here to actually create change and in invoking things and using our voice and expressing a thought out loud, I do believe it will dissipate and heal a wound. You know,  it's interesting because one of the other words I was thinking of is intention.

Another one is invoke. And of course I got into the etymology of these things. Did you know that intention is often confused with the other word intension? One is with an S.  One is with a T. Okay. [00:10:00] Intention has two meanings. It's an aim or a plan. The second meaning comes from medicine, and it says the healing of a wound

Matt: [00:10:11] is intention?

Fawn: [00:10:11] Yeah. And then intension with an S is the internal contents of a concept, one number two, the resolution or determination.

Matt: [00:10:23] It's interesting. And we certainly talking about Aikido all the time on this plucky little podcast. We talk about how a strike is literally a desperation to communicate. Right. And in Aikido we extend it. We don't interfere with it. We extend it. We respect isn't the right word, but we continue the motion.

We don't interfere with the initial integral motion to it. But typically when you extend a crazy motion, like a punch, it ends up with somebody falling down.

Fawn: [00:10:55] So we're allowing it to flow.

Matt: [00:10:58] We're allowing it to flow, but [00:11:00] we're not allowing it to directly affect us negatively.

Fawn: [00:11:05] We're guiding.

Matt: [00:11:06] Yes, we are guiding, but I want to make it very clear that in no means and no way are we accepting this blow on our body.

Fawn: [00:11:14] Right.

So  from now on my intention and I'm invoking it, which is another word I wanted to bring into this episode today, invoke: to call forth now. In all the dictionaries, it says to call forth by incantation incantation. I really want to look that one up that apology or that, can you explain incantation to me?

It's very biblical. It's very like if I see the priest with a smoking thing,

Matt: [00:11:43] If we take a look at religion, if we take a look at sir John Fraser, Seminole work, the golden bow where he investigated B O U G H, where he investigated magic amongst the primitive peoples, an invocation has sometimes a verbal [00:12:00] component, sometimes a physical component and sometimes a motion, like moving your hands in a certain way.

Yeah. Different components go into your invocation, go into your quote, unquote magic spell, or your benediction in church or your, you know, there's all sorts of different components to it.

Fawn: [00:12:23] Absolutely. It's a recipe. First is thought, then there's the sound from your voice and then there's action.

That's how you create, right? So invoke,  means to call forth by incantation. The root of it,  going back way back. It's in gratis, I N G R a T U S plus  V O C a R E plus voco, V O C O. So that turns into invocare, I N V [00:13:00] O C a R E, which turns into envoquer E N V O Q U E R. Turns into envoken, E N V O K E N. And that turns into invoke. I N V O K E. So, okay, words, words, words, whatever. So what's happening is obviously we're not hearing the cries and  they have been happening for many decades now, right? And it's getting worse and worse and it's speeding up.

Matt: [00:13:35] Because I think people are hurrying things along.

People are agitating. People are building it.

Fawn: [00:13:42] I mean, as, as soon as the vaccines came out, we have had many shootings a day, every single day right now in other countries, if someone gets stabbed, it is a national time to mourn the whole country. It's like getting a paper cut from my perspective, someone [00:14:00] getting a paper cut and everything's shutting down and saying, we got a paper cut.

Meanwhile, mass shootings, many times a day, every day here in the United States. It is disgraceful it's disgraceful because we have not been hearing each other. We have not been taking care of issues here. And it's, I don't want to say it's just, of course it becomes a mental issue. We have it. We need to be treated like if you have health insurance, if you're lucky enough to have health insurance here, guess what?

You're not covered if you need to see a therapist to talk about something. We, uh, you have to pay a lot of money. So who has that? And the people that really need help, the people that really need to talk about something. Guess what, if you get to the root of it, it mostly, mostly, I'm not saying all the time has to do with finances, the stress of making money, the stress of not having a home, the stress of losing your [00:15:00] home.

The stress of, I can't pay this bill at the hospital. You know, and, and in our case, like many times ago, when Elle was born, I worked so hard to work as a photographer and I had some savings so that when we did have our baby, we would have a little cushion. Guess what that was wiped out because of the mistakes the hospital made. An entire savings wiped out because of mistakes the hospital made wiped out, no money, this, this kind of thing. I was just one tiny example, folks have here in the United States. And that's just one tiny example. And there's so many things that people are under duress for. So we're here.

We're going to talk about it. We're going to talk about it. We're going to let you know that. We're not alone. So the conversation we had yesterday, it was, [00:16:00] it started with, do you remember the first mass shooting we had when we were kids, which was a long time ago and look at the state of the world now in, within this country.

And why is this happening? One because no, one's listening. No one has the time and there's no structure. There's no ritual set up to take care of one another to be human. We're always working, working, working for what? We have nothing.  Most people are paycheck to paycheck, right? No savings, no health insurance.

It is ridiculous. We have low gas prices. I mean, we do compared to other countries. Yeah.

Matt: [00:16:45] Fair enough.

Fawn: [00:16:45] If you come from the UK and you come here,  and put Petrol in your car, you're like, woo. This is a great country until you have to go fix a wound

Matt: [00:16:55] or you figured out how much vacation time you get.

Fawn: [00:16:59] So, [00:17:00] and if you

Matt: [00:17:00] live, wow, we are just Debbie downer today, aren't we??

Fawn: [00:17:03] I'm sorry. That's my fault. But I'm trying to get somewhere here.  That's the thing. Ooh, let's not get down. Let's not feel these emotions. That's part of the problem

Matt: [00:17:11] No, I'm not saying we shouldn't feel the emotions. I'm just, you know, looking at it in the scope of the show,

Fawn: [00:17:16] Alright, turning it around here comes the curve.

This is exactly why we're talking here. So what can we do beyond hope to create change? I mean, yes, we're going to have hope because I like this. You're expecting something to happen, but I'm not about to wait anymore folks. And this is why we're doing our podcast. It's about communication here and it's about figuring it out.

We're going to talk, we're figuring it out as we are talking. So questions. What do we do? Beyond hope to create change? We talk as we were doing so right now, and in doing that, we realize we're not alone. We're not alone. We're not the only ones. [00:18:00] Number three, even if only by thought our connection can create a powerful force for change.

And it's not just wishful thinking. When we come together, we actually create possibilities and it  just takes a few seconds guys. And just having a thought and having conversation in those few seconds, there's a transformation. There is light. There is. There's no waiting. It is here. We're creating change right now.

And that's what we're going to do today. We're going to keep going.

  So we were talking.  It goes back to the vaccine to the conversation from the shootings led us to talking about vaccines. It seems like everybody around us is getting the vaccines, everybody, but us and we're trying, but we can't.

So I'm like, wow, we're the only ones left out, like what is happening? And we're trying hard. We're  trying to do it. Right. And you talk to some people and they're like, yeah, I got [00:19:00] mine. Or you turn on the news. And then you hear about millions of people in this country who've gotten back vaccinated and are fully vaccinated.

I'm like, Oh, gee, good for you. No, I'm saying good for you. But at the same time, I'm like, I'm left out. Right. And so I called up one of our friends. I knew who had a vaccine,  it's Katie she's on our round table. My Katie, Katie, we love her. So she didn't just text me back. She called right away and she's like, okay, here's, here's what we did.

And I just want you to know there's so many of our crew from our crew, from, from the grocery store, you think these would be the first people to get it? the vaccine Yes. Certainly early. They're all still trying to get it right. Let me know without me saying, Hey, I feel left out here. I didn't say anything like that.

I just said it. What would you suggest we do? She's like, you're not the only one. We're all trying to get it. [00:20:00] And it's really a C R a P shoot. She said,  it's hard.  It's just hard. And a lot of people are still trying to get it right. And her just saying that it relieved all this pressure.

I didn't realize the amount of pressure I was feeling in not getting the vaccine. Right. It relieved it because I realized I am not the only one. One of our messages is we are not the only ones guys. You are not the only one feeling this you're not the only one feeling the frustration.

You're not the only one who is scared. You're not the only one. I promise you. We're all. It's a big circle of friends. We're not, you're not the only one. You're not the only one afraid you're going to lose your home. You're not the only one who's been without a home. We've been without a home.

Matt: [00:20:52] Do you know what I do every Sunday morning?

No, there is a site it's called post secret. And it's a place where you post [00:21:00] your secrets on little postcards and he posts every Sunday. He posts a new batch and sometimes somebody's secret is, um, I'm an atheist, but I'm starting to believe in God. Sometimes it's, I feel guilty for sometimes it's, I'm the person who, um, I'm a cashier and I'll ring you up differently, depending on who you are.

Some of these secrets are non politically, correct. Some are correct. And every once in a while, I read my secret on the site. Not that I've sent it in, but I read my secret on the site.

Fawn: [00:21:41] You mean it's something that you observed crying again? I can't talk. So you mean it's something you have in you that you've not expressed, but someone else is saying exact thing you're going through.

Matt: [00:21:54] Exactly. And it reminds me that I'm not alone. And it reminds me that, [00:22:00] you know, while everybody is really trying to live their best lives, you can't, you don't always, you can try, you can strive. But the world has a nasty habit of giving you both the yin and the yang, the good and the bad, the male and the female in equal portions in your life.

Sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down

Fawn: [00:22:22] and we don't and this culture, I think it's a cultural thing. We don't talk about any of this. And I wonder why. Is it seen as weakness? What is it? Is that we don't have time to even talk? Is it because there is no one around that's listening, we feel,

Matt: [00:22:38] or is it something that, um, you know, you're only it turned into a, well, it, it, it always was a thing where, you know, your family stands by you no matter what, what, what, and we've discovered that this isn't always necessarily helpful, healthy or true.

And then we don't have any other mechanisms. Is it because [00:23:00] when we unload on a friend, they distance themselves because it's uncomfortable,

Fawn: [00:23:05] they disappear.

Matt: [00:23:07] You know, it's, it's, it's a hard thing. It's a hard thing to hear when one of my friends is in pain, it sucks, frankly. And I can't imagine anybody would say it's good.

Um, and you know, I don't like feeling that way for me, but I love my friends.

Fawn: [00:23:25] For me. I feel like we've been through so much that when a friend does reach out, I have to practically threaten their lives to have them talk, which you know, I had to do recently. And at th with a fear of like, Oh my God, they'll never talk to me again.

Cause I'm like being mean now. Like you better talk to me right now. Right? You need to talk to me? No, I don't want you to know. I don't want you to see me like this. Right. And so I just wanted to say, because I've been through so much because I kind of feel like I [00:24:00] can hammer it out and it doesn't, it's not going to take eternity to clear it.

So you talk to me and let me hammer this out with you and let me take your hand and we're going to walk over here. Right? And different situation change in perspective, a curve, hopefulness is there, right almost instantaneously. Right. And I'm not, and I'm not a licensed psychotherapist. I'm not a psychiatrist.

I am a friend,

Fawn and Matt: [00:24:33] right? Well, I'm

Fawn: [00:24:35] not charging

Fawn and Matt: [00:24:35] you money,

Matt: [00:24:36] basically, what Katy did for you and something we talked about on the show is, Hey, I see you.

Fawn: [00:24:43] And you're not alone. Everybody else is going through the same thing you are.

Matt: [00:24:47] Right. And sometimes it's hard because you're so emotionally connected to, whatever awful things are happening that you have a hard time seeing around, over and beyond it.

Fawn: [00:24:59] And [00:25:00] what sucks is when you go through hard times, you feel left out, you feel like the world is against you. And there are some sucky people that will suddenly disappear out of your lives because they can't handle it or they're, they didn't love you like that. And then what, what, this is all speak from personal experience when that happened, when that was starting to happen. Um, we just cut everybody off because people, people really disappointed us. So we're like, The hell with everybody. We're just going to go our own way and just walk it by ourselves. And with this podcast, we've had friends from the past, reach out to us and go, why didn't you tell me

Matt: [00:25:52] that is true.

Fawn: [00:25:53] Not just one. We've had a few. I know. Why didn't you tell me? I feel hurt that you guys were going through [00:26:00] this and you didn't tell me. I had a house here for you. I had, I had, I would have helped you. I was, I w I would have totally helped you, but because of certain mean, people or like, what do you call it?

Okay. Because people were hurtful. We just discounted everything because we thought nothing else exists. Oh, well.

Matt: [00:26:27] That, yes. And then also the, the plan we cooked up was very, uh, distanced. You know, what I thought was the best plan and maybe it was, I have no idea, but our best plan when we initially went through what we went through was, you know, parachuting into this new brand spanking new place,

Fawn: [00:26:49] pull ourselves up by our bootstraps.

Maybe. Yeah. That's what it was. It's a cultural thing. Do it by yourself. You know, I always talk [00:27:00] about, excuse me, I always talk about Dr. Mario Martinez and he's the doctor that researched the Tibet monks. . And found out where the diabetes comes from and they're in their group. Right, right. And. He, when he talks about all the time is culture.

How culture affects your health, how culture affects your aging process. And it's all about belief, the belief system. So if you have a headache in the United States, you go and you get a pill, you take it orally. If you're in France, they give you a suppository. Do you know what I mean? Because they feel the headache is rooted in some other area.

 My background being Persian when you're feeling homesick or when you're feeling heartsick, it's not the heart. It's the gut. Your stomach hurts is, is the verbiage that they use. It's about the [00:28:00] guts, the stomach. Do you know what I mean? So different cultures use different parts of the body, right? And so different cultures see things differently and.

And in our culture, it's do it on your own. You're on your own kid. You're on your own kidage eighteen, you're on your own. Uh, pull yourself up with the bootstraps, figure it out. The government's not here to help you. We're not here to help you. You need to do it yourself, right? You to move over here, yourself, figure this out yourself.

And you know what? That's an outdated way of thinking. It's it's, uh, I hear your dad constantly bring up Darwin and every time and I've stopped talking because he doesn't hear me. He doesn't want to hear me. Right. But Darwin, that was a theory. And he himself said, it's just a theory. And everybody just ran with it.

 It is not survival of the fittest. If you look at nature where here it's a [00:29:00] cooperative nature,

Matt: [00:29:00] right? Right. Lions hunt in a pride hyenas hunt in a pack, wolves hunt in a pack,

Fawn: [00:29:06] but the mouse actually saves the lion. It's not just a fable.  We've talked about this before on our other podcasts. But once again, you know, the Willdabeast, right? The hippos help out the wildebeest. There are signs in nature all the time. Animals that help each other out that you would think were enemies. So let's rethink again. What is really happening here? We need to take care of one another.

You can't label someone crazy. They're going through hard times. And most likely, those hard times were created by our own culture. Making fun of someone, degrading them, their religion, their looks. Look at how women are treated for example, Okay. I'm trying not to take it to race because we always get into a fight, but like [00:30:00] the way women are talked about, and now I'm hearing our little girls talk like that and it doesn't come from me.

It comes from what they hear out there, what they're reading in their books. Okay. We can say, don't watch no more television for you, but they're reading it in their books. You know, we think, Oh, as long as they're reading, it's cool. But like the popular books that they read, those messages are in there.

I'm like, I don't remember what they were saying. They said something about, they said "ewe" to a body part. Now, ever since they were babies, I've made it very clear how beautiful and sacred, especially the woman's body is.   I made it so that we talked about every body part in a medical way and a loving way you have the  proper terminology for everything.

You're not calling it junk. You're not, you know, it's, it's like w how old was Elle? She was a year and a half old. And [00:31:00] she was like saying vulva. I have a vulva, you know, like we went in when I was pregnant with Alegra and she professed to, she like commanded to the OB GYN that we had, who was a guy who was a man, you know, saying you don't have a vulva, sir.

You know, I remember a year and a half old. All right. I forgot where I was going with this.

Matt: [00:31:27] Um, the beliefs, the body is sacred.

Fawn: [00:31:30] The body is sacred and they, something came up and we were just goofing around and they said, "EWE! Talking about a particular part of the woman's body. I'm like how in the world did this come about?

Let me tell you something right there. That's the patriarchy, I'm sorry. I'm so militant right now, but that comes from the books you were reading and guess what? It was written by a man [00:32:00] and they're making you believe there's something wrong with you. So we have to look at every tiny little, every itty bitty little thing in our culture and what we're picking up that we're not even conscious of.

And thank God they paused. Like you could tell when the kids pause for a second, even though they're giving you a dirty look, you can tell like, okay, I reached them, they got it. Right. So I let it go. But like, we have to catch ourselves with that kind of stuff. Catch ourselves with the things we're saying about what another's looks one another's lifestyles what we own or do not own, you know, forgive me. I don't own a Chanel purse. I don't, you know, we don't have a big house. We don't own property. We have a tiny little apartment we live in, but honestly, how much pressure do we feel because we are not landowners or we're not property owners [00:33:00] that we're at this age still renting a tiny apartment.

Right. There's shame in it. Absolutely. We are shamed in so many different ways. We're not even aware of, because we don't want to think about it. We're trying to focus on like the more positive stuff. Right. But it's very wearing it's, it's, it's exhausting and it's shame. It's creates shame and it creates pressure like, Oh my God.

And it creates nights of not sleeping because you, you tend to go down this line, like, Oh my God, What am I doing? Uh, um, you know, thinking about age and thinking about, Oh my God, how can I continue this constant working paycheck to paycheck? What if I can't work anymore? What am I going to do now? So anyway, that's when we come together and we realize we're not alone in that, that's what we can have a party.

You know, someone can bring a carrot, someone can bring an [00:34:00] onion, someone can bring a few cups of water and we could create a stew together. We can create a nourishing meal together, right. If all you have is a carrot stick. I mean, I shouldn't say it. That's all. Yeah. You have a carrot stick. Yay. You have an onion.

Oh, fantastic. Oh, you have water. You say, you know, it goes back to the whole story of stone soup. But if you look at that, If we come together, we can create something that we thought was impossible. We can create a society that is peaceful. We can create a society where we don't have to worry about going to the grocery store and getting killed,

Matt: [00:34:43] which would be nice.

Fawn: [00:34:44] You know, in other countries, we look at that. If we pretend we're not us, we're like, wow, that's a war torn country right there. Right?

Matt: [00:34:53] Yeah. No, absolutely. I mean, yeah, growing up Israel was constantly in a state of challenge. [00:35:00] Yeah.

Fawn: [00:35:01] You always heard about a bombing on this bus or bombs here and there. I would tell you, yeah, you go to the grocery store, there's a guy with a machine gun checking you out, making sure you're okay to go in that store that you're not armed with anything.

Right, right. But check us out.

Matt: [00:35:21] Well, we're not there yet, but we'll know,

Fawn: [00:35:23] but check us out. We have more violence and more destruction than countries we looked at going look at that. How sh how awful, right? Hello. So let's change, let's veer it over here. And the first thing on the list is talking about it.

Matt: [00:35:45] Well, yeah. Step one is always admitting you have a problem for sure. And yeah, that certainly is a big problem. And, you know, we do have a problem in that we aren't seen when we're in certain, I guess, states.

Fawn: [00:35:59] [00:36:00] It goes back to the separation. Oh, they, they have a problem. That person has a problem.

Right. That person is crazy. That person has a mental problem.

Matt: [00:36:09] Crazy. Cause I can just switch off now.

Fawn: [00:36:12] okay. So, okay. All right.

Matt: [00:36:19] So we've dug the hole.

Fawn: [00:36:21] We've dug the hole. I don't know how to get out of this. What do we do, folks? Come on. We can figure this out together. Any ideas?

Matt: [00:36:29] Well, I think that there is a certain, there's a number of different switches we need to flip as an entire society. Uh, I think one of the switches we need to flip this, this concept of scarcity that I can't have something because somebody else already has it, or because, or thinking that there's such a limited pool of resources that I have to somehow or another, get it from someone else. I have to steal it. I have to grab an opportunity away from someone. [00:37:00] So this whole kind of thought of scarcity. And I think we also need to stay very conscious of understanding exactly what is success. Success is not a $50 million home with 10 exotic cars and et cetera, et cetera, and children in Harvard, you know, I think that that's certainly a measure, but it's not the only measure of what success really looks like.

Fawn: [00:37:30] That's the conversation we were having yesterday. So it went from the shootings and our chain of thought led us to exactly what you just said that you always see is to strive, you need to have this big boat to, to strive and succeed, you need to have the Harvard education. You need to have this house, you need to do this.

You need to have that. And it's all about acquiring

Matt: [00:37:56] and you have to be the best

Fawn: [00:37:58] and what we forgot [00:38:00] throughout all of this really, the only reason we strive for money and the house. It really goes back to having shelter and means in which to have a quality life.  Guess what, the quality of life has completely been ignored.

You strive for these houses so you can be with the people that you love under the same roof. You strive for those things so you can have great conversations and you can have a love and you can be together and enjoy  being a hammock under the sun with a drink in your hand, waking up from the nap and going swimming with your friends as adults, as children, having a quality relationship, having that love.

That's not what we've been striving for anymore. It's been the house and   it feels like everybody else is a [00:39:00] multi multimillionaire person with the big house, with the big everything. Right. If just looking online and in any kind of business you're in, I don't know if you've noticed Matt, but I have, everyone is teaching a course.

Everyone has this massive course, and they're showing you, you too can make it. You too can have this. Look at all my Lamborghinis over here. Look at what I've done. Look, I live here and I'm wearing this fabulous dress and I get to go to this hotel and sip these beautiful drinks and do whatever I want.

And then you feel like, well, I have nothing if I don't have that. Right. And I better figure out a way I can get into that circle. Maybe pray that I learn something from these people. So I too can have that. And we're forgetting the whole reason why we even would even want to [00:40:00] strive for that. And why are we striving for that? Because it's all a selling mechanism. There they're pimping it. They're trying to hustle. They're hustling to get your money, right? So you could have this life, you could have this life right now. We are your friends. You can have a fulfilling, wonderful human relationship where we could look at the sky together.

Or are you gonna charge me for that too? Probably if you live in certain cities where it's so polluted, you can't even see it. So you have to go over here to see it. But maybe we could look at a squirrel together. I always go back to my squirrel. I can't help it. We have some not scary. We have some very suspicious and very funny squirrels around us.

You know, they know what's up and they are funny. Yes, they are crazy in a good way, [00:41:00] but sorry, I just labeled someone crazy.  The squirrels are interesting to look at and  if you look at them and don't look at them, like how people say, they're like rats with  tales, they are so funny and they're so resilient.

And they have that intention that you could see their thought process where they're trying to go from point a to point B. I was looking at one. Right here on our little tiny deck over here. And he was inches away from us. We were the whole family, we were  looking at this squirrel that was our patio door through our patio glass door.

And I could tell, like he was just going, he was trying to figure out how to get to the birdfeeder

Matt: [00:41:47] which is he'd have to take, he'd have to make a leap of faith. And he was unwilling to do that.

Fawn: [00:41:52] But I could see him constructing ways. Geometric shapes were shown in  the ether from his, from [00:42:00] his spirit.

I could see it. I'll be like, wow, man. I was just watching him going, Oh, I can see it, dude. Yeah, go for it. He was planning.

Matt: [00:42:09] I mean, he could, he could

certainly, no, he's figured it out. He figured it out yet. I think,

I think he wouldn't be able to get a good grip and he'd slipped.

Fawn: [00:42:17] No, he figured it out. I think what happened was he went somewhere we didn't see. He figured it out, but he said, okay, another day. Cause he had gone through so many loops and so many trials that he was probably tired.

Matt: [00:42:29] He's ,he's going to be, we're going to hear a third on our deck.

Fawn: [00:42:33] Yeah, probably

Matt: [00:42:33] fair enough.

Fawn: [00:42:36] What I'm trying to say is we don't need all that, what we need as each other, and what we have is each other.

We just need to realize that. And the whole gun issue now everybody's having guns and there are more guns than people in the United States. The thing is that I remember years ago when I was at the [00:43:00] therapist office, trying to get over the fiasco at the hospital, when Elle was born, you know, I was trying to get over, I was just trying to get to a point where I could explain to someone what happened to us without crying so hard I was not making any sense. Right, right. So I was in therapy and the whole issue of feeling safe was what I was trying to work out for myself. I couldn't even explain it to this therapist.

She wasn't really helping me that much. I had to just put myself in a situation where I had the hour to just figure it out myself and I was talking out loud and she was listening. So, which is what a friend should be there for. Why are we going to pay someone a fee? A friend is all you need. I'm not talking about in all cases, guys.

Yes, we need help. We definitely need therapists. We definitely need KJ for sure. There are certain things that they're privy to, [00:44:00] that we are not aware of because we're not in a situation where we're able to see something and they can point things out.

Right. Right. But one of the things was security. And at that point, I remember there was a very famous artist and he had been set to jail a few times for having firearm possession. So he was caught with, uh, with guns. Right. And, and so he was saying that he had them because he, that was his safety. He felt safer with the guts, right.

Until the guns were taken away from him. And he was incarcerated. All of that, which is, that's another issue right there. But when he came to the conclusion of, because of all the stuff that had happened in his life and things being taken away from him, he just came to the conclusion: I'm safe without the guns.

 It's a spiritual issue. It's a mental issue. That he actually [00:45:00] could get himself into a state where he felt safe without this. Right. So can we feel rich without the big mansion? Can I feel rich without the red flowy dress flowing in the wind with a mansion, the background  in front  of the ocean?

Can I feel wealthy without that? Right? Can I feel safe even though the world seems insane, unsafe, right? Can I somehow get to a safe feeling and why, yes, I can .Just call up anybody and start talking and I guarantee you that voice will make you feel safe. I hope I'm making you feel safe right now, letting you know, you are not alone.

I am right here with you. I'm feeling the same thing you are guaranteed. Just like how Matt had that website, where people reveal their secrets and many times you [00:46:00] find your own secret.

Matt: [00:46:01] Right. And you also, it's, it's a weird, you get to be a quote unquote voyeur, and, and understand some of the, it helps me empathize because a lot of people record real pain that I maybe don't understand. And in some cases I'm like, Oh, is that, is that it? And not to trivialize what they're going through, but being so having an understanding that something that feels so overwhelming from an emotional state for someone and someone else can look at it and go, wow. So this is the heaviness that you feel, maybe the heaviness that I feel isn't, that isn't as heavy isn't as overwhelming as I'm making it out to be in an attempt to get distance

from it for sure.

Fawn: [00:46:47] pain is pain Pain is pain, right? Like. When I'm in the kitchen and I cut my finger, I'm like, Oh man, that's the worst pain. Why did it have to be there? And then [00:47:00] another day I'll burn myself over here. I'm like, Oh man, that's the best, not the best. That is the worst pain. Why does it have to be there?

It would have been easier if it was over here. The thing is when you have pain, it hurts and there's no better place to have it. Pain is pain. And it's overwhelming. I remember, you know, I've talked about this before, but there was a therapist who was a Holocaust survivor. And so her, one of her clients was like, I can't talk to you because you've been through the Holocaust.

Right? So my pain is not your pain. And I feel bad talking about my pain in relation to your pain. And she said, pain is pain. It's just as strong and it's just as hurtful.

Matt: [00:47:45] And I, I don't say what I say and as a method of like diminishing someone else's pain for sure. But it's a way of understanding that, um, pain comes from all sides and all angles and all understandings and, it's [00:48:00] not about, Oh, wow,  my troubles are very, very small compared to yours because when I was eight years old, my troubles were the size of the universe. And now they still sometimes feel that way. For sure. And even though I can look back at my eight year old, it's like looking back at your eight year old self and going, wow, you had a really mellow time really

Fawn: [00:48:23] and yet not right.

Matt: [00:48:24] But it certainly didn't feel that way at the time for certainly

Fawn: [00:48:27] it does not. And which brings me to this other thing. We were watching the Billie Eilish documentary. What was it called? There was a Billy Eilish did a document. I don't know, is it called a documentary?

Matt: [00:48:40] I called it a documentary. It was on Apple and like it's murky feelings or something.

It was done. She's like 18, 19 at the end of it.

Fawn: [00:48:51] It's her family I think recording everything like footage while she was a lot of, it was for sure. It was just a home videos [00:49:00] and it was the backstory, like going through the life of Billie Eilish

Matt: [00:49:05] and not being familiar with Billie Eilish I just kind of thought it would be this very light hearted, very open, very much like, wow. Watch the arc of her success because it starts with her at 13 having her song on the radio.

Fawn: [00:49:21] So adorable. But no, here's the thing. Billie Eilish's songs like, so, the girls and I are big fans of Billie Eilish, big fans love.

You're a heavy metal guy who is very scornful of any other kind of music, it feels like I know you're not, but God forbid, we're like, woo. We're dancing to this song. You're like that. And he's

Matt: [00:49:42] falling in love with English folks. So please, cause I'm always like full judgmental

Hells. Yes, I am

Fawn: [00:49:49] just too much.

Okay. So it's the three of us over here where huge Billie Eilish fans and her music is very sad. It is because [00:50:00] she is  sad. .

Matt: [00:50:00] Yeah. And, and, and here we go. So I'll play devil's advocate. She's a multimillionaire. She's

a star.

Fawn: [00:50:06] Stop it. Stop it. But remember, remember what her mom said, remember what her dad said towards the end?

Matt: [00:50:12] My notes right here.

Fawn: [00:50:13] Okay. So. Her dad. So many things came out of this. I loved watching this because I, I felt and related to Billie Eilish myself, even though I'm not that age. I felt for and related to her parents, you know, I have felt forward related to her brother, like all of it. And the thing is that her mom was saying, you know, people think, Oh, she's a teenager.

It's basically fake depression. It's not! Her mom listed out all the things and I'm like, Oh my God, we could relate to every single one of those. So here's a kid in our case babies, right. That we're brought into. [00:51:00] As soon as they were born, all of a sudden our jobs were insecure. All of a sudden we went through this major recession.

We lost our house. We were homeless. Okay, I'm going to say it. We were homeless. True. We don't talk about it, but because we feel ashamed and this is the first time I'm saying it. We were without a home with babies.

Matt: [00:51:29] Wait. Yeah. Most did not most, but a ton of our possessions  in our car. Absolutely.

Fawn: [00:51:36] So it looking at us, you would probably never think that

what I'm trying to say is these kids are brought in to that. They're brought it to a world. Like, just look at the state of the environment, look at the social state of affairs around the world, the loneliness epidemic, which is why [00:52:00] we're talking with you here today. Really look at the environmental issues. Look at all this stuff they have to see. Right and deal with how can you not be sad or depressed? How, you know, you're told, you know, don't be so negative. Well, you are definitely a good example of how we need to have ceremony feel things like you mourned graduating fifth or sixth grade. Right?

Matt: [00:52:27] Right. And my graduation from high school cakes at rip, I'm not kidding.

Fawn: [00:52:34] I'm saying that we don't have rituals that are balanced. We may have the parties that go woo. But when we're sad, that gets shut away much like we shut away the old people put them into nursing homes, much like how babies are born, we immediately put them in daycare. We're not together folks, but it's bring it together.

We're all going through stuff and you can't ignore [00:53:00] it. And as soon as you realize it and you know, going back many episodes ago, I was talking to you about the 90 second rule,

Matt: [00:53:08] right? How you have to feel something completely for 90 seconds. Yeah.

Fawn: [00:53:14] This is proven. This is like a medical scientific thing that if you allow your body to process a grief, uh, an emotion, it takes 90 seconds to, for it to pass through your body through like in and out.

But we don't allow ourselves that 90 seconds to really feel something that is hard.

Matt: [00:53:41] Cause it's uncomfortable because I don't want to feel that way even for a second.

Fawn: [00:53:45] Yeah. It's horrifying. And it feels very lonely. We're here to remind you that we are not alone in this we're in it together. So let's, let's end it with, you know, it's, it's so hard to say this [00:54:00] person said this because as we find out more about people, we realize, Oh my God, was this person racist?

Was this person, this and that, but the quote is good. And the leadership was good in some ways.  Winston Churchill: "If you find yourself going through hell, keep going". And I think that's where we should close it off today. Okay. What do you think? Is there anything else you wanted to add?

Matt: [00:54:29] Remember that pain loss longing that you go through has a beginning, a middle and an end, and you should respect all three, especially, hopefully the end, if it's something bad.

Fawn: [00:54:43] And we're still here together. We may have lost people. We may have lost so much, but you're still not alone on the planet. And you're S you're not alone anyway, if you  get into the spiritual aspects of it, [00:55:00] right? There's so much that we've been  trained, not to see that are actually there.

So keep hopeful. I am creating change. And  I invoke right now, I invoke a world of happiness and joy and safety and understanding,

Matt: [00:55:22] and I go forth with an expectation that good is coming

Fawn: [00:55:27] good. Is here. We love you. Uh, that's it we'll talk to you in a few days, we're having more and more episodes.

We thought we would just be a one once a week thing, but we have a round table. We have a inundation, a couple series. We're doing a series with martial artists on conflict resolution. We're doing a series on technology and how it's changing human beings [00:56:00] and how we can thrive with it. So, if you want to be on the cutting edge of things, if you there's something happening right now, that's equivalent on par with when we first had the internet and we had the big boom of the internet with the.com.

There's something happening right now. And we have a professor, a PhD, along with Matt to explain all that. And so we are going to learn how we can jump on that wave and be successful guys financially. Technology-wise uh, so stay tuned. We're here for you. Please go to our websites and let's help each other out our friendly world.com.

Or you could go to our friendly world podcast.com. We're on Instagram too: be friendly world. We'll talk to you in a few days. Thank you for listening. See you later. [00:57:00]