Mental Fitness for a New World

Mental Fitness MATT: [00:00:00] Hi, hello, everybody. How you doing? So there I was practicing Google Fu this morning, which means typing things into Google and seeing what pops out. And Oh my goodness. I ran down rabbit hole. Fawn: Google food. MATT: It's called Google FU. Yes. Fawn: Like Kung Fu, like Kung Fu. MATT: Yes. So I decided we've done a number of shows on visualization, right? Envision the outcome you want to stay focused on it and you can avoid falling into the ditches. But I was like But what about negative virtualization? No, visualization. Fawn: You, you, you purposely sought, you sought after negative visualization? MATT: Yes. Why? Because I have this nasty habit of doing negative visualization. I see all possible outcomes. Just so I'm prepared for all outcomes, [00:01:00] but often times I spend time, and this I think is the key, dwelling on negative outcomes. Are Fawn: you Persian? Ha! I think that's what I've done all my life. MATT: I think that's what people tend to do, right? Fawn: I didn't even think that I, until you just voiced it, I never thought I did that. MATT: Right. E. E! E! So anyways, this actually even has a Bastardized Latin translation for negative virtualization. It's pretty tight. What? Futurorum, mal, mal meaning evil, malorum, pre meditatio, almost like premeditated negative futures is what it kind of translates into, right? That makes Fawn: sense. MATT: And it turns out those dang Greeks, Fawn: Why do you say it like that? They MATT: invented this. Yeah. Fawn: What do you mean, they invented it? They studied it, maybe, huh? Not MATT: unlike, uh, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, where they seem to have invented Facebook and everything [00:02:00] else. They invented negative visualization. In the fourth century. B, c, E. Fawn: What's BCE again? MATT: See, we got all politically correct. Fawn: Nevermind. Okay, just go ahead. MATT: But anyways, it's, it's before the common era is what it stands for Fawn: now. That's what it stands for. So it's, MATT: it's, it's, what are we, 2020, whatever, and then mine minus that minus four. That's how many years ago. Fawn: Minus that minus four? Never mind, never mind. It's another subject. No, it's okay. I'm sorry. I won't ask questions. MATT: So, there was a bunch of guys running around. They called themselves Stoic. This is the Greeks, right? Yes. The Stoic was a whole, like, Philosophical bent, and nowadays we say somebody is stoic if they like, never show their emotions. Stiff upper lip. And they're even keeled and stiff upper lip and doesn't matter what happens, it won't [00:03:00] affect them. Fawn: Right, MATT: so these were Fawn: stoics. MATT: So that, that's what, that's what Stoicism is turned into, but Stoicism didn't start there. But, basically, if you are properly Stoic, yes, you tend to act that way. So what were these Stoics like? Man, they crazy. Fawn: What? MATT: So, they believed in four virtues. Yawn, yawn, yawn. Wisdom. No, hold on. Are you Fawn: going to go through the four virtues? Wisdom, MATT: courage, moderation, and justice. Great. Sounds good. One of their chief ways of looking at things was doing negative visualizations. What? So they would physically, they would spend time every day thinking over everything that can be turned upside down in their lives. What? Well, this flies in the face of everything we've been thinking about, and Fawn: What you focus on grows. What MATT: you focus on grows, exactly. How many times have we said that? Fawn: Well, yeah. [00:04:00] MATT: However, the mind has a nasty habit of focusing on negativity, negative things. Fawn: Why does it do that? To keep you out of danger, but MATT: It's an interesting thought. But Fawn: why? Why even do that? Why not focus on the good instead? Right. Why does the mind do that? MATT: And, and why is it, like, when something good happens, we're like, cool, something good happened. If something bad happens, we dwell. We think about it over and over and over and over again. Fawn: Maybe that's what we're here for, is to, maybe we're like super athletes that are down here. Down here. That are here. That, maybe we choose, you know, there's a thought that, You choose these hard lives. You choose hardship to evolve as a soul. So, maybe that's why. Maybe you're like, yeah, this feat, this, this thing I'm doing, this thing that I did, or [00:05:00] maybe you're relishing in it on a soul level in a way, maybe? Maybe. I don't know. You know, I used to know, I felt like, but now I'm like, what is happening? I don't know. Why do you think? Well, that MATT: is part of, that's actually one of the gates of wisdom is figuring out, is actually figuring out that you really don't know anything, which is a fun kind of Zen moment. In people's lives when they realize that everything they thought they knew they don't necessarily really know. Fawn: Well, maybe we should just live our lives and take vacations. MATT: And there you go. Spoken as a true hedonist. Well done. Fawn: But we'd never take a vacation, honey. Can we take a vacation? Like, figure it out? All we do is move. MATT: What are you talking about? We've had a nice long, like, four whole days. You had Fawn: two days off plus a weekend we normally get. You guys did, I'm always doing something. I know. I'm sorry, I'm complaining. Um, Yeah, maybe we should just, [00:06:00] I don't know, go ahead. MATT: Anyways, the Stoics also gave us that wonderful, virtuous Carpe Diem, which is Seize the Day. And its parallel, which is Memento Mori, which I've actually seen written in a cemetery. Remember you must die. Welcome to negative virtualization, right? Woohoo! So, wow. This is quite the hole I've managed to dig myself in. Fawn: What's wrong with you today? Why? What is this? MATT: Well, there's a couple things going on here. Number one is Are you okay? I'm fine. Okay. Okay. Uh, it's actually interesting because when you start really taking a look at, uh, Uh, establishing a practice of negative virtualiz uh, I keep saying virtualization, that's a computer term. Visualization. [00:07:00] It's, it's not about never dwelling on the negative. Wow, there's a lot of nots in that sentence. It's about choosing the time to dwell on the negative. Fawn: What time is a good time to, to focus on the negative? MATT: Well, Seneca. Who was a stoic way back when said, Uh, first thing in the morning or late at night. Fawn: First thing in the morning? Early morning. Concentrate on the negative? Or late MATT: at night. But then you stop. Fawn: So, first thing in the morning, you're like, negative. MATT: Yeah, there's, yay, let's go day. Now let's contemplate my own death. Fawn: What? MATT: Crazy, right? Fawn: Okay, go ahead. But the MATT: trick is, is it ends after a period of time you stop. Fawn: Maybe it's just getting it out of the way. Maybe your mind naturally does that, so you're allowing it to do that. Maybe. Maybe you're treating it as a [00:08:00] guest, like, here you go, have some food. MATT: Right. Fawn: Now, there you go, maybe you're satiated, not satiated, what's the word, when you're satisfied. Yeah, satiated. Yeah. Are you satiating that negative tendency, tend, tendency, tendency, tendency? And that is an interesting thought. Is that the word? MATT: What they, what actually the Stoics really want you to walk away with is a sense of gratitude that all of these terrible negative things that you're visualizing haven't happened. Yeah. Fawn: It kind of makes sense because over the, since, all the terrible stuff happened and all, you know, and I shouldn't say, well, I have trouble speaking in the last few months. Have you all noticed? I apologize. I feel like I've taken our show downhill. What I was going to say is, I'm going to stop saying the terrible things that happened to us a few years ago. Uh huh. Because it didn't turn terrible, like, yes, terrible things happen, but we, they, [00:09:00] we had miracles happen after that, meaning you're alive, Matt. Right. But it's still, I always think, I always, like I can't stop thinking about all the stuff that happens. MATT: And that's the key, is you stop at a certain time. So you give. But Fawn: every day I think about it. I know. And I get really scared. And then I think, thank goodness that. We're not in a hospital. MATT: Right. And there you go. There's your gratitude. Thank Fawn: goodness that, um, I can just be in our home and not be forced to, to be somewhere else. MATT: Mm-Hmm. . Fawn: And I don't know if that's a, that's a healthy way to live. Oh, that is interesting. I don't know. Is it, is that what the stoics were saying? MATT: Well, the stoics, if you ask them, is the glass half full or half empty? Which is the common kind of, are you an optimist or a pessimist? The Stoic would say, I'm just glad there's a glass at all. They talk about it as almost [00:10:00] being a casual indifference to Fawn: things. Good for them. I can't do that. MATT: And they talk about how it desensitizes yourself to the negative. And it helps with your psychological fitness, which, hmm, sounds an awful lot like, uh, God, what was that term everybody kept talking about? Not fortitude, but resilience. Resilience? It helps with resilience. Fawn: Okay. What did you just say? What was that term? Psychological MATT: Fitness. Fawn: Oh! Guaranteed, Matt, that's gonna be the new term. Like self care. Psychological fitness. Did you make that up? MATT: No. Fawn: Did the Stoics make it up? MATT: I don't know the Stoics probably Stoics made up a whole lot of stuff I like that. I seem to be psychological Fawn: fit. I MATT: seem to be agreeing with an awful lot of Fawn: you know I've never really heard that word until just now and it makes me think [00:11:00] like ever since I was a kid I've had these horrible thoughts like mm MATT: hmm, Fawn: you know, like hardships mental like Like grief, you know, and I always think oh man if this other person had my mind You They wouldn't, they wouldn't survive. Like, I'm more fit, I feel like, mentally, because I'm able to handle, all these, I don't know what you call them, some would say gifts, you know, like being intuitive, or picking up on other people, being at a grocery store and feeling someone else in the next aisle, I think if most people felt what I'm feeling, they would go crazy. So, I always feel like, I, I'm, I perhaps have more of an athletic kind of, system that's stronger to handle whatever. I totally get it. So psychological fitness. Psychological fitness. I'm sorry, I'm tripping on that. MATT: Now, it's interesting. So, okay, great. So, hmm. [00:12:00] So what does this mean on a day to day basis? A modern day Stoic. Because unfortunately, Stoic writing's got all fragmented and weirded and a million things and nobody knows what the actual, actual meaning is. routine and practice of it is, but the modern day Stoic would say you're not going to dwell every day on death and destruction and terror. Every day you're going to focus on some kind of daily inconvenience. Like the daily inconvenience is like, Oh my God, my favorite coffee place is closed. They're remodeling and how that would affect you. So it's like, well, if that place was closed, I guess I wouldn't have coffee or. Maybe I'd drive, you know, an extra ten minutes down the street and I would go to a different coffee place. Fawn: Why do you think these modern people are making it that way? Why are they messing with it? Hold on, I'm not done yet. Okay. MATT: Okay? Then, a couple of [00:13:00] times a week, you meditate on loss. And then, maybe once a week, maybe far, far less frequently, you actually meditate on a major setback. Fawn: Does that mean that you really focus on a major setback or you acknowledge that the setback happened? MATT: No, it's not past tense. This is all future. Fawn: It's all future? Yes. Okay. Oh my gosh. It's MATT: all the things that might happen, which, wow, your brain starts to spiderweb all over the place at that point, doesn't it? Fawn: Well, I don't know. But that's why you MATT: start with tiny, you start with the little daily inconvenience, and you go through a couple of those. Fawn: can we equate it to driving? So let's say we're driving on a road. Let's say we're on a road, , going up a mountain or going down a mountain, one side has a cliff you can fall down on, into. [00:14:00] So you think, you always, I mean, do other people think this way? But I'm driving and I see the car maybe, like, flipping over and flying off the road and crashing down into the crevice. Yeah. Right? So that keeps me on the road. That keeps me more focused on, like, I better keep us safe. So is that, is that maybe the reason to think about the negative? To visualize it? So you don't go that way, do you think? MATT: I think it's, again, it's to Build your psychological fitness, desensitize you on some level to the, the things that occur in the course of a day, and to fill you with a sense of gratitude when these things do not happen, or have not happened. Fawn: Okay. MATT: You know, like, you know, if you're envisioning, Oh, my [00:15:00] favorite coffee place is closed and I can't get coffee. And you do get coffee, you're eminently grateful that you could. Because this is the problem in a consumer society, is that, um, You know, oh, we lust after something, which they talk about too as being future desire, as being not necessarily a bad thing, but I lust after, you know, a shopping trip or I lust after a, you know, an album or I lust after a new show about to start. Right. Fawn: The perfect house, the nice car. MATT: Exactly. Everything we do right. Um, but then once we have it, do we appreciate it for a bit. But, they would have you bring that practice into daily life and appreciate all things that you have, always. And eventually, your lust turns into those things you already have. Which is fascinating. [00:16:00] Fawn: Explain that, so your lust becomes the things that you already have. Yeah, MATT: you, you want the things that you have. Fawn: Got it. Yeah, I can see that. MATT: So it's, it's fascinating. Now, of course, this isn't. Conflict with, something else called defensive pessimism, which is another very interesting and very good, um, process. And that is the process of basically dwelling on everything that could possibly go wrong in a given event and then figuring out exactly what you're going to do to prevent it, which sounds exactly like what the Stoic would do. But the Stoic would do it on maybe bigger things or way more out there. But come to think of it, it does sound far too similar, which makes it a good thing. So, yeah, never mind. I could adapt defensive pessimism right on in. Because, , if I'm meditating on some kind of a loss and I'm thinking about, [00:17:00] I have to give a speech tomorrow, then all of a sudden it's like, well, what am I going to do if the PA system doesn't work? What am I going to do if the lights go out? What am I going to do if I forget everything? Well, okay, if I forget everything, I'm going to have big giant note cards that give me enough hints at what I need to say, or I'm going to rehearse it 10 million times or, or, or, or, or. And you start. Planning your way out of this hole, basically. Fawn: Is that, for example, is that the same as this? Um, right after high school, I had a friend who went to another country that's famous for kidnappings. MATT: Oh dear. Fawn: And so she, she one night thought to herself, What would I do while I'm sleeping if an intruder comes in? What would I do? So she said to herself, I'll probably play like I'm still asleep. So they can take whatever they want and leave. Right? And that night, that same thing happened. MATT: Whoa. Fawn: Except the, the thief was like, [00:18:00] forcing her to wake up and show her where the stuff was. MATT: Oh dear. Fawn: But like, but in a way she was preparing herself for it. So you're not in shock. Right. Like you're, it's like a, uh, you're, you're, I don't know. Is it the same as an athlete going through the motions before they happen? Mm mm. Like, I'm gonna turn left here, I'm gonna, like you visualize yourself skiing down the mountain and seeing the obstacles and like this, I'm going to turn this way, that way, that way. But then you're seeing, hitting yourself, seeing yourself hitting. I think MATT: the other key thing is that with negative virtualization is at some point it stops and you tell your brain to stop. Fawn: And it stops? MATT: And it stops. Fawn: Because it. MATT: The Stoics would have you believe it stops. And that's probably the most attractive part about it. Fawn: I don't know, do you think we can do that these days? It just feels like more and more people. Or maybe I'll speak for myself, I can't get it to stop because once I start, once I start a [00:19:00] vision that's negative, that's scary, I just, it's on a loop. Well, didn't you talk MATT: about how it's important to live inside of a negative feeling for some numbers 90 seconds. For 90 seconds. 90 seconds. And let it pass through you? Mm hmm. Fawn: Right. MATT: How would the Stoics feel about that? Fawn: I don't know. How would they Matt? I don't know, MATT: but I'll tell you when I was a teenager and later I used to perform an exercise where I would take and I would say, okay I'm gonna think about this thing for 30 seconds and then I'm gonna stop and it was always something negative And I would think about it for 30 seconds and I would stop and that would be that Fawn: Okay, MATT: so I think I need to practice because it's been a while since I've been able to do that But I think I need to Fawn: Can you choose, would the Stoic say, can you choose when you're done thinking about it? Like, yeah, I see this boulder that's gonna crash on my head. I choose to not, I choose to live a life where my head is safe. Can I do [00:20:00] that? Like, can I, can I, after, after the visualization, after the negative visualization, can we say, I, but I choose this. MATT: Well, I would say that all the original Stoics are dead so you can do whatever you want. Fawn: No, I'm just saying, what do you think they would say? And, you know, in this case, I'd I would think they would say, MATT: live in gratitude that the boulder never crashed. Fawn: Which is the same as, I choose But then, isn't that also bringing it in? That it never crashed. On a spirit level, you're still focusing on a crash. Right? MATT: Stoics would say no. Because you're not focusing anymore. Boulder. That's the trick, you stop focusing. There's no Fawn: charge on it anymore. MATT: Exactly, that's the point. Fawn: So you're taking the charge away. So in a way it's like you're shuffling, shuffling, shuffling your feet on, uh, uh, carpet. On the carpet. And then, ding. So now you're, the charge is [00:21:00] gone, hopefully. Right. Until you start walking again. Right? Can you just get rubber boots? Would that help? MATT: Oh my goodness. I'm not sure you'd make a good stoic, babe. I don't like this. Fawn: No, I'm not stoic. What about me is stoic at all? This is horrible. I'm more confused than ever. Thanks, honey. MATT: So if anybody can help straighten my wife out, please. Fawn: What do you mean? What is that supposed to mean? As far MATT: as, like, explaining it better than I can. Cause I've done, I've done about as good of a job as I think I can. Fawn: You just sounded very 1940s or 50s. Whenever it was that the men took the flies and put them into the insane asylums. For just having a period or something. Is that what's happening? No, I'm MATT: sorry, babe. Watch yourself. I'm sorry, babe. Yeah, you Fawn: better be sorry. MATT: Okay. Fawn: God. Anyway, Matt's crying. Uh, I don't know. [00:22:00] Stop. He's showing me his tears, like, with his finger. Stop! MATT: Our youngest does that. Fawn: Yeah. You know how they do, um, maybe we should do a video, but like, they take their index finger and they run it down from their eye to their cheek, meaning, I'm crying. Yes. Alright, um, Great. What a happy Yay! Happy MATT: Stop. Feel gratitude for all the good stuff. And want what you have. Fawn: What if you don't like what you have? MATT: Then why do you have it? If it doesn't bring you joy, right? You didn't ask right. That's what What's Her Face would say. You know, only keep the things that give you joy. The rearranged lady. Fawn: Maybe because you didn't choose. Maybe you are sleepwalking and you're kind of going [00:23:00] through life living in betrayal of yourself and not following your heart, your dreams. You know, maybe you're just settling. Well, I guess maybe. Maybe the stuff is no longer serving you and you shouldn't have it anymore. There you go. You can focus on what you do want. When bad things happen, you're When you lose a job, focus on what you do want, rather than focusing on the loss. Well, MATT: see, and again I would say, taking um, I'm not in the mood to take that particular example, but we lose internet once in a while here. Often enough to be annoying. And I remember going through the thought exercise of, And that's what I called it. I didn't call it negative virtualization. I just called it visualization. I just said, um, the thought exercise of what would I do if I lost internet? And the answer I came to was, as quickly as possible, make my way to the public library. Because they always seem to have internet. Fawn: Right. MATT: Or a coffee shop. But now I'm thinking I want to [00:24:00] try going to our bank, which offers free Wi Fi and stuff. Fawn: Yeah, but what if a robber comes in? Right. Then you're stuck in that. Then I am stuck in that. No, thank you. MATT: Ah, anyways. Fawn: A coffee shop would be better. So, MATT: again, thought exercise. Fawn: Push your seats. Ah, okay. I feel like I've exercised enough every day, all day, every day. And that's it. I need a break. MATT: You exercise for a fixed period of time. Fawn: Yeah, tell my mind that. MATT: Okay. Mind, I tell you. Fawn: Alright. Well, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know, Matt. I don't even wanna, I don't know. Okay. I mean, I understand the 90 second rule. Mm hmm. For sure, I get that. I don't know. So, MATT: this isn't that different. Fawn: It doesn't vibe with me. Mm hmm. But maybe it will later, I don't MATT: know. We have to find Persian philosophers. Fawn: I, I, I must say [00:25:00] that to focus on the negative, uh, doesn't put you in a state of shock if something does happen. Mm hmm. So you're more, you're more able to take care of things and like move on and not be devastated? MATT: Very stoic of you. Fawn: So I often think of your death? MATT: Oh. Oh dear. Fawn: No, just because it already, um, you know, almost happened, so. But I'm in it every day. I can't stop thinking about it. MATT: Okay. Fawn: And I wish I could just live happily and I don't think this causes people to live happily you're disagreeing with me But I have MATT: all the same old arguments. I just have to trot them out again. So Fawn: Yeah, no, I know I those same arguments came through my head as I just said what I said So you're giving it some time and then it stops. Yes. It's like a child that's fed It's not [00:26:00] whining at you anymore or you know, you give it attention you give something attention that's been craving attention So you're like, all right, here you go. I hear you much like friendship, you know The worst thing is to ignore each other right and not acknowledge You Each other's existence, right? MATT: Right. And to not acknowledge maybe the stuff they're going through and not sharing the stuff that you're going through. Fawn: Okay, alright. Okay. We'll see. So, is this how you live, Matt? MATT: I, I have more in common with the Stoics than I realized. They like the onion, too. Fawn: What do you mean? MATT: As far as I talk about, um, Like, my personal philosophy, which now seems to be being co opted 2, 000 years ago, but like, you know, at the raw core, center, center is just me. Like, I am, basically. And then there's layers out to the things I care about, like my family, [00:27:00] and the Stoics believe the same thing. Fawn: Okay. Um, the onion thing? It's still an onion. The outer core is the onion. The outer is the same as the inner. MATT: Ex Wow, that's a very zen way of putting it. But, this is actually differentiating between. And, you know, there's a place that only I can go. But anyways, beside the point. Fawn: Another talk. Okay. Alright. Okay. Alright. MATT: Okay. Fawn: Well, once again, if you all need to talk to us. Which, at this point, I don't know why you want to talk to me. I feel so negative right now. Um, but we're here for you. We're here for you anytime. Please reach out to us. We'll talk to you in just a few days. If you need us before then, you know where we are. Alright, be well. Have a beautiful everyday. MATT: Have fun. Be well.