You Were Right and I Was Wrong

You Were Right and I Was Wrong [00:00:00] MATT: Is it wrong that I laugh at myself during soundcheck? [00:00:04] Fawn: No, it's really good. I mean after. I think that's what it's there for. That's what our whole podcast is for. It's, [00:00:11] MATT: it's helped our marriage. It, it's, it's almost a little sad when I'm sitting there going, Oh my God, what am I going to say next? While I'm, when I'm listening to like a real pod, a quote unquote real podcast. [00:00:22] What do you mean? No quote unquote. But like when I, when I listen to the podcast, I'm like, Oh my God, what am I going to say next? [00:00:30] Fawn: Oh, you listen to our podcast? Sometimes. Yay. [00:00:33] MATT: Yes. But weird. Cause I'm like, Oh, that was very insightful. Well said, Matt. [00:00:39] Fawn: Me. I'm like, Oh, I didn't listen again. I wasn't listening to you. [00:00:45] Sorry. So. You were right again. Why is it you're right? Why is it that the times where I'm like, my guards go up, and I'm like, hey, I'm noticing signs. You're like, [00:01:00] no, no, that's not right. And then when I don't see the signs, and you're like, hey, hey, flashing red light here, freight train here. I'm like, no, no, no, you don't know, no. [00:01:12] Why is it I'm always wrong and you're right when it comes to Not judging people, but you know what I mean. When it comes to evaluating what's going on with, with people around us. [00:01:22] MATT: Because you are emotionally connected to the situation. [00:01:28] Fawn: Always. [00:01:28] MATT: I am emotionally connected to you, but I take pains to not be emotionally connected to the situation. [00:01:36] There is a huge difference. [00:01:38] So if I wasn't emotionally connected, I'd be able to see truth better? You [00:01:44] It's the classic logic versus emotion, right? Yes, you can see that logic, you can see the logical truths easier. [00:01:53] Fawn: Well, you were right about V, our, one of our best friends. Remember last week, you guys, I was like, it's [00:02:00] over. [00:02:02] I was wrong. She sensed something and she reached out to me. And she didn't know what was going on, but she scensed something, even though I didn't say anything, right? [00:02:15] MATT: Yes, [00:02:16] Fawn: and then I said, oh my god. Thank God. I thought you were thinking this and then she Totally was like what? And sent me this long message Saying how it was not the case. [00:02:32] So It was all my imaginings and it was I blame it on that person that yelled at me at Whole Foods, Right ever since that so called friend Did that i've been? totally, um Friend shy like I feel like the world is out to get me I feel like What what is it how do you describe What it is. I just feel insecure about things. [00:02:59] I [00:03:00] feel like yeah, I feel like Everything is wrong. Like, all the friendships are wrong. That I'm not seeing the signs, so I better notice every single sign. Take care of every little pebble. But I was wrong about V. And I'm so glad. I feel like, like a huge weight. I feel like my heart is liberated. [00:03:22] Because I love her so much. We love her so much. The whole family. I'm so glad I was wrong, but you were right. And then I texted her. I'm like, uh, Matt said, this is not how you [00:03:36] MATT: work. And I told our youngest, we're going to let this settle and then we're going to intervene. [00:03:43] Fawn: You were going, you were going to intervene. [00:03:45] Yes, I was. Oh, see the fact that you are so solid with your conviction, with your, feeling about our friend when I was confused, you know? And I was like, [00:04:00] I'm just, for the first time in my life, I wanna just, bow out, cause I see. So, oh well. I just went down a terrible route, you know? [00:04:10] Right. I destroyed, in my own heart, a friendship that was not to be destroyed. And I was, I wasn't reading it properly. [00:04:20] MATT: And also you were willing to destroy it after one conversation. [00:04:24] Fawn: But that's just it. How many other things come to the one conversation? Like you were right about that, that one who yelled at me at the store. [00:04:34] You were right about her all along. It was [00:04:36] MATT: a different relationship. [00:04:38] Fawn: I know, but every relationship is different. Every relationship is different. [00:04:42] MATT: You are absolutely right. And there are, for some, benefit of the doubt, and there are for others, less so. And that's what it is. And you have to feel your way through. [00:04:57] And, and, [00:05:00] Oh my goodness. You don't really know a person until you see them in adversity. And that's what it is. [00:05:12] Fawn: Can you explain what do you mean? So you mean the one who yelled at me at Whole Foods, I saw her during adversity and there it is? Yes. What do you mean? Can you explain what you mean? [00:05:23] MATT: Oh my goodness. [00:05:24] Fawn: Like in relation to these two examples, like with V and the one who yelled at me at Whole Foods. [00:05:31] MATT: Okay, so we have known V. For quite some time. Yes. And, and we have, we have spoken with them. We have, you've had long conversations, soulful conversations. [00:05:48] Fawn: Majorly soulful. [00:05:49] MATT: Opening yourself and their opening too. [00:05:52] It's what I used to tell people who were dating people. I was like, okay, you have your rules. They have their rules. Are you breaking your rules? Well, yes, I am. Are they [00:06:00] breaking their rules? If they're not there's a problem because they're not meeting you somewhere in the middle and if people aren't sharing if people aren't Expressing if people are still protecting You're still acquaintances And that was what would happen with whole foods still acquaintances You weren't your friends you went house met Parents doesn't matter still acquaintances. [00:06:25] Fawn: I still don't know i'm afraid to Miss it like How was that an acquaintance, even though I thought we shared stuff, but you know what, you're right. She really didn't [00:06:38] MATT: Protect, protect, protect. [00:06:40] Fawn: Yeah, she didn't totally open up about anything. And [00:06:42] MATT: they, they're, they don't even, they dismiss what you say out of hand. [00:06:49] Fawn: Yeah. [00:06:50] MATT: And even if they say, Oh, well that is very interesting, I'm still dismissing you. [00:06:55] Right. [00:06:55] That's an interesting theory you have! [00:06:57] Fawn: How did you see that though? Because you didn't really [00:07:00] hang out with us. But how did you see all of that? [00:07:02] MATT: Pay attention even to trifles. Pay attention, pay attention. People tell you, people show you who they are. [00:07:10] Fawn: I'm not a samurai like you are. So you, you spent a fraction, a tiny fraction of the time with the one who yelled at me. [00:07:19] MATT: Mm hmm. [00:07:21] Fawn: Yet you were able to see all of that. Yes. I don't understand how you did that. [00:07:25] MATT: First of all, terrible taste in music. [00:07:28] Fawn: Ouch, honey. [00:07:29] MATT: No, they have terrible taste in music. [00:07:32] Fawn: So that's the reason? [00:07:33] And they [00:07:33] MATT: didn't know the best song by the one particular artist that they were quoting. They had no idea. [00:07:40] Fawn: But you were talking about their husband, though. [00:07:42] MATT: And more Couples come as a set. [00:07:47] Fawn: Wow [00:07:48] MATT: and couples grow together couples get reinforced in their behaviors. If you want to talk genetics We can talk You know the dominant traits if there's two if i'm sorry if there's two [00:08:00] recessive traits in a couple Then then it'll become dominant it'll Grow, it'll be empowered Wow, so Yeah, I mean you really need to look at the whole package too, though. [00:08:15] Fawn: You're right I can see that now. [00:08:17] MATT: Okay. Now the fact is, is I said, and this was the only conversation I ever had to have with them. Okay. There was an LA band nobody's ever heard of. And I was like, Oh my God. Yeah. They had that one song that was really great. And I couldn't tell you anything else that they did. [00:08:33] And I started like humming it and they're like, no, They literally told me no. This is the one who yelled at us, at me, at Whole Foods. So, weren't even willing to accept the reality that this song might exist. [00:08:50] Fawn: So closed minded. Wow. Very set in their ways. [00:08:55] Right? Right. [00:08:56] Yeah. Yeah. [00:08:58] MATT: Right? [00:09:00] [00:09:00] Fawn: Yeah, but normally if that, when I'm confronted with something like that, I'm like, oh, it's superficial. [00:09:05] It's just music. I'm not going to use that against them. I'm not going to hold that. [00:09:09] MATT: I'm not saying that they needed to agree with me that it was their best song. It was, but that's entirely beside the point. But the fact that they weren't willing to accept the fact that the song might exist and this is an empirical truth [00:09:24] Fawn: Wow, [00:09:25] MATT: this isn't a play thing. [00:09:27] This is like it's like I tell people like my acquaintanceship with people when we're Getting more into friendship and like they throw out a fact. I'm like, i'm not sure that's true And then I say but truth is truth. So i'm gonna find out Truth is truth and oh They were so wrong and that's all I needed to see because they weren't willing to accept a reality where maybe I was right Boom [00:09:58] Fawn: Wow, [00:09:59] MATT: but [00:10:00] anyways [00:10:01] Fawn: Yeah, you're right You're right because like and then V on the other hand [00:10:08] MATT: Takes us seriously in all things [00:10:11] Fawn: Absolutely Yes, and you can feel it even if there's a silence you can feel like Oh, Matt's looking very, very smug right now. [00:10:23] MATT: What? [00:10:24] Now why would I be doing that? [00:10:26] Fawn: Why am I still learning this? Why? [00:10:29] MATT: Grasshopper? [00:10:30] Fawn: Stop it. I feel so sad that I feel so inadequate that I'm all I feel wrong all the time. [00:10:40] MATT: Okay, [00:10:40] one of the key things Miyamoto Musashi taught was was that you can wield a sword with one hand. If you wield a sword with one hand, you have another hand. [00:10:54] You have another hand to use a tool, and that tool is, of course, the wakasashi, the short sword. [00:11:00] But you use all your tools. You use all of what you are all the time, left brain, right brain, top brain, bottom brain, the whole bit. [00:11:13] Fawn: I don't know how. [00:11:14] MATT: Well, you gotta work on that. [00:11:16] Fawn: I don't know how. [00:11:21] How am I supposed to say, Okay, brain, what side are you working with now? And let's try this other side. I don't know how to do that. I am what I am. How do you do that, Matt? [00:11:31] MATT: Well, again, [00:11:32] part of the TAO . T A O of Matt is to do that. I perceive things which cannot be seen. I pay attention to trifles, et cetera. [00:11:43] And we've gone over this like a million shows ago. Pay attention, just pay attention and then remove yourself from the situation, but keep paying attention. You know, if you were somebody like a foot behind you could hear [00:12:00] everything that's happening, how would you perceive the conversation? [00:12:05] That's a key part. Empathy is a key part of, emotional intelligence. You have empathy for days, but you can't distance your empathy from their empathy, from understanding where they're coming from. Because you're just enjoying the endorphin rush. [00:12:22] Fawn: Dang. Ouch. [00:12:25] MATT: Well, it's what it is. Now, why'd you marry me? I mean, what? [00:12:29] No. Variety of reasons, but one of the key reasons [00:12:33] Fawn: See, if you ask me [00:12:34] that [00:12:34] MATT: I pay attention, I listen, and I take you seriously. That's it. What do you want from a friend? [00:12:45] Fawn: Those same things. Right? [00:12:48] MATT: Yes. [00:12:51] Fawn: Well, I got really lucky with you, honey. [00:12:56] How'd that happen?[00:13:00] [00:13:00] I think in a past life, I was in trouble with a mob. And so I'm like, I hear nothing, I see nothing. Like, you know what I'm saying? I think that's what it is. When someone says something or I notice something, I'm like, I didn't see anything. I totally, I've felt that all my life. Like, I didn't see that. I didn't see that. [00:13:19] I don't, I don't want to get in trouble. I don't want to get into a confrontation. So I'm like, I didn't, I didn't. Nope. I didn't see that. I didn't feel that. I didn't hear that. La la la. I have to stop. I have to want to see it all. And it's ugly. It could be ugly. So I don't want to see it all. I think that's the problem. [00:13:39] MATT: You know, sometimes our friends do ugly things. [00:13:41] Yeah. [00:13:44] Fawn: Yeah, but V doesn't. [00:13:47] MATT: That she shows us. [00:13:51] Fawn: Okay. [00:13:51] MATT: We're still in a quasi honeymoon phase there, so don't get it too twisted. [00:13:56] Fawn: Okay. Alright. Well, anyway, you were right. friendship [00:14:00] salvaged. That I almost threw away for no reason. Well, the reason being because I was hurt by Some fool who yelled at me at Whole Foods. [00:14:08] Right? Right. I let it taint all my other friendships Yeah, I mean ever since then I have you noticed I don't hang out with anyone I'm just like all work, right? [00:14:19] MATT: Yes Unless I drag you out for coffee yesterday. [00:14:22] That was fun. We made two new friends [00:14:28] All because I was brave I noticed something and then I commented on it and I asked questions and then we ended up having a long conversation with a couple Next to us. They were so much fun They were interesting Okay. Well, that's it guys I was wrong [00:14:43] pay attention. [00:14:44] Fawn: That was right [00:14:45] MATT: pay attention [00:14:47] Fawn: Okay, anything else to add pay attention. [00:14:49] All right. All right. Have a beautiful every day I know it's a short one guys, but that's a biggie okay. Have a beautiful every day. [00:14:55] MATT: Be well