The Notebook - A Happy Story

This is not a sad or any kind of sad love story. No, this is a happy thing. This is another baby step  (what we can all do to improve our friendships and our zhuzhiness out in the world, and how we can get to the point where we're creating beautiful bonds).

The notebook is one way. 

It is a beautiful tool to pay attention to the people we meet to get a good understanding of who they are, what they value, and you know, what cool stuff they like. So it's kind of like doing a portrait of someone; a drawing. So you're really paying attention. And later when you look back on it, it's like a portrait of each person. And let's say it's been 20, 30 years, or a long, you know, so many years or you've moved away, wouldn't it be cool to just look back on it and reflect on the different kinds of personalities you met or you remember what you learned from this person back then?

It gives you a sense of comfort. In a way, it's kind of like a security blanket to have a little notebook. The notebook is an easy key we can all use to help us as we venture off and explore growing our friendship circle.

Fawn and Matt give examples of how precisely the notebook is accomplished.

Reach out to us: https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/

The Notebook – TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00] Fawn: The notebook. This is not going to be a sad or any kind of sad love story. No, this is a happy thing. We're gonna tell you about the notebook. It'll be like when we did the baby steps; we did a few episodes of baby steps of what we can all do to improve our friendships and our zhuzhiness out in the world, and how we can get to the point where we're creating beautiful bonds.

The notebook is one way. So here it is, guys. Hello. Welcome back. I'm Fawn.

[00:00:35] Matt: Hello? I'm still

[00:00:37] Fawn: here. This is Matt. One of the other things that I've been turning to lately, because we are in a completely new environment and we've been meeting so many people, really making an effort to not be lazy. Now we're out there and we're making sure that we're not lazy with our SEL skills. Social emotional learning, as well as, the skills you muster up or the courage you muster up when you're meeting people and when you see someone and you wanna become friends friends, or at least spark something , something wonderful, a wonderful conversation, a little, meet cute moment, a feel good moment, whatever it is, right? The notebook comes in handy.

Matt actually has been doing this with beer and other things and other things. . Matt has a beer notebook. So when we moved to Boulder, There were so many beers knobs there, and that's when we got into a crowd of friends.

That was their business. Is that they, what? What did they do? Soma, or how do you say it? Soma, Somal. How do you say

[00:01:52] Matt: that word? Cicerone actually is a sommelier for beer.

[00:01:55] Fawn: Sommelier . Okay.

[00:01:57] Matt: But it's a sommelier for

beer.

[00:01:58] Fawn: They're very serious. It's serious business.

[00:02:01] Matt: It is. Right, it is and and finding something you enjoy Sometimes, you know, you have to calibrate it just like anything else.

You have to figure out what kind of works, what doesn't work, and get people's opinions and all the rest of, It's a great way to actually spark up a conversation with people.

[00:02:17] Fawn: So there's a lot of note taking involved

for you.

[00:02:20] Matt: Yes. Oh yeah. You'll forget perhaps different things you've tried. So vectoring

[00:02:28] Fawn: in, and you did it besides beer, you did it with other things.

You always had one of those tiny, cute little art notebooks. They're very thin, they're cute. You always carry that in your back pocket. Every time you have a thought or you see something interesting or someone says something, you always jot it down.

[00:02:48] Matt: How many times have you been out and you've seen something cool?

Or somebody mentions a website and you're like, Oh yes. How could I ever forget the name of blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And you get home and you're like, I don't remember what the name of the website

was.

[00:03:02] Fawn: Usually we'll turn to each other and it sucks when neither one of us remembers. Right? What that thing was that we swore we would never, ever forget.

Of course not, right? Of course. No, never

[00:03:12] Matt: ridiculous.

[00:03:12] Fawn: Or like our children remember everything, but now they're getting to an age where they're like, Harumph

[00:03:19] Matt: and, and they're not paying attention to the things we're paying attention to. They just don't care. So , I wouldn't go that far. I would just say that their memories are still awesomely excellent.

Which is very cool. But there's a lot of other

stuff in there now.

[00:03:32] Fawn: I think they're realizing there's so much, um, so many things. Mm-hmm. that are getting your attention. Right. So you start to edit. So anyway, I started to really turn to my notebook because every time I met someone, I started to write down who they were, their names.

Cause I even forget a person's face. Mm-hmm. . It's really bizarre to my own self that I'm a photographer because I don't pay attention to details like that. I pay attention to a feeling, a vibe; that's what I remember. Well,

[00:04:05] Matt: and also sometimes you'll get caught up and you will meet like five people in rapid succession.

Good

luck.

[00:04:10] Fawn: Oh my God. So I'll write the person's name down and what I've been doing is it's in my little tiny journal, which is my appointment book. Mm-hmm. I'll write down quotes like when they say something really cool, I'll put it in quotes and say, This is what Sarah said or Jane or Maryanne.

I write down things that they say that are remarkable. I write down things that are really important to them, so I make sure I remember. Mm-hmm. Sometimes I'll write down when I find out they're allergic to something, make sure I write that down right. So when they come over to our house, I know not to serve that.

Right, Right. And not make a big fuss about it. It just won't be, Do you know what I mean? Yeah. It's good to remember, but there is so much to

remember.

[00:04:55] Matt: Yes. Yes, there is. And in my, in my world, when I start a new job, it's like you're on a team, you've got three or four people, and they all tell you rapid fire who they are, and people always tell you who they are.

Remember that. And if you don't write it down, you won't necessarily remember it because you're meeting so many people so fast.

[00:05:14] Fawn: People tell you what's important to them right off the bat. And when you just said, Matt, people tell you who they are, do you mean like they tell you exactly who they are? So, Is that what

you're talking about personality wise?

[00:05:26] Matt: It's like if they say, Don't trust me, then don't trust them.

[00:05:28] Fawn: Oh my God. Yeah.

[00:05:28] Matt: But also they'll also tell you, Yeah, especially in this day and age, it's like we're, we're across the country. I, I don't get to hang, I, I don't see the persons necessarily their space because everybody blurs their backgrounds. You have to really pay attention to everything they say and take down everything that they say to get a good understanding of who they are, what they value, and you know, what cool stuff they

[00:05:51] Fawn: like.

So it's kind of like doing a portrait of someone.

[00:05:55] Matt: Yes.

[00:05:56] Fawn: A drawing. So you're really paying attention. And later when you look back on it, like what if you have a separate notebook for friends only?

[00:06:05] Matt: Mm-hmm

[00:06:06] Fawn: and when you look back on it, it's like a portrait of each person. And let's say it's been 20, 30 years, or a long, you know, so many years or you've moved away.

[00:06:15] Matt: Right.

[00:06:16] Fawn: Wouldn't it be cool to just look back on it? And go, Oh, this is the personality that I met. This is the kind of personality that was in my life back then.

[00:06:25] Matt: Right

[00:06:25] Fawn: or you start remembering what you learned from this person back then.

Matt, are you okay? Your stomach is growling. I know. Are you hungry or

[00:06:33] Matt: is there a problem?

I think I'm hungry, but I'm not

[00:06:35] Fawn: sure what? Are you stressed

[00:06:37] Matt: out? Yes, I'm very stressed. Conversation stressing me. Serious. No, I'm good. Take it easy. Um, Need

[00:06:43] Fawn: more coffee. Oh my gosh. So anyway, we've been having a lot of coffee lately. Well, Matt has even I have had coffee because it's kind of like drinking Matt.

It's like alcohol. I'm not a coffee drinker, but because we've been meeting people, meeting people at different places. Mm-hmm. , I've been drinking coffee. How, I guess how people go to bars and they have drinks. , now I'm having caffeine and, um, caffeine doesn't agree with me.

[00:07:15] Matt: No, it does not.

[00:07:15] Fawn: Oh my goodness.

Like I'm, I'm just, I was already in pain from the move, but now I'm like, I'm tired. Um, now I really wanna sleep at night and I can't , like, it's just, I would just like to sip on hot water, but you, you can't go somewhere in. Water order. Order. Hot water. .

[00:07:36] Matt: Hot water order. Oh dear. Well, yeah, certainly. Yeah.

Nevermind. Time change has gotten us a little bit, folks.

[00:07:43] Fawn: Oh my God. I've turned into one of those people. Like, can I just have a cup of hot water with some lemon? When people used to come and order that, I would get so mad as a barista. Oh no. I would serve coffee. I'm like, Really? . Because it's free. You know, like I'm like, there is a tax you have to pay when you go to a coffee shop.

Well, yeah. You pay rent, you have to order stuff. You have to pay rent by the hour. You pay rent. You can't sit there with one drink and sit there for three or four hours. I learned that from my, Do you remember where I learned that from, Matt? No, my very, um, cute, sexy, um, police officer in France that I dated for.

He taught me that . Anyways, back to notebooks, Shall we? Notebooks? But see a note I took, but I didn't write it down. Anyways, I think it's really important to do that because it takes the pressure off and then you're not embarrassed by certain things. Like I met two different people in two days. In my mind, I, I started to mix up details from each person,

[00:08:47] Matt: of course.

[00:08:48] Fawn: They were kind of similar. , which was remarkable because they're both really individualistic, like completely different people. But they both had some things in common. Mm-hmm. . And so I was starting to mix them up and I almost out loud switched up their names. When I, you know, like when you're with someone, you call 'em by a different name, right?

So anyway, it stops you from doing that. It gives you a sense of comfort. In a way, it's kind of like a security blanket to have a little notebook. And I do wonder, Matt, when, so I was taking notes as people were talking to me, and they knew that I wrote down something they just said, and I made it very clear that I was taking notes.

[00:09:30] Matt: Mm-hmm

[00:09:31] Fawn: but I wonder how they felt. How would you feel, would you feel like, would you feel more important if you knew that everything you said, I'm completely paying attention to? And writing it down.

[00:09:45] Matt: I think I'd wanna see what you were writing.

[00:09:47] Fawn: Well, I kind of tell them, Wow, that was brilliant. Hold on a second.

Let me, let me quote you on that. Well, and

[00:09:52] Matt: there's, and so that's very flattering. It's just if, if some, if, if I was sitting there and like, A traditional, I guess, 1950s, um, psychologist, psychiatrist was writing down what I said.

[00:10:03] Fawn: I'd be like, Oh, I hate that. No, I'm not comfortable now. No, I, I also have the notebook kind of like open mm-hmm.

and I'm not hiding it like those psychologists do. I'm not doing that. , but I, Yeah, I'm very clear. Like, Oh, and what, Wait, wait a minute. What is this cool place you just mentioned what was, how do you spell that? Right? So they know what I'm writing, right? Um, yeah. It'll make it a secretive thing, but I think the notebook is an easy key we can all use to help us as we venture off and we explore growing our friendship circle.

So what do you think?

[00:10:38] Matt: As an avid notebook person, you know, usually at the end of any conversation that I'll have with somebody, particularly somebody I'm meeting brand new, yeah, I'll write down their names cuz God, I'm terrible with names, so that allows me to go back over it and make sure I've got it.

Particularly if you're moving to a new place and you have new neighbors, you really don't wanna forget their names. You know, you can get away with asking, what was your name again? Once and that's,

[00:11:01] Fawn: And I wanna say that please don't do this on your phone. Do not take notes on your phone. Get an actual physical notebook.

[00:11:09] Matt: Well, if you take notes on your phone, then know it looks like you're antisocial. Somebody could be thinking you're, you're Facebooking or whatever, whatever else those people

[00:11:16] Fawn: do on their phones. No, it's different when you have a pen or pencil and a piece of paper that you're, it, It's not the same kind of rude mm-hmm.

Do you know what I'm saying? Well,

[00:11:27] Matt: and also it's. Because you want it to be as, as

[00:11:30] Fawn: well. I don't know. There's some people that organic possible. I don't know. Some, Most people are very super, super fast on their phones and that fast.

[00:11:39] Matt: Always Dang. Okay. Cause oh my god, I can't, I can't hit the

[00:11:43] Fawn: buttons fast enough.

That's because we don't like technology like that

[00:11:46] Matt: I suppose.

[00:11:47] Fawn: But yeah, don't use your phones. Get a notebook. There are so many cute little notebooks on there. There. Get

[00:11:52] Matt: a notebook Oh oh and pro tip for your notebook for me anyways, cuz I thrash them. Lot of places offer stickers like coffee places and Whatnots will offer you stickers.

Get 'em and put 'em on the outside of your notebook because they'll protect it. Cuz I thrash my poor notebooks.

[00:12:09] Fawn: That's because you sit on your, your notebooks. Well

[00:12:11] Matt: exactly. You put 'em in your back pocket because my notebook is always on me as I pull it out. Oh my goodness. . Yeah. My current one has a Maverick sticker and and a receipt.

[00:12:21] Fawn: Well, you sticker it's curved to the same shape as your butt. Yep. .

[00:12:25] Matt: Well, no, it's, it's thin. It's 50 some odd pages or something, so it, it, it fits Nice. Soft cover.

[00:12:33] Fawn: Nice. Yeah. Well, mine are the same. , but I put mine in my bag and I like to keep them pristine. And then I like to line all them up on my desk and I can go chronologically looking at things. Don't put things on your phone.

It could be stolen, it could be like, people can like swipe it. Just don't do it. And that way you can doodle, you can like get a crayon you can add art to it. You

[00:13:00] Matt: can journal, you can, Yeah. Everything else, everything else you wanna do.

[00:13:04] Fawn: So anyway, that's our, that's our little friendship tip for today, the notebook.

Anything else you wanna add?

Nope. I had to think

[00:13:13] Matt: about it

[00:13:13] Fawn: for a second. , do you wanna like give an example? A beer note that you make, Like what? I still to this day, don't know what you write about beer. Like, what is it? It tastes good. Okay. What do you write in there?

[00:13:28] Matt: Okay. Sometimes you forget. Sometimes you want different things in, in a beverage, in a friend, in a conversation, in a whatever.

And so you write down your feelings. You write down how it, how it matures when it gets warmer, cuz beer tastes differently from cold to warm. It does. The complexities. Sometimes you want something simple, sometimes you don't. Alcoholic levels, sometimes you want something, hits you heavier, sometimes you don't.

It's just there's a, there's a lot in there. And plus, you know, keeping track of a, um, a vendor, you know, I. Ex beer is da da da because you'll sometimes you'll forget, particularly if something fades from view for a while or you take a look and there's a beer that's by the same people who made another beer you drank that you really didn't like.

There's a couple like that. They keep luring me back in and I finally got to a point where it's like, No, not for that. I don't care what the, what the beer, what yeah, what they say. But you know, it's, it's, notebooks is a memory aid here, folks, and this way, it's like I can go through it and I, I don't have to remember it particularly if I don't know how important or not something is going to be same, same thing, sadly or gratefully goes with people.

Some people become very important outta nowhere and some people fade from view you thought would be important

[00:14:46] Fawn: and everybody touches your life in some way. And also you learn about yourself. Remember, like we would go back on our notes and go, Oh my God, that was this time last year. I totally forgot we

[00:14:57] Matt: did that.

Right? And that's, that's, uh, that's a very important thing too. Yes. Is, is actually reviewing, going back through and really having a good understanding because God doesn't it seem like, Time just moves faster and faster and faster. It, it works, and then it slows to a crawl, and then it's faster, faster, faster.

So, you know, in, in some cases it's like this month just, I don't remember it at all. And in other cases it's like, Will this week ever end? Mm-hmm. . So, yeah, it can be important to write things down. It's, I think it's always important to write things down and it's, it's important to go ahead and review. You know, I'm a big fan of, of reviewing almost everything just to make sure I, I do it right and I present myself the way I wanna present myself.

And that, you know, hopefully I'm seen, I'm seen the way I want to be.

[00:15:49] Fawn: It gives you a certain clarity as well, like we talked about. Remember, everyone always tells you exactly who they are. Yes. So believe them. Yes. So taking note on exactly what they said, sometimes you forget and sometimes you know the world is a small town and everyone is your friend.

but what kind of friend are they? Not every friend turns out to be great for you.

[00:16:15] Matt: True.

[00:16:15] Fawn: Do you know what I'm saying? Mm-hmm. . And there are always clues along the way that you kind of like let slide, but you can really like write down your feelings, even if it's a little doodle. And then really like, think to yourself like be very present and be very non-judgemental, but like just, uh, give yourself a certain perspective.

Mm. So if someone does say something or you get a certain feeling, then meditate on that. You know what I'm saying? Like absolutely. Like we met a kid today. . Charlie . How old do you think this kid was? Six.

[00:16:55] Matt: Six. Six Seems

[00:16:56] Fawn: about right. Oh my God. The cutest. Cutest. He's a little man. Amazing. He was there with his grandfather.

And they were like

[00:17:04] Matt: twins. He was like perfect, perfectly poised. It was a bizarre thing to see and

[00:17:10] Fawn: we were having such a great conversation with him. Mm-hmm. like a full on conversation and then this one woman shows up, dun, dun, dun. And all of a sudden Charlie wouldn't even look at this person and didn't wanna say hello to this person.

Right. I thought that was a little odd. Yes. I was like, Oh, sh, you know, in my head I was say, thinking. Shit Talki, what's happened? Hey. Um, and then immediately everything changed. And yes, he very calmly turned and said, I'm done. He, he told

[00:17:44] Matt: his grandpa he

[00:17:45] Fawn: was done, so I'm done. And he headed for the door. Yep.

So he couldn't get outta there fast enough, but, and I was thinking, Well, how brilliant is that? Because whatever he picked up on, I also picked up on. But I was, um, allowing myself to not let that show. because I don't wanna offend anyone. Mm-hmm. and I, you know, I wanna give grace to the situation and give a second chance because my instinct was the same as his.

I don't know what happened. Right. I don't know if this other person that came to the table had pain and we both picked up on it and we weren't in the place to allow that pain penetrate us.

[00:18:24] Matt: Well, he certainly wasn't

[00:18:25] Fawn: so he wasn't, Yeah, right. Exactly. Now, and I found that to be quite inspiring, but I'm like, well, wow.

The responsibility we feel like we have as adults to carry that with us. Whereas this kid was like, nuts, do this. I'm not having any of this. Right.

[00:18:40] Matt: Right. You don't have to accept somebody's anything. You can, You can refuse delivery.

[00:18:46] Fawn: You can refuse delivery, but at the same time, you can still help without having to accept the delivery.

You know what I mean? Right. And it's something, as an adult, you learn how to do. Not, not an adult, but like it's something that can be learned. Yes. That should be learned, right? Mm-hmm. by everyone Anyway. I think that when you have a notebook like that, you can in some fashion, put that in there. So that's the tip.

Anything else to add? Okay, that's it. Please reach out to us. We love when you leave beautiful reviews for us, please. It helps us out a lot actually. It does. Thank you. Thank you, France. Um, again, thank you to all the countries that are listening to us in our American English. We so appreciate you.

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