The Guest House

The Guest House - TRANSCRIPT Fawn: [00:00:00] The guest house. This being human is a guest house. Every morning, a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness. Some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them all. Even if they are a crowd of sorrows who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight. The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing and invite them in. Be grateful for whatever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond. So that's from Rumi. One of my people, Persian people. Welcome back to our friendly world, everybody. MATT: Hello, everyone. Fawn: so something we've been thinking about lately., um, wow. I know this is [00:01:00] all about relearning or remembering the art of friendship. And I have to admit that I'm recalling the last don't know, a couple years? And I feel like, have I been too negative on the show? It feels like I'm giving you , my sorrows, Basically, my experiences, like the woes, and I think that's good because it's not, we're not here to say, everything's wonderful, everything's great, just be friends. No. We have to look at all the problems facing our society and like, we're kind of, with each little episode kind of delving in there and saying, okay, this is what we're noticing that's happening right now. That's a little off. How can we make it better, right? Obviously, if things were great, we wouldn't even have a show on The Art of Friendship for us to remember, correct? MATT: Truth. Fawn: So, having said that, I must say that the last, I don't [00:02:00] know, this, this, this portion of my life? I'm not happy about some of the people that I have met. I'm not happy about some of the boyfriends I had. Definitely not. Uh oh, but I'm one MATT: of those boyfriends. Fawn: Baby, you're my husband. I love you. No! But, you know, maybe I wouldn't have contracted some diseases. You know what I'm saying? Like, bad. I'm MATT: unwilling to own up to having contracted any diseases, thank you. Fawn: I'm just saying that they brought, uh, I'm sure stepping away from life, it all is meant to be, it's all put you in the place where you're supposed to be at this moment and everything is in divine order, but yeah, I'm not happy with some of the people that came into my life, I'm not happy with a lot of people that have come into our kids lives, you know, Now they're like, in therapy [00:03:00] for it. Or, or they're still upset about it. Or they're like, forever scarred about it. And if the scar heals, you can still see it. Like, oh, how did you get that burn? Oh yeah, that came from how this person Was so mean on the playground. Or, just, I don't want to get into it. MATT: I'm feeling like that person on that movie, uh, How to Lose a Man in, uh, Ten Days. Who's like, But surprisingly upbeat. So when does this become surprisingly Fawn: upbeat? Okay, Matt's referring to one of my I only watch romantic comedies. So yeah, how to lose a guy in ten days she works for a Fashion magazine and they're pitching ideas and this one woman is always talking about. Oh, you know All the things that happened at the nail salon that went bad, but surprisingly, upbeat. Or, whatever, like, horrible stuff, but surprisingly upbeat. So how can we make this upbeat today, is what you're saying, Matt? That would be what I am saying, yes. Well, I'm just saying, okay, to turn it around, I will say that, uh [00:04:00] You know what? Let me just Why don't you talk for a little bit? Let me collect myself, because I'm still in that point where, like, I wish I had never MATT: seen these people. I mean, we certainly, starting with that poem, The Boathouse, Fawn: The guest house, honey. The guest house. I know. I keep MATT: doing that. I don't know why I keep doing that, but I keep doing that. Fawn: And by the way, have you all had any guests that you were so excited about coming over to stay with you? And once they're there, you're like, Oh, this was the worst idea. When are they going to leave? Leave! And it turns into the worst, most toxic situation. That happened to us. I was so mad. To this day, I'm so angry about it. MATT: But surprisingly Fawn: upbeat. Nope, nope, nope, I'm not upbeat about that. I'm glad she's out of our lives. Gosh. MATT: Anyways, so back to the guest house. Fawn: Oh, okay, before that, I will say something upbeat. That, at my core, I've always said, and I still believe this, that every [00:05:00] meeting is a planned meeting. Even the people that walk. by you for a fraction of a second on a crowded street in a crowded city. That is a chance, it's not a chance meeting, that is a pre destined, that is a pre planned meeting. So kind of what Rumi says, that because each has been sent as a guide from above or as a guide from beyond, I'm sorry. So anyway, back to you, honey. MATT: Oh, thank you feels like you just I don't know cut my ki Fawn: How did I cut your ki? MATT: Oh, I thought I had a point now. I'm Fawn: Well, I was okay. I'll go back to being negative. I am so sorry. No, no, no, no, MATT: no, no, no, no Fawn: Some people really mess stuff up though. I gotta say Really mess stuff up. MATT: I mean Rumi's onto something But I don't know. I can't, I can't agree with a hundred percent of what he says. [00:06:00] Fawn: Probably about welcoming all of it in? Yeah, because we come from Aikido, and we're very careful about what we allow in our circle, correct? And he's saying, welcome it all with an open arm. MATT: Meet them at the door laughing and invite them in. Fawn: Oh, no. Yeah, you're right. But he's a wise sage. Well, MATT: he is a wise sage, and I certainly agree with treating each guest honorably. But he doesn't say nicely, he says honorably. Fawn: Uh huh. MATT: So, you know, splitting the terms. But of course, I have no idea what he actually wrote. I only know the translations, so. That is true. It becomes tricky. This is all in English. And some translators are awesome and some aren't. Fawn: Right, we have no idea if this is actually what it says. And that's, MATT: that's kind of part of the issue, but. I mean, he's Fawn: Well, question for you, honey. What's What How do you How do you define honorable, as opposed to What was the other word for it?[00:07:00] MATT: Nice? Fawn: Yeah. Is that what we said? MATT: Well, I think honorably honorably? You Don't put too much on them, but, you don't let them get away with stuff. Okay. Fawn: You're still treating yourself with respect. Yes. And your surroundings with respect. MATT: And if they're like, Oh, wow, this dress is really pretty. I really wish I had a dress like this. You don't say, Oh, well, here you go. Fawn: Also, you're not going to get into a fighting, dirty match with them. You're not going to meet them at a level that is very base. Mhmm. A level, by base I mean, if they're throwing explicit, explicit, how do you say the word? Explicatives. Explicatives. Like really nasty words at you or nasty things. You're not going to go to that same level. You're not going to fight dirty. If they're fighting dirty, [00:08:00] correct? Yes. That would be honorable. MATT: Yes. Fawn: So it doesn't mean, yes, by all means, bring in all, all of it into my home. MATT: And I'm not going to, I'm not going to be nice to the point where I'm giving. Too much of myself. Fawn: And that's why you break up with some people, correct? MATT: Yes, some people take. Some friends Fawn: take. Some people come and destroy your house and take all the furniture and you're left empty. And that's exactly what MATT: he's what he's saying, but I think that where he's going to, because it's actually, even if they're, even if they are a crowd of sorrows who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still treat each guest honorably, he may be clearing you out for some new delight. Fawn: That's true. MATT: I think that, you ever had one of those like friends who's just always there? But like, they're [00:09:00] not always there to take you to a concert or to, tell you about this really cool, forget all, forgive all the music analogies about this cool band or, this cool anything like, wow, look at this fashion or look at these deals or look at this, but they're always there and they're always nice and they're always pleasant. And you can have like really moving conversations, but they're not flashy. Right. And I think sometimes these wicked people who sweep in and out, I think that It's almost like having a friend who's just a palate cleanser on some level, you know They're just nice to be around. You just enjoy being with them. Fawn: Oh my gosh. Okay, so it's kind of like MATT: You appreciate that. Fawn: Uh huh. Is it like okay So one of the things I learned when I worked at Aveda when you smell too many scents After I forget the number is it seven or nine or something? [00:10:00] After a certain amount of things that you smell, your nose becomes, like, it, it kind of goes blank. So you're not able to correctly smell anything anymore. , but coffee is one of those things, if you smell coffee, you, it resets your sensory. Your smelling sensory. Mhmm. So you can start smelling again. So that's why, the aromatherapy labs and everything, they had, a little Petri dish of coffee. Coffee bean MATT: and that makes perfect sense and again, you know what we're definitely what I definitely think he's going down the line is exactly that it's You know When everything is terrible, but one thing isn't wow, that one thing is like extra good Fawn: So like our cake guy when we got married, MATT: oh my goodness. Yes our cake guy and our musicians, but our cake guy Yes, Fawn: so so basically what it means is Because the friend who's steady, the person who's been steady and quietly there for you, you may forget [00:11:00] how, what a treasure they are. But when a nasty friend comes up, you're like, wow, then you appreciate the one that's always been there. And you see, it gives more delight to them. MATT: Yes, very much. Very, very much. It makes you Fawn: remember. MATT: And that's kind of where my headspace was at, because I was hanging out with the guys at coffee. And somebody swept in, and the somebody who swept in was not a very nice person. And immediately, two of the people who, I was at coffee with disappeared. And I thought they disappeared because of another guy at the table, but they, turns out they disappeared for a completely different reason, but that's not what's important. But this guy came in and just kind of polluted everything, until my buddy Jack called him on stuff. And it was like, oh my god. And in hindsight, I'm just like, wow. And so, yeah, I had to make sure, credit where credit's due, I had to [00:12:00] credit him with all my other friends because I wanted to make sure they understood where he was and what he did. Cause I always try, strive to notice these moments. And it's especially poetic because I didn't, I noticed it at the time, but it was only in retrospect that it became more powerful, which is why I tend to reflect on everything. But also, you know, if you're, if you're working in a very, very toxic environment, having Just the calm, steady friend is like, is like a lifeline and hopefully you all, well hopefully you all have not experienced that toxic of a workplace. But hopefully you all have that calm friend who can, who can just be steady, just, you know. Fawn: Like our cake, our baker. Oh my goodness. At our wedding. So, okay, we're, we're talking, some of you are new to our show and I don't think we've ever really talked about it on our podcast. We've been interviewed on other shows. about our wedding, because [00:13:00] it was crazy. So, Matt and I did our whole wedding together. Matt Paid for it all. Um, I created everything from the invitations. I mean, everything was a work of art. To the table settings, to, it was very eco friendly. , Like everything about it. Everything. We decorated most of it with all kinds of colorful fabrics. So, we didn't want to, pull flowers from the earth just to have for one night. We So we didn't do that. We had a few flowers put in big glass bowls of water Like we submerged like one Gerber daisy in a big bowl per table, but every table had an easel and a Unique work of art created by moi. Thank you. And each table instead of a number had a Like a saying so [00:14:00] you're at MATT: you're not at table 37 You're at the wisdom table. You're at the compassion. Love Fawn: is here table You know, like it had a it had a word or a phrase Anyway, it was very special but who showed up like we invited we tried to be honorable we invited Whatever family MATT: well said honorable. Well done. Fawn: Oh, we were though. I know MATT: absolutely. Well, that's just it, you know a Wedding. Yes. Absolutely. It is for the couple, but it's also for the families Fawn: in this case We knew it was all for the family. So it was kind of like let's just feed the beast, you know, like but I'm sorry So guys long story short. What happened was our beautiful ceremony in Malibu, California Like Beautiful, like even the people who worked there, shout out to Calamigo's Ranch in Malibu. Um, which by the way, every time we turn on the [00:15:00] TV, there's either a commercial or a TV show that's taking place exactly where we got married. So we're always telling the kids, that's where we stood, that's where, that's our ceremony. And they're like, yeah, yeah, we know. Yeah, I MATT: think they're, I think they're over it. Fawn: But anyway. It was so special that the staff kept coming up to us during our ceremony during our whole wedding saying wow We've never seen anything like this before and I thought they were talking about other things because I was like pushing back tears What happened was? Everybody from our guests which were relatives who had vengeance in mind all of them Like they they they took that opportunity to get back at each other not knowing Here's us we're just inviting people honorably But no like my stupid uncles came as a vendetta to my parents to ruin the wedding to get back at my parents for whatever They were harboring from Decades ago. So anyway, yeah, we had some brawls [00:16:00] happen at our wedding Brawls full on brawl Anyways, anyway, it took me years to get over it. It took me years I have never in my life and i've been through stuff guys I've never in my life had Such rage in my spirit after our wedding. I had to go to therapy. MATT: And what was so lame is one of those brawling, we got back from our honeymoon, two weeks, yay! Thank you, dad. Um, and He called to apologize, and it's like, wow, okay, if you're gonna show your butt, show your butt, and continue showing it. Don't apologize, putting, you know, apologize to me, right? I don't know what to say, you know, should I Did he apologize to you? Yes, should I did, I didn't Fawn: know that. I thought I told MATT: you that. Fawn: You never told me that. You gave me the phone when he called. I don't remember that, I just remember him crying on the phone, this 70 year old man crying on the phone. He wanted to MATT: [00:17:00] apologize to me. Fawn: Wow. And it's like, do I, do I MATT: just say, you know, and the horse you rode in on, which means screw you, or do I say, it's okay, do I, I mean, it was our wedding, singular occurrence. Thank you so much. Fawn: I don't remember what I said. I said, thank you, but I've still returned. The bottle of champagne that they had sent us as a gift. MATT: That we believe they sent us. We could have just sent them a random bottle of champagne that got sent from somebody else. No, Fawn: it was from them. I just, as soon as it arrived, I just sent it back. Um, here's the thing. When people do you wrong, when you're under duress, this is the other lesson I learned last week. You don't hear properly. So no, I don't remember him talking to you. Much like when we get into a fight and you apologize immediately I don't hear it because I'm in a state, nothing makes sense and I can't hear things properly. We've done a whole show on this years ago, two, three years ago about how [00:18:00] when someone is overwhelmed, their senses get completely muted. So they can't hear, they can't see, they can't they don't feel the same way. My goodness, this happened to me last week. Sorry Farnoosh Guys I got into a fight with Farnoosh. Well, I feel like it was a fight. I don't know what it was, but whatever it was MATT: Whatever it was they weren't talking. Fawn: No Because I was overwhelmed and I felt like no one was hearing me. I was in trouble. My kids were in trouble And I felt like the world was against us. Which it was. I had to correct everybody constantly. Especially MATT: me. Fawn: Going, no, not you. But going back to our wedding, even our vendors. Everybody was screwing us over. It was ridiculous. And MATT: what was the favorite part? What did they all say? Fawn: Don't worry about it. So we would say, hey, this seems off, or hey, um, are you actually going to do this? Don't worry about it. Okay, if [00:19:00] you are a vendor, MATT: never say that. Fawn: We'll never say that to us, because that's fighting words for us now. But the only people who were honorable and quiet and we didn't even have to think about was our baker. Who made our cake. Yes. And the amazing musicians. MATT: Yes. And there you have it. And what, do you, do you remember when we asked our baker, we're like, okay, we're getting married at Calamigo's Ranch on this date. What did he say? Fawn: I don't remember now. He MATT: just Fawn: said, MATT: I know it. That's it. That's all he said. Love him. And that was literally our sole conversation with him after we tasted the cakes. Yeah. And not for a second did I believe the cake wasn't gonna be there, and boom, it was. Fawn: Quiet. No fuss, no mus MATT: no fuss, no mus quiet. Calm. No Fawn: fuss. Like, amazing. MATT: And the musicians, they were a little different because they were very energetic. Oh my god, they were energetic, but Fawn: and [00:20:00] so lovely MATT: so happy Fawn: and compassionate and happy for us I think everybody anyway, we're talking about the wedding too much. Anyway, anyways, but that's going back to friendship It's like when that kind of stuff happens you realize who? The nice ones are yes, and you realize what you have so After therapy session after therapy session. Oh my gosh, this one therapist had me you guys so She, she was more of a psychic than a therapist. She was both. She was very intuitive, but she's like, I want you to write down every single person that has done you wrong from this wedding. Guys, it was like 250 people. How many people did we have? It was like 200. MATT: It was like 200. Fawn: So I'm like, that's a long list because not only did I have to write their name down, but I had to, okay this is what she made me say. Lord, please help me to forgive. Blank, the person. Lord, please help me to forgive [00:21:00] Jane. Lord, please help Jane to forgive me. I'm like, what? Why should I? Anyway. Please help us to forgive each other. Please Lord. Thank you Lord. I had to say that even though I'm not even religious, but like I had to say that about every single person. I'm like, that's a lot of people. Who has time for that? He's like, she's like, well you, and I thought about it. She really didn't say anything. She just looked at me, the therapist, and I'm like, oh, I get it. If it's a lot of people and I'm like, that's a lot of people to say all this about, like, why would that be in my spirit, in my body? So yeah, so now, anything, anytime something happens, I say that and it's amazing how it totally clears you. Even though you're like, I don't want to say like, Lord, like I'm some crazy religious person, but it totally helps. You know, don't say it out loud because some people can get mad, but just like saying it, Lord, please help me to forgive Fred. [00:22:00] Please help Fred to forgive me. That was the one that got me though. I'm like, what does he have to forgive me about? I didn't do anything, but on some level We all take part in something that we may not even be aware of because it could be a contract from some other time period I don't know. Another life. Who knows? Whatever. Another dimension. You know what I'm saying? So anyway, Lord help me to please help me to forgive Fred. Please help Fred to forgive me Please help us to forgive each other. Please Lord. Thank you Lord. Bye Right? MATT: Right. Fawn: Anyway. Back to Rumi. Alright. I know. Any other thoughts? MATT: I have one parting thought. Take a moment. Think through. All the people. Do you have a calm friend that you haven't talked to in maybe a minute? Maybe you should. Fawn: And by the way, everyone is a friend. The world is a small town and everyone is a friend.[00:23:00] Some are disguised as evil. Please repeat it again. What you said. MATT: Oh dear. So, thinking about it, do you have a calm friend that maybe you haven't spoken to lately? You should. Fawn: Can the friend be like a dog? MATT: Friend can be anything. Fawn: Before we go, can you read the Rumi thing? MATT: Oh, you want me to read it? Yeah, you read it. Oh dear. Here, lead us Fawn: out. MATT: But I'm not a Fawn: professional. I love you guys. So here's Matt, he's gonna read it. But before that, thank you for listening. We love you so much and Reach out to us any time you want, just go to our website, ourfriendlyworldpodcast. com. Here you go, here's Matt. MATT: The Guest House. This being human is a guest house. Every morning, a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness. Some [00:24:00] momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they are a crowd of sorrows who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight, the dark thought, the shame, the malice. Meet them at the door laughing and invite them in. Be grateful for whatever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.