The Authentic Friend

The Authentic & Genuine Friend Fawn: [00:00:00] Yoo hoo! Welcome back! Hi, everybody! Welcome back. MATT: What's that look in your eyes? Fawn: What do you mean? MATT: They're all wide. Fawn: Oh, I don't know. MATT: Oh, okay. Fawn: They're, they're always like that, usually. Unless I'm super mad at you, then I get squinty. Maybe you've been mad at me lately. Shifty. MATT: Ruh roh. Fawn: Okay. All right, here we go, everybody. Are you ready? Welcome back. Hello. Authentic. Alright, get ready, I have a lot to say. Oh, hey! What was it? I'm like, what should we talk about? Like, we were talking, you're like, You know what is real. MATT: Well, that's what you said. Fawn: Yeah, I know, because, ugh. There's so much I want to say about this, also, it can lead into so many different directions. I'm going to take us down one path, but another path I want to take us down is, if we have time, is AI and authenticity. Ooh. It also goes back to [00:01:00] a sense of smell? Anyway, maybe we can get into that later, but okay. Alright everybody, diving into it. Authentic, the etymology. Mid 14th century, it means authoritative MATT: Okay, well done. Let's move on. Fawn: Duly authorized. Duly authorized. I don't know, I kind of want to go back to synthetic sense Because okay a long time ago. I worked for the Aveda corporation. I worked with Horst Reckelbacher the founder the CEO I worked with him like 20 hours a day every day and it was really interesting like as we traveled and he spoke to huge audiences I was Really struck by what he was saying. It was a lot of amazing Wisdom he would throw out as much as it was difficult working for this man It was, seriously, a defining moment in my life, it was, it was fantastic, but he [00:02:00] always talked about synthetic smells, or synthetic anything, things coming from petrol chemicals, right? And how you know, you, we're so in our culture, in our society, we're so used to Synthetic ness. Things that are not real. And we think they're real! It made me think, recently, as we were talking about, Okay, we should definitely do a show, do an episode on The Authentic, The Authentic Friend. How do you know? The thing is that, if you can imagine, Let's say, years and years ago, we were used to nature, we were used to the scent of lavender or the scent of anything out there in nature, right? But then someone comes along in a lab and said, hey look, I made this fragrance of lavender. Why would you do that? Why wouldn't you just go to the source? But now you have a petrochemical that is made to smell [00:03:00] or now with food is made to taste like a certain thing And then it keeps changing and eventually we are so far off from nature so far off from the authentic so so far off from the genuine thing the real thing and We don't even know what the real deal is anymore And so think about how the first synthetic scent was so cool in the beginning But But, we lose the real sense until we come in contact with the real deal again. And this is what Horst would say. When you smell the real deal, when you're in contact with true authenticity, the true nature of something, the true flower, the true essence, immediately, because your body is from nature, immediately, You know, it's authentic, you know in your being, your nose [00:04:00] knows This is the real deal. Come on. I'm serious Stop laughing MATT: Yes Fawn: So It's interesting like it works in all Pathways of life like it's interesting how we now look like in our American culture We look to a third party to find what is true. Like, you were talking about this before, Matt, and I'm sure we'll talk about it later, because it was something that you brought up, is that especially in the American culture, we look to a third party to find out what is true instead of finding the truth on our own, right? Right. So, that falls into what we're gonna talk about today. But going back to the etymology of authentic, It comes from authoritative, something that is duly authorized. A common definition is living your life according to your own values and goals rather than those of other people. You are true to your own personality and spirit, regardless of the pressure that you're [00:05:00] under to act otherwise. You know, if we look at actors, this is something I've noticed for years, is that they're A lot of actors, especially female ones, they tend to, if you really look, with like a lazy eye, or sometimes not even that, like with a soft eye, it is really remarkable how they all look the same. It's the same, you know, like, sometimes I look at them Actors on screen, you know, on TV, I'm like, who is that? They have morphed into the sculpted way of looking and they all look the same to the point where I'm like, who is that? Like even someone so famous that was originally so authentic has been molded, I think, probably because they're now older, molded to look a certain way that it's now so superficial, so plastic. That, I'm like, who is that? Like it's a mask. Am I the only [00:06:00] one thinking this way? MATT: Well, I think plastic surgeons have this nasty habit of, in the process of smoothing lines and sculpting noses and chins and whatevers. Fawn: But it's, it's beyond that, Matt. It's like, it's beyond that. It's the makeup. It's the hair. It's even with voice acting, the sound, like, it's all the same. You know, like, I, I don't know who, who's at fault here. Is it the actors? Is it the people who hire the actors? But like, or like, you know, they want that look and if you, if they feel like that's the popular one, everyone has to be that to get that job because they want that look, they want that sound, you know, instead of being, coming from variety and authenticity. And they always say, Oh, we want the authentic, we want something new. You know, it's all the same. The majority. MATT: What they want is, they want something safe. Fawn: [00:07:00] Right. Because, yeah. Market MATT: research has indicated that this will, you know, if I put 5 into this with this particular feel to it, I will get back 7. 50. So I will continue. That's why we have so many sequels in Hollywood. That's why even they're starting to lament music and even books are all starting to feel like the same note Right. I read an article recently on, on books, and as it turns out, the only, the only way a bookmaker really makes money is every once in a while they find that one book that's a home run, but typically they make bank on celebrity books because there's a guaranteed audience. And it's all about the guarantee, which is weird because guarantee and authentic do seem Like they should maybe flow together. Fawn: Well, like have you noticed anyone let's just talk about the arts whether acting whatever it is Right something that's creative It's always the authentic people who make it [00:08:00] big like who finally who do Manage to make it big is is what I should say They're the ones who totally embrace who they are They are truly unique and those are the ones who are really funny Because they don't care if their gut is sticking out, they don't care if they have wrinkles, they don't care if their face looks ugly when they're saying something a certain way, you know? Like, okay, remember those, uh, the jokers we would watch? Impractical jokers? The guys from New York? The funniest guy to me was Joe. It was Joe, right? Yeah, because he he didn't care how how Foolish, he looked he didn't care how his gut stuck out and you know So this MATT: is a show where three got four guys? Like, compete to embarrass each other, and the person who does the worst gets a punishment, which is always something a little messed up. Fawn: Totally messed up. That's a different story, though. MATT: But, no, no, no, I just wanted [00:09:00] to, for those of, those in our audience who don't understand what these are, so these are people who've known each other for a long time. They were friends from high school. But, it was like, they were kinda normal people. Fawn: Right. But, to me, the funniest one was the one who, like, really went for it. Mm hmm. And, and didn't care how foolish he looked. Mm hmm. Right. Or popular, or handsome, whatever it is, you know, like, he had no, um, what's the word? He has no, um, Shame. Uh, I don't know the word right now, but those people, regardless of what they look, turn out to be the most attractive, I think. You know? When they fully embrace who they are, and they fully live in that, I think that is the most attractive thing. Anyway, so, the etymology of authentic led me to the origin of the word genuinely. This word genuinely comes from the Latin word for [00:10:00] knee, genu, g e n u, referencing a custom of a father acknowledging his paternity by holding his baby on his knee. That's where genuine, genuinely, genuinely comes from. So, why the struggle to be authentic? does it come down to total lack of self esteem? Fear of, fear of, or like a strong desire for others to like us? Is that the reason why it feels to me that that There is such a struggle to be authentic in people. So anyway, so I was looking at this and I came across this one website, which was pretty cool. Turns out she's a fellow Santa Monica person. She came up with signs that you aren't being authentic. [00:11:00] Her name is Dr. Jennifer Huggins. And the website is painpsychologistla. com MATT: Pain? Fawn: Uh huh. She helps people deal with physical pain. Okay. But it's interesting what she says about, being genuine. Listing 11 examples of how you're not being genuine. Like you may not, people who aren't genuine, I think for forever, like all their lives don't realize that they're not. They think they are genuine. They don't know. As I was reading this I think about a friend I have that I sometimes talk about and my other friends are like, why are you still friends with this person? I think as I was reading these I always think about her in different examples Because she is such an interesting character in life that I always refer to her as Why? Is she like this? Why is she acting this way? [00:12:00] Why would she say this? Why would she lie like this here? You know what I'm saying? It's fascinating to me and I think that's why she's always been on the outskirts of my life is because I feel like she's such a beautiful lesson in Human behavior. MATT: A cautionary tale? Fawn: I wouldn't say that. That's so mean. But, but it, it, she is lovely in so many ways, but at the same time, could be really harsh and not so lovely. In a way that, you know, I have to have some distance, but I feel like it's important for me to keep looking at this kind of a personality to understand. The difference between genuine and not genuine, you know what I'm saying? I MATT: do. Fawn: So as I was reading these 11 signs, was, I was thinking about this, so here, check it out. Number [00:13:00] one, these are signs that you're not being genuine, or someone is not being genuine. Number one, you question what you say to others. And what this means is you're not speaking your truth for fear of judgment. So you're afraid of people judging you. MATT: Or fear of perhaps, um. Ramifications. Fawn: Yes. Number two, people pleasing. Are you people pleasing? Saying what you believe the other person wants to hear versus how we really feel. MATT: Right. Thank you for your service. Fawn: Stop it. Number three, comparing oneself to others. We may look at the other person as being better than ourselves, as falling short somehow by proxy. This can lead to not showing up in a relationship, owning who we are, you know, so we're not owning who we are. Right. [00:14:00] Number four, distrust of others. If we genuinely trust other people, we may not share as much about ourselves. Or, hide things about who we are. Number five, preoccupation with others faults. The focus becomes off the self. Our true nature may be lost due to focus on what others are doing MATT: right, because if you're gonna, like, criticize or exonerate someone for being a certain way, then you're gonna, likewise, in yourself, try and either be that way or, yeah, Fawn: nevermind. MATT: Yes, but also, though, like, you know, if you mock someone because they're wearing pink shoes or something, then you're never gonna wear pink shoes, even if you want to. Fawn: Mmm. Mmm. Interesting, Matt. Okay, uh, number six is lying. Lying. Why are you MATT: looking at me [00:15:00] like that? No, Fawn: no, no, no, because not. I'm thinking about my friend. Right, I understand. There are always so many, um, hidden things, which I consider lying. Right. So, lying. Lying to others creates a wall between you and the other person. Oh, that's my phone, I'm sorry. Okay, so, again, lying to others creates a wall between you and the other person. One cannot know who you really are when lies are at play. There, I turned off the phone. Okay, so ready to go to number seven? Staying quiet or stonewalling during an argument. We're not expressing how we really feel or giving the other person the opportunity to understand our side of the issue Ready for number eight. Yes. Okay, not forging your own path Traveling a life path that uniquely expresses who you [00:16:00] are what your passions are and what you desire is the embodiment of authentic living If you find yourself living a life for others and making life choices based on insecurity rather than true purpose Your authenticity will be negatively impacted. Number nine, not being humble. Interesting. MATT: That is interesting. Fawn: Being able to admit faults and one's mistakes leads to genuineness within self and in relationships. If you are frequently defending your position with others, not being introspective about your role in the situation, Or insecurely inflating your importance at the expense of others. Genuineness is lost. MATT: Insecurely inflating. Fawn: What do you think that means exactly? Insecurely inflating. Oh, so you're You're MATT: [00:17:00] not Fawn: You're putting yourself MATT: Centered, and you're, so you're saying, you're giving yourself heightened importance that you don't really believe. Fawn: Mm hmm. Or always saying, oh, I'm doing this great thing, or I did this great thing, or Yeah, in a way, it's kind of like lying, you know, kind of like fake it till you make it which is still lying By the way, I don't like that. I don't appreciate fake it till you make it. I'd rather be like, hey I don't know where I'm doing. This is where I am But this is where I'm planning and working on going to right? I can't fake it Anyway, I think that's a horrible piece of advice to give to people fake it till you make it Anyway, ready for number 10? Wait, I did say number 9, not being humble. Okay, number 10! Lack of empathy. Being able to understand someone else's emotional experience. And being open to their thoughts. [00:18:00] This versus being caught up in one's own is the foundation of empathy. MATT: Right. Yes. Absolutely. Fawn: When you're not empathetic, you don't give permission to the other person to be their most authentic self. We lose out on being our most genuine self by not opening to another's experience. Okay. And the final one, number 11. Not thinking for yourself, being easily swayed by others, and not sticking to your own values and beliefs. So thank you, Dr. Jennifer Huggins. Great last name. So, what do you think? MATT: What do I think? Well, I think the more you're authentic, the more you're mindful. And the more emotional intelligence you have, which takes us right into empathy. So this all slides together for me. The, keys to me are, really taking that [00:19:00] 360 view of yourself, 360 degree view of yourself, honestly, unabashedly, and keeping people around you who know where you've been and certainly have a great deal of empathy for you, but also give you a ration when you deserve it. And all that helps you become more and more authentic. Fawn: And that goes in sync with being humble, because if you're willing to hear The maybe not so great things about yourself from others perspective, you're more able to be flexible like bamboo, and bend and sway with the wind, and change. Or transform. Right. We don't like the word change. Transform. Right? MATT: Yes. I do find it interesting that the etymology was mid 14th century. So people weren't worried about authenticity before the 14th century? Is that when forgeries started happening? No. I Fawn: think that's just when. It is, it is MATT: interesting. Fawn: I just think that's when it became into the English [00:20:00] language. Why? Like that word came into the English language. I don't think it has anything to do with. Uh, ethics or how people were feeling. Why not? It's just a word. It's just a word. I'm sure there was another word before that, maybe, you know. MATT: Or people didn't worry about it because we lived in such small societies that if you weren't authentic, people quickly discovered that and you were ostracized. And so you were just that guy we don't trust. Not that you're inauthentic, but you're that guy we don't trust. Fawn: Yeah, maybe it also has to do with so much, that's vying for our attention. And when there's less of that, you're able to spot out the authentic. You have more time, perhaps, to see what's authentic and what's not. But if you don't have time to really, judge, or to research, or to investigate something. Right. And we, MATT: we talked about that today too. Yes, absolutely. Right here in my notes. Oh my goodness. No, in [00:21:00] order to, one of the techniques I think you can practice to become more authentic , and a way to determine that you are being more authentic is that you take time to develop your opinions. They're not just, you're not just echoing society. You're not just echoing a fragment of society. You're really trying to think for yourself. You're really looking inside of yourself at your in, your inner motivations. To try and figure out, how you feel, how you react, how you, everything. And these things allow you to, Not necessarily be less threatened by failure because you're following your heart. You're following your dream. You're following your path But they also allow you to forge that unique path Fawn: and speaking of forging your own unique path, you know Everyone has a different way of being everyone has a different timeline Some people are fast. Some people are slow, you know people move in different ways There's that 30 second elevator pitch that we always were told to have, [00:22:00] right, for our ideas. It seems like to me, let me know if I'm the only one thinking this or feeling this way, but it seems like the 30 second elevator pitch is now 15 seconds. What if you can't express yourself in words in 15 seconds? What if you're the kind of person that needs to show? Your idea, do you know what I'm saying? Well, what if you're relying on I'm sorry to interrupt But you're relying on buzzwords that everyone else knows, right? Yeah So then you're not authentic because you're using words Everybody else is using so you can communicate faster and quote unquote better to someone trying to express what your thing is You know what I'm saying? MATT: Often times what I end up running into is, I'll have my own deep seated belief, and we'll have ten minutes a day to talk over things, and I'll say, but we should do blah blah blah blah, and somebody else is going to have to let that marinate for a while, in order for it to make sense, and in some cases [00:23:00] it takes months for things to marinate. A person I work with, more junior developer, he finally came around to my way of thinking. But it took him six months, because I don't elevator pitch, I just walk my walk, and if you don't want to walk that walk, and I can't force you, because that's the other issue, if I have to convince you about something that you're dead set against, I'm not gonna, I'm not necessarily going to waste my time doing that, I'm just going to show you truth and hope that you get it at some point. Fawn: Yeah, definitely. Meanwhile, MATT: I'm just going to walk my truth. Fawn: But MATT: that's one of the things, I mean, we literally talked about this today. To us? At coffee today? I have my, I have my truth, and I want to share that. And you're like, no. You literally said don't share your truth. Fawn: I did not say that man. No, you know, it's interesting what you say comes out of my mouth [00:24:00] Those words did not those words did not MATT: come out of your mouth But you're like I'm seeing this as a reoccurring pattern figure out what's really gonna make you happy Right that you did say Fawn: yeah How is that the same as don't speak your truth? I know. I can see MATT: the path. I see it right there. Fawn: That, that has nothing to do with your truth. That has to do with you are reliving a pattern. Now, this is going off subject. But you're reliving a pattern every two years. You run into the same situation. And unless you, you take control or like clear that obstacle, you're gonna relive it and relive it until finally It could take, this is the last time, or it could take another eon for you to overcome that so you don't have to relive the same issue. That's what I was saying. I did not say, don't speak your truth. MATT: [00:25:00] I need to take time to develop my opinion and that's probably not going to happen by Tuesday. Fawn: Look, you asked me and I said, look, I had nothing to do. First of all, stop saying things I never said. See, where you going? This is why we fight. I did not say that. Matt is taking cover. I did not say that. Oh my god, we're so off track now. Anyway, what were you saying? Oh MATT: yeah, I was going to talk about bananas and cinnamon too. Bananas don't taste the same as they did when we were young. Fawn: How do you remember that? MATT: I didn't like bananas when I was young. And now I'm okay with bananas. Because bananas don't have a ton of flavor. Fawn: But wait a minute your taste buds change you I didn't like brussels sprouts and now I love them Oh, I hated avocados and now I really like it doesn't mean the avocado changed I changed MATT: but in this case I do know that the [00:26:00] bananas have changed because there was a banana blight but also cinnamon Right? Well, there are so many different varieties of cinnamon. You think your cinnamon in your cinnamon rolls that you get out of a vending machine are real cinnamon and they're not? Fawn: Oh, no. There's one cinnamon that's actually really bad for you. So we get true cinnamon. MATT: Right. But I'm talking about That's totally different. From a vending machine. Fawn: It's probably the, the junky stuff. MATT: It's right. Exactly. So even something that, you know, a spice. Isn't what we think it is because it's not part of a cinnamon tree or whatever. I think cinnamon's bark. But anyways, I know You did a lot of talking at the start So Fawn: I'm just saying everything is so complicated Everything is just like color like we like the grass is not green The blue is not a blue sky. The sky is not blue, right? It's all how there is no really real color It's only what our eyes see Relate to our brain and our brain [00:27:00] kind of distinguishes what something is. MATT: Talk about really dragging this off subject, right? Fawn: But it's the same thing. No, MATT: absolutely. Absolutely. And there are things that you can know you stop hearing as you age, too. Fawn: Oh my god, I don't want to talk about this. This really bothers me, this part. Okay, go on. So what were you saying? What do you mean? So, so, okay, so bananas taste different. MATT: Bananas do taste different and cinnamon isn't. So what about it? Well, genuine. And you were talking about perfume and the scent of a lilac. Hold on a second, Fawn: but is, does that mean, are you saying bananas are now synthetic? MATT: Um, well, bananas, all bananas are clones now. Because they take one banana plant and they splice it and splice it and splice it. Fawn: I think that's transformation. It's still coming from nature. It's, it's not in a test tube. It's not in a lab. It's not in a MATT: lab. What I'm talking about is petrol chemicals. They're genetically very [00:28:00] identical. Fawn: Is it different though? Then, I mean, is it the same? Are you saying it's the same? It's the same plant. But is it the same as something that is now man made? No, MATT: I don't know. It isn't, but. So Fawn: it's, it's not synthetic. So it's still It's just transformed. It's a little bit different than MATT: It is. Fawn: Ingenuine. MATT: It is, but I also wanted to talk about Is that Fawn: a word? Ingenuine? MATT: Disingenuous? Disingenuous. There you go. Thank you. Anyways, and I also wanted to talk about how, like, people who wear perfume, over time it's more and more and more and more because they want to smell it. And they stopped smelling it. Fawn: Yeah, because your nose, and this goes back to Aveda. Can I interject? Or, I'm sorry, go ahead. Yeah, of course. MATT: No, no, no. These are just intended to spark Fawn: So, at Aveda, I worked with the scientists. They had their own floor, and it was really cool going into the labs, and, they were constantly smelling, you know, we had the nose, [00:29:00] you know, the person with the scent. Mm hmm. There were always petri dishes of coffee, coffee beans everywhere. Right? So they, and I, again, I'm sorry, I've said this before. I forget what the number was. I think it's seven. After seven times of smelling something, you need to reset, like a computer, you need to reboot. So you need to take the petri dish of coffee, take a, you know, sniff it out. And that coffee clears. Right. Right. Your, your sense of smell. So you can start over again. So you have a fresh palate again, to be able to decipher between different scents. Right? I forgot what I was saying. Oh! How, when you do smell the real thing, you immediately have this knowing, this is real. Right. Your body never forgets, even if you've never been exposed to it ever. If all you've [00:30:00] ever known has been something synthetic, when you come across the real deal, you know it, much like a person meeting a friend that is true. You know immediately and then you start noticing immediately the disingenuous ones, right? That's the beauty of, really. Being open hearted, we were reading the Rumi poem, The Guest House. Mm hmm. Which, by the way, can we read this at that for one second? No MATT: way, man. Fawn: Okay, never mind. Is it too complicated? MATT: It is. Go ahead. Fawn: Well, we were saying, like, whoa. He, Rumi was basically saying, have your heart and arms open to, who ever shows up in your life and with martial arts, with Aikido, we were trained to have a circle and be very careful about who enters your circle. Don't allow just anyone to enter your circle. And I was [00:31:00] thinking, well, the great sages like Rumi, but like the great mystics and other great mystics besides Rumi, religious, luminaries out there would say, um, Open your home, because it's all, it's an opportunity for you to establish yourself as a beautiful host. So it goes even to a biblical sense, you are greeted by a stranger who needs food, who comes in. And, they come in with muddy boots, and they eat everything you have, and they put their muddy boots all over your furniture, and when it's time to sleep, without even asking, they take your bed, you know, your bedroom, your bed, and then they leave things a mess. But you're still honorable, and you're still a good host. You don't, disrespect them, you don't say no to them, and in a way, isn't that the way we should be? with one [00:32:00] another, especially as parents, because you can't be, so judgmental about what kind of person you're going to give birth to. It's going to be this completely, wholly, their own person coming through. So, can you be an open hearted, open minded friend? Can you be an open minded, open hearted parent that will accept this experience? Person for everything that they are and not be so judgmental. And I feel like when we were talking on our podcast episode about Rumi, right? We were like, no. Uh oh. , we need to stand back. , get outta here. Get outta here. No. Did we sound like that? Don't remember. I don't know. What do you guys think? Did we sound like that? You guys listening? Did we sound like I'm sorry if we did. I don't know. So how do you feel about that, by the way? Are revisiting that for a second? Because I'm still, I'm [00:33:00] still stuck somewhere between Aikido MATT: Balance Fawn: And, yeah, well, that's an easy answer that doesn't really tell me anything Yay! That's a very political rebuttal MATT: Well, I'm being inauthentic or disingenuous Fawn: You're, you're stonewalling I am stonewalling I'm learning new words Oh dear You're stonewalling I MATT: am, because I'm taking the time to develop my opinion Fawn: Well, to be genuine, like I said, I genuinely do not want to pick anyone up from the airport anymore. Do not ask me to pick you up from the airport, or take you to the airport. No. MATT: Oh dear. Fawn: Nope. Mm mm. That's my genuine self. So, being genuine like that. No, I'm tired. I'm sorry. I'm, I'm, I will not just let anyone in anymore. I used to be open completely. Well, okay then, there you go. But as my genuine, Fawn self, even though I'm all about the art of friendship, [00:34:00] Mmm, I'm not totally open hearted like that. To let some, someone who will like come in and destroy stuff and be like open to it? No, mm mm. I'm more, what's the word? Um, more where you're judgy a little bit, what's the word called? Mm mm. MATT: You could call it guarded, but Fawn: um, no, it starts with a D. What's the word with a D? This is not disintegrating. I'm more MATT: disingenuous. No, we've talked about that one a number of times Fawn: deciphering Deciphering. MATT: Okay, Fawn: right? Okay. Anyway moving on back on track. What were you talking about? MATT: The trick I think though with being authentic is we have to pick those people Especially the people close to us and show them who we really are which is so difficult because once again allow me to just Lump all the problems of society on social [00:35:00] media because everybody on social media is living their best lives is living this Kind of arcing towards the perfect life and apparently there's only one I guess I don't know like if you're not Taylor Swift Are you a failure if you're on and on and on if you're not as beautiful as so and so if you're not as well Fawn: It's very rich It's one way of being you're always Perfectly made out. You're always looking gorgeous. You're always having the perfect meal. You're always in the perfect light. MATT: Well, I am, but thank you. Thank you for noticing. Fawn: It's, uh, it's not showing everything. MATT: Right. It's not showing everything. It's not being authentic. And yet, you managed to garner likes. You managed to, but again, this is the trick. Because you don't risk, you don't reap the same rewards. And you don't Ultimately speaking, really, I think, learn the same lessons and, you end up following the path instead of finding [00:36:00] your own. Fawn: But what if you're thinking of it as what you focus on grows? So I'm focusing only on the beautiful light, only on looking good, only on the happy moments to create more of that, no So, MATT: but are you creating? saccharin happy moments that everybody would say wow, that's a happy moment whereas for you maybe a happy moment is Yeah, Fawn: it has to be genuine. Oh my god. MATT: I found a peanut. I mean that could be a happy I don't know You're right. You're wow. Look at that red dog. I see the difference. Fawn: I totally see the difference I'm, just thinking I was thinking like if they're actually showing happiness, it's because they're showing happiness. But yeah, you're right You As soon as the camera is off, they may be like frowning, or it's just for show. MATT: Right, or it's like, they're like, Chocolate tahini? That's just wrong! Or who knows. Fawn: Okay, so moving on. Huh? Moving on. What else, what are you saying? Are you done with all your notes? MATT: I might be done with all my [00:37:00] notes. Fawn: Taking it to friendship. A genuine friend for me is Oh, I just had this thought before we were What were we just now talking about? What did you say? MATT: The red dog? The peanut? Fawn: Before that. MATT: There's no absolutes. There's no one best. There's a Zen story about a butcher. Somebody walks into his butcher shop and says, Give me your best cut of meat. And the butcher says, all my cuts are best, because best is such a subjective term, because, and again, Zen Cone, so it goes wherever you choose to take it, but one of the places you certainly can take it is, what's best for you right now, or what's best, yeah, what's best for you right now? Fawn: You know, okay, so taking it to friendship, and taking it to being genuine, authentic, Now, I want to say something, but I want to preface it [00:38:00] by saying I'm actually quite, What's the word when you're shy about stuff? Like, it means reserved. I'm very, like, MATT: Conservative? Fawn: No, not conservative. I'm not conservative. But, I'm modest. I feel modest. I feel modest. Modest is good. So, bear in mind I'm still modest, and I'm going to describe myself in such a way that may seem like I'm not. I am actually, like, super shy. But, as far as being genuine, in friendship especially, I feel like I felt this way all of my life because I come from a family that wasn't genuine. So from the beginning, I always thought it was quite interesting, the behaviors that I was noticing. So, I, naturally was always the opposite of that and maybe that's why it was good for me to grow up in the family that I grew up with because from the beginning, having memories. I knew my way of being like, this is me. [00:39:00] I'm not going to say these things. I'm not going to block this way of emotion. I'm just going to be who I am, And so. I feel like I am a nudist walking around completely naked no makeup, no mask, no superficiality. This is who I am because I feel that I have so much I want to say and do, I don't have the energy to put up a front, to stonewall or to lie, because then I have to keep track of whatever it is that was said or not said. And relating it to friendship. When I show you everything, I'm showing you everything without any walls, and as I have gotten older and have made so many friends and unmade so many friends. And not that I'm the one who unmade it, a lot of people left, because they couldn't, they couldn't handle my tears. They couldn't handle me not putting up a face that they did. [00:40:00] You know, like, and it was never that I was accusatory of someone else. It was like I am feeling this and they couldn't handle it. Well, MATT: there's an uncomfortableness when someone is being authentic around you and you know you're not. Fawn: Some of the authenticity is, is difficult to handle for other people. It triggers them. MATT: Yes, very much. Fawn: And then they disappear and that's fine. But you have to know that it happens to everybody. So when it happens, it's very painful when people disappear like that. Right. But, um, just keep going. Just keep going because there are others of us out there who can appreciate. They're the number three friends Nico Machian Ethics of friendship, The number three friend loves you for all of it. You're Ugly days, without makeup days without right, without laughter days It's all a beautiful Package and nothing lasts forever You So, laughter , [00:41:00] rosy, sunny days don't last forever. You get days that are like, all seasons. The moon rises and sets, the sun rises and sets. You have all the shades and all the colors of a rainbow that are infinitely going to one shade to another. There's more to life than we can see. There's a lot happening. So there's not one thing. To be authentically a good friend, or to be an authentic friend , we need to remember that infinity type existence. That things are forever changing. To honor that, to respect that, and not be so triggered by it and not take it so personally. MATT: To quote Hitch, the movie, with Will Smith. Fawn: Oh, it's been so long. It MATT: has, hasn't it? And it's a dating movie, and People want to get to know the real you. Maybe not all at once, but they want to know the real you. So [00:42:00] That's where I come to it from, as I'm making friends, I'm very quick to point out my own things I should be humble about, and very slow to notice those about others until they show me and tell me. And if you don't tell me and show me, then we're not deepening anything, so people want to get to know the real you, so show them. Fawn: Cool. Thanks for listening, everybody. We shall see you, talk to you, in a few days, and if you need us before then, reach out to us, have a beautiful every day. MATT: Be well.