“Protective Identity Culture: How Fear, Fashion, and Friendship Reflect a Society on Guard”

“Protective Identity Culture: How Fear, Fashion, and Friendship Reflect a Society on Guard” In this episode of Our Friendly World with Fawn and Matt, we explore how our modern culture of protection is shaping the way we live, dress, and connect. From armored fashion trends and massive SUVs to emotional walls and social tribes, Fawn and Matt unpack what it means to live in a world where everyone seems to be bracing for battle. Why do we crave belonging yet fear vulnerability? How does our need for safety influence not just our choices—but our friendships, our art, and our sense of identity? Together, Fawn and Matt invite us to look deeper at how “protective identity” shows up in our everyday lives and what it takes to stay open-hearted in an age of self-defense. A conversation filled with honesty, cultural insight, and gentle humor—reminding us that awareness, curiosity, and kindness are the strongest forms of protection we have. protective identity, emotional armor, modern friendship, fear culture, social connection, belonging and identity, vulnerability, emotional resilience, cultural commentary podcast, friendship podcast, Our Friendly World, Fawn and Matt, societal trends, protective fashion, fear and community, friendship and trust #OurFriendlyWorld #FawnAndMatt #FriendshipPodcast #ProtectiveIdentity #ModernCulture #FearAndBelonging #EmotionalArmor #Vulnerability #HumanConnection #SocietyAndCulture #Authenticity #KindnessMatters #EmotionalResilience #ConsciousLiving #CulturalTrends #ConnectionOverFear #FriendshipMatters Protective Identity Culture FAWN: [00:00:00] Hello. Hello. Welcome back to a Friendly World everybody. What's happening? I've been noticing lately I've been noticing, period. Um, something that I noticed a long time ago when I was living in la this is before everybody had SUVs. This is before all the big cars. You know, most of the cars were pretty low to the ground. And simple. Right? Right. In that time, in LA there were a lot of, carjackings and I was sitting there at work one day and I thought, I wish there were big cars. Especially for someone little like me, like someone who's short. Wouldn't it be nice to have a leg up, like be taller than everybody else in traffic even, you know? And that way you, you have a better vantage point. But also if someone is trying to come up and like carjack you. You are higher than they are. [00:01:00] It's kind of hard to get in car. You MATT: can bonk 'em with the door FAWN: y you know, you are just higher. You can see better. MATT: Mm-hmm. FAWN: You are better protected. So I had this thought, and then a few years later, I swear SUV started coming out. You know, I always have these thoughts and then it comes up in fashion. It comes up in our culture, you know, years before, right. Years before. I had no influence. I don't MATT: think car design is a spooky one because they literally planned the models of cars like five years out. I'm not even kidding. FAWN: Yeah. This was about, yeah, it was at least five years. It could have been like more than five years that I was thinking about this. Mm-hmm. I don't know. I don't know. I mean, I could be wrong. It could be just my own egotistical thoughts, like I am the one who came up with the idea of higher cars, bigger cars. But I also noticed that what I was doing was when I would go out, I would, [00:02:00] and this is long before I started training in the martial arts, but before I went out, I would think of how I would. maneuver in a combat situation. So I always thought about what kind of shoes I'm wearing, what kind of clothes. Can they get ripped off me. Can they get snagged? Like it was almost militar, how do you say it, militaristic. MATT: That works. FAWN: I also do that with packing, you've noticed? Yes. Since we've been together. Yes. MATT: But let's cycle back to the whole you were getting ready for a date and do it. Dang. And I dated this one, folks. Wait, did FAWN: I say date? No, I did not say date. I said when I was going out, like, yeah, no, what I mean was going out into the world, like if I was going to work or if I was going, okay. Okay. MATT: I don't feel so targeted. FAWN: No. If I was going anywhere with anybody. And maybe that's, that's typical of how I felt in our culture. Mm-hmm. You know, and yeah. I mean, now I, [00:03:00] it's even worse because I always think, well, you know, I always think, okay, where's the escape route? Like if something should happen, right. Or, um, I have to put my feelers out. Is there gonna be a shooting here today? You know, it's sad, right? But I remember being a kid and people telling us, you know, it's so sad for firemen because wherever they go, their first instinct is to always look for an escape route. And they thought, isn't that tragic? I'm like, is it? Because, I mean, that's how I thought as a kid. I don't know why and, and I MATT: did not at all, but also like a cop, when he enters into a building, he won't sit with his back to the door. FAWN: But I wanna say, don't we all kind of, don't we all do that? Because in America there is a mass shooting every day. We don't even talk about it anymore. MATT: Right? FAWN: [00:04:00] It's. Okay, nevermind. Let me just switch. Okay. So, but that leads us today, , the topic today is how we build like tanks around ourselves, protection. , I saw this, uh, term, protective identity You know how I was saying I paid attention to what I wore? Mm-hmm. Just in case, right? I had a kung fu moment. So this is what's happening on the runways. This is just out the fashion shows just wrapped up, I think. But fashion is signaling protective identity. if you look at it, all the clothes are like the Civil War. Yes. 19th Century Revolution. French Revolution. Yes. Yeah. The resurgence of military style jackets and, the armor. MATT: Right. And also there's been, uh, I think an uptick in like olive green wear Yeah. And like crisp lines and pockets for women on a blouse. FAWN: Hmm. MATT: Because then that helps [00:05:00] conceal. FAWN: But you know, it, it's, I was told a long time ago, I don't know who told me this, and then I saw it all over the place. As I grew older, someone warned me, I think it was an art teacher, that when there's no art, that's when you should panic. Society. I wanna say, yeah, there's art now, but it's total crap. The what Good movie can you point to like we're a huge movie family. We have movie nights all the time. That's what we do. But everything is terrible aside from the Korean shows. They are so brilliant. Oh dear. I love them anyway, but like, do you know what I'm saying? There's nothing, I don't know. Maybe it's just my, I'm, I'm making a blanket statement. I'm not fair. You know, like even the music, it MATT: depends on what you're looking for. If you're looking for a palette cleanser, you're looking for something that's simple and insipid, you can find these things. FAWN: I dunno, [00:06:00] I what, what movie can you point to that says that's a great work of art right there. It seems like it's, everything is phoned in. It's, it's just terrible, stupid, MATT: or it's a sequel. FAWN: All this reminds me of what that teacher said. Pay attention to when art goes away. It's indicative of a major depression. MATT: You're right. However, I will say in the music front, my style of music is chunking along as it ever was, and there's some really good stuff coming out. FAWN: Well, I'm glad to hear that. Nothing MATT: from America though. It's all European. FAWN: Well, hello. That's what I'm saying. H we're saying MATT: no good. And I'm saying, alright, because I'm seeing it over there. FAWN: Hello, because I'm, I'm in America. Of course, you know, that's what I'm surrounded with. So that's, that's my. Right. MATT: But the interwebs gives [00:07:00] us the freedom to experience life from other places. But FAWN: what am I being fed, you know? The algorithms that are coming at me. Ha. MATT: No algorithms on me, baby. Right. FAWN: Good for you, babe. No, seriously. I wish I was like that, but yeah, no, they, I'm definitely being targeted there. But it all, it all shows how every day feels like you're bracing for battle in some way. Yeah. I, I will say MATT: there is a lot of protection and a lot of, um, I wanna belong to a tribe, but I can't find one. There is a lot of that going on, FAWN: but, and also not trusting, which is another show for another day. We don't trust neighbors anymore. I don't, I, I just, I don't know. It, it just feels, it just feels bad. I'm just noticing it again this wall, this protection. Big cars, right? Um, then it was the big homes, McMansions, [00:08:00] um, big clothes, big clothes, you don't see flowing, outfits where you're embracing whatever shape your body is. everything is very, protected, MATT: right? FAWN: We need to protect emotionally. How does that come up? And with our relationships, I'm way more protected Now, I'll tell you that., We have a Friendship podcast, but there's a reason why I'm talking about, what I'm talking about is I'm not feeling it. I'm way more discerning now than I've ever been in my entire life. I am not. That open-hearted person I used to be, maybe I'm still open-hearted, but compared to what I was, no. I felt so much disappointment. Absolutely, MATT: yes. FAWN: But I'm still looking at, Hey, why is this happening? What is making this happen? Am I using this time where I'm just like, okay, I'm just gonna stay away from most people as a time to [00:09:00] center myself and make sure I'm healthy in all ways, spiritually, everything. And it's hard. It's hard right now because honestly, raising kids right now it's quite the challenge because again, it's a battle because there's so, there are forces out there that are trying to eliminate me as a mother, MATT: right? And also I think the kids can be especially susceptible to the messages of mass media. And mass media is shifting from a FAWN: completely brainwashed, MATT: from a, you know, everybody is special to, it feels like it's starting to shift to some people are more special than others FAWN: and that's the danger of feeling like you are special or what, what the kids are feeling like is they are special; they're the only ones who feel that they're alone. They're the only ones who feel that they have this problem. They're the only ones who are going through what they're going through. But meanwhile, everybody's going through it, right? But they [00:10:00] feel like they're special. They're the only one. And they also feel, I think the, the messaging that's out there is that you are doomed. Your future is screwed. The world is over. Everything is bad. You have no hope. There's no future for you, for anyone. Everything is doomed. And I think that's one of the main reasons why kids are so depressed and so freaking out, and their freak out manifests in so many ways, not being comfortable in their bodies. Right. You know? And then that you have. People telling them, well, this is why you're feeling uncomfortable. It's because of this. And then they end up doing horrible things to themselves. Right. In an MATT: attempt to bring them into their tribe. FAWN: Yes. I think that's it, man. Which honestly, MATT: part of the biggest part of protective identity to me is it's like camouflage. So if I am in a black Lexus ish, [00:11:00] SUV, i'm certainly seen as a little upper class, but I can blend into Audis. I can blend into Porsches. I can blend. All of a sudden, you know, my tribe is a little bigger and I'm a little bit more anonymous, as opposed to if I'm driving an orange Volkswagen Beetle, I stand out. I'm an individual. Individualism is, it looks like it's getting pushed down a little bit. FAWN: Oh my God, Matt, you just blew my mind. That's exactly at the core of it. It what is really happening is wanting to be part of a family. A a I wanna be part of a tribe, MATT: or I don't want to be an individual. It's a combination of the two things. I don't wanna stand out. Australia. Tall poppy is the one that gets chopped and put in the, uh, bouquet. Don't wanna be a tall poppy. FAWN: Wow. MATT: Yeah. Alright. Uh, and then the key, then the other key is, is that, so now all of a sudden I'm tooling around in my black Lexus [00:12:00] SUV, you know, I know on the back it says it's the hybrid model with the bigger engine or with the extended range. And so people in the know, people in my tribe can look at me and say, well, maybe he is kind of special. FAWN: Oh, this goes back to what we were talking about last week about, about labels, MATT: but the whole, the whole rest of the world doesn't necessarily see that. FAWN: Yeah. Yeah, exactly. That's what what's happening with our kids. There are these labels and color combinations or whatever, and they're like, that's what that means. It's like you gotta be MATT: in the FAWN: note. Everything is hijacked I feel like to be some meaning. MATT: And if we circle back to a, a very militaristic point of view, if you look at modern day military uniforms, like for the US. If you know where to look, you can see the insignia. And if you know how to discern it, you know what they are. You know that they're a colonel. Oh my god. Or a sergeant or a, or a corporal. Wow. But they're still part of the army. You are part of the an Army Dior [00:13:00] army. FAWN: You're part of the, you're MATT: part of that crew, the FAWN: trans army or whatever, whatever it is, Republican, Democrat, you know, MATT: in, in, in the metal world, there's a fashion statement called the battle jacket. Oh, the battle jacket is like a Levi's vest and you put patches all over it. And so then you're identified, but then each individual patch represents like a band you like, and so all of a sudden, and if it's a really unique one, then all of a sudden and you gain status based on this ridiculousness. FAWN: Now I go back to my friend Dudley in junior high. Because, you know, we, I, I always talk to the family about how there was always some gang activity and there were certain weeks that were heightened and we all had to be on lockdown, MATT: right? FAWN: And, um. You couldn't wear red, you couldn't wear blue. Right? But like all these, all these labels, right? And I remember Dudley, my friend Dudley going, should I just like walk around with a white [00:14:00] flag and wear all white with my hands out? What? What do we do? And because you don't know what anything means and if you are like MATT: Right, and it it, when we were kids, it gets even worse. There was a, everybody wore Reebok ta-da, and then a shoe got released called a British Knight, but it was bk. And that stood for blood killer or it didn't FAWN: What MATT: exactly. And you hear about these things and then you're like. I don't, I don't know what I should or shouldn't be doing. FAWN: And if you're someone like me who is kind of clueless, you're just like, oh, I like that. I'm gonna wear that. Right. You have no idea. What you're representing. Yeah. MATT: God knows all the silly things that I represented when I was a teenager. Oh my God. FAWN: Oh, well, I, I really didn't know what the Pink Triangle was. MATT: Yeah, me too. I got my story about that one. Oh, yeah. Tooling around in college. Pink triangle all day, every day. I stepped up my mother FAWN: jacket in, in college, walked around, and now I'm like, that's [00:15:00] why I was getting hit on left and right. MATT: Nobody hit on me. I'm a little hurt of FAWN: the same sex, you know, like. Fellow women, they're like, I'm looking for a female friend. I'm like, yeah, we need to stick together. You know, we need female friendships. Yes, we do, but I have no idea what they were talking about. Mm-hmm. Until years later. Like, I'm just slow like that. Like years later, I'm in the shower by myself. I'm like, oh, that's what that meant. Oh, that's what she was trying to say to me. Clueless fawn. Oh, well I'm still that way. Yeah. I hate that. How can I be smarter, Matt? MATT: Unfortunately, you have to know everything about everything and that's impossible. I, I mean, 'cause people invent new, new factions rise up and disappear. Different meanings come across. We don't know. FAWN: And it's a zeitgeisty thing too. I remember in third grade, all of a sudden I was doodling. I started playing around [00:16:00] with I think XS or something like that, and then I turned it and I was doodling and I didn't realize I was making a swastika, MATT: right. FAWN: I was drawing one. MATT: Mm-hmm. FAWN: Now, I don't know how it happened, but next to me was my friend Tim, and he drew it too. And I looked and I thought, oh my God, he drew it too. It was something that was like in my psyche that was like making me doodle the last, like right few days in that time period. And then all of a sudden the the teacher, yep, the teacher's aide came over and saw his swastika. Meanwhile, I'm the one that's Jewish. And she in such a loving, oh, I loved this teacher, by the way, because once I started to do something on the playground and instead of scolding me and yelling at me, she in the kindest way told me, Hey, you're being mean right now. This person wanted to do was, uh, compliment your necklace and touch it. Meanwhile, I'm like, that's mine. [00:17:00] Don't touch it. You know what I'm saying? Right. But in such a loving way to this day, I'm like, I can say it with kindness, you know, like, wow. But with such kindness, she said she was asking about the swastika. Mm-hmm. But she said, you know, you this shouldn't, you should not draw this. And gave him like a very gentle talking to. Mm-hmm. Thank goodness I was there. 'cause I didn't know what it meant. Right? I was like, oh, oh my God. I had no idea. But like it's interesting what labels, what, what influences come around us. Sometimes it's subliminal, MATT: sometimes FAWN: subconscious, super subconscious. Guys, I don't know. And all this. Going back to friendship, like what is affecting us? What is bringing us together? What is separating us? What is making us turn off from a group or a person? We're [00:18:00] not even maybe conscious of it, but there's so much happening. MATT: Yes. FAWN: What do we do? MATT: Well, you get into your little friend unit or your comfortable unit or your Lexus, and you go with that pack because there's safety in numbers. FAWN: What do you do when you feel like you have no pack? Like I'm in here pretty much in the basement most of the time, just, you know, working, MATT: gonna have to buy you a Lexus. Oh. And I'm kidding, but I'm not kidding. You know, you, you, in some cases there are, you know, there's a income level requirement to join certain groups. FAWN: Well, yeah. Why are you saying we're gonna have to buy you a, we can't afford A lexis. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. But no, but the, but I don't wanna do that. You know, I'm trying to come out of that army brigade. What's a brigade? I'm trying to come out of that feeling like every day you're getting ready for battle, you're going in for, you're bracing yourself for battle. Right. [00:19:00] And that is collectively raising blood pressures and mm-hmm. Creating disease in so many ways. Yep. Not only is just a social disease of feeling lonely and not feeling like you have friends or a community to be a part of. Right. You are by yourself and you know it's not true though. It's not, we have to step out of it. I just keep seeing so many things. For example, so many people that leave one situation go to another, they're like, oh, I didn't realize what kind of situation I was in until we left. Right. You know, got this other perspective. Now we know. Yes. MATT: Yeah. And that, that's happened to me any number of times. Absolutely. It FAWN: happens to me all the time, and thank goodness, like, you know, I have a Wendy. She's like, actually that's not true. I'm like, you're right. I've been listening to this one thing, or I've been, I've been immersed in this one thought, right? And bombarded by it as well. So [00:20:00] thank you. More than ever guys, we need to reach out and gaine different perspective. What was that movie where he stood on a table to get a different perspective? The teacher. Oh, Goodwill Hunting De Poet Society. No, Dead Poet Society. You're right. Yeah. Anyway, so, um, what were you gonna say though? 'cause I was like, let's talk about this. That was a lot of what I was gonna say. Did you, did you, you actually got out what you wanted to say. Yes. Amazing. MATT: Yes. I know. I'm a brilliant seguer. FAWN: So, all right. What should we do? What should we focus on to make things better? Matt? MATT: Man. Wow. Boom. I wish I had a really succinct. Well, I, beautiful. Nothing, I think, I think the essence of it is stay curious, try and stay yourself. Matt, you say that to every episode. Exactly. Because that's key to me FAWN: and for me, the thing I always say as well is, Hey, as long as we come [00:21:00] to a realization that this is happening. I think that's enough to change things. Hopefully it, it, it's a good start. MATT: Yeah. And yeah, be curious. Pull away from yourself every once in a while and really question why are you doing whatever it is you're doing. And you know, it could be as simple as, um, you know, walking out the front door, whistling a tune. Who knows? FAWN: I like the French culture of wherever you go, you acknowledge the person you're seeing by saying, hello. Like you go into a store, even if you're desperate to like hurry up and get something, you always first thing, acknowledge a human being and say hello. Especially the person at the shop who's there, right. Working. Right. Mm-hmm. Hello. And that's a good start. MATT: Okay. FAWN: Acknowledge. Alright. MATT: Sounds good. FAWN: All righty then. Have a beautiful every day MATT: be well.