Episode Transcript
Fawn and Matt: [00:00:00] Hello? Hello? Hello? Ooh. Hello. Hello, baby. How you doing? Good. How you doing? All right. Hmm. Yeah. Yeah.
FAWN: Welcome back to our Friendly World everybody. Hello. How are you doing? Hello. Hello. Matt and I were at coffee yesterday. Trying to stay positive. We were out in the morning. We had an actual coffee date together. It's
MATT: so much easier to be positive first thing in the morning, I tell you
FAWN: It is. How did we even come up on the subject of kindness again, because we've definitely done shows on kindness in particular, but mm-hmm. Like we should really discuss this right now again, not to repeat ourselves, but to explore it with new information having to do with today and everything that everyone seems to be going through.
MATT: Right.
FAWN: Like when you're going through dark times, things are really hard. There's always someone like [00:01:00] an angel I wanna say, but like there's always kindness around Anyway. How did we even start talking about this together yesterday? I don't even remember. Well,
MATT: okay, for starters context, we had some grim news on, uh, Friday.
Uh, so this has put us in a, let's say, less positive head space. Ooh, look at me. Word spinning.
FAWN: We're trying to stay positive,
MATT: and so remembering other, uh, periods of time where things were not as positive. There was, there was always a, somebody out there, there was always a, some even like a, something out there that made it better.
And, and I started arguing that, you know, we can, we can always point at the big things. Big things are, you know, pointing out the big moments of kindness are easy. Pointing out the [00:02:00] little kindnesses is a lot harder because we don't remember them as time goes by.
FAWN: Also in the midst of things, in the thick of things, you may be able to see the kindness or even hear the
kindness. But it's hard to even hold onto it because when you're in the midst of the storm, it may fly around and fly away from your thoughts or from your vision. Right. You know what I'm saying? Mm-hmm. So it's really important to really slow down the kindness that comes by. And by slowing it down, I mean like just hold onto it.
Make sure you put it in your pocket. Right.
MATT: Right. Be pa. Yeah. Be present to it, for sure.
FAWN: Yeah. And every time you go back to the fear mode. Go into your pocket and hold onto that. Right. [00:03:00] And you know the whole thing of, um, when you're going through, hell keep going.
MATT: Yes.
FAWN: So when you need to keep going and you feel like, oh my God, I just can't, I can't even see straight, go into your pocket.
Right. Right. And then I was like, you know, we should go through and like just talk about the weird kind things that popped up for us in particular in the past to honor them, but also to remember, so you, you pointed to something. I don't now. I, what was it that you brought up? I'm like, oh, I totally forgot about that.
Oh, we saw the dogs, we saw these big like, um.
MATT: Ziggy and Marley.
FAWN: Ziggy and Marley, what kind, what are those dogs called? I idea. They really no idea.
MATT: They're super cute. Long hair.
FAWN: Really big brown and yellow with lots of hair. It's like a chocolate brown, like Saint Bernards kind of looking like dogs. Like those dogs that rescue [00:04:00] you on the Alps with like from the cartoons, uh, brandy, you know, with a barrel of brandy hanging from their collar.
So we saw those dogs walk by and you're like, oh my God. Do you remember when we lived in that place? The human of these dogs gave us all these, they weren't Legos, but they were like those things you clicked together. They might been
MATT: duplo, but
FAWN: what? Um, but he gave us like this huge bag of them.
At a time where we had no money and we were like, things were really hard for us. Right? And he's just like, Hey, uh, we were just going through our stuff and our kids are older now, and I think L was just born right? And um mm-hmm. He's like, here, here. Here's for you guys. I think. Right. I would appreciate this.
I'm like, oh my goodness. And we had those for years. We did. I think we just recently, [00:05:00] what, how many years later? Like 10. Yeah. We have a hard,
MATT: we have a hard time getting into stuff.
FAWN: Well, no, we are not like hoarders, but we take good care of our toys, especially like, because they're so sentimental. And, and that was also associated with kindness.
Mm-hmm. So we take good care of our books and our toys and everything we have. We don't have a lot, but um. We just take good care of things. Like we don't just toss things away anyway. But yeah, that was, I for forgot, I had forgotten all about that and I think that's what started our conversation about, I forgot that that guy did that.
Right. And it wasn't just a little bit, it was a massive amount of duplos. Mm-hmm.
MATT: Yes, it was.
FAWN: It was really like an abundance of riches.
MATT: And he went out of his way.
FAWN: He did. Yeah. I didn't even carry all that because I never saw him in a car and he had the dogs and I don't know. [00:06:00] And then, you know, I don't know.
I, I wanna bring, I, I wanna bring up the past and like talk about kind people that did amazing things, but I don't wanna go there, Matt, because I feel like I'm gonna go to a heavier place. Right. And I'm really trying hard to not be heavy. Right. And not cry.
MATT: Okay, so let's, let's, I've got a couple of nice instances here that have nothing whatsoever to do with, 'cause I spent some time thinking about kindness.
Now, keep in mind, of course, kindness we're, I'm, I'm personally differentiating that from people who are nice. Okay. And for me, nice is someone who is polite, pleasant and agreeable.
FAWN: Well, we did a show. Nice versus is kind. Yes. Remember? Yes. Yes, we did. Nice is not good. No.
MATT: Well, no, no, no. There not necessarily.
There's nothing wrong with Nice. Nice is fine. Be with, you know, if you start a new job and you're, you're meeting your coworkers for the first time. Not again, neighbors for the first time. Nice is good. You don't want them [00:07:00] mean, and they, and they don't know you, so
FAWN: I don't know you.
MATT: There you go. So you want them this way.
I'm really thinking about certain moments that really, in hindsight meant a lot to me, and one of them is. So imagine here I am. I'm 17. I'm angry. I'm angry all the time. No, was I 17? I was either 16 or 17. I think I might have been 16, so I was even angrier.
And anyways, for whatever reason. I went to mostly 'cause my sister did, uh, I went to A-Y-M-C-A summer camp and it was like a training ish thing for like CITs counselors and training and whatnot. And I went and I was still being my angry self. I just, you know, I wanna listen to my [00:08:00] iTunes and my whatevers and Tom Cram. Tom.
Was there with his wife Gwen, and their son Wesley, and I forget a lot of people. Okay. I've forgotten a lot of names over the years, but like, they took me into their cabin. Gwen treated me just like I was, I don't know. Not her son. That's, that's a bit much, but. I could tell. Delighted to see me, delighted to hear what I had to say, made me feel important, if that makes sense.
And Tom had these eyes that could just look right through you, like bore right into your soul and really see who you were and, and, and the fact that they didn't, you know, oh my God, look at the time we've gotta get going. Or I've gotta put little Wesley down. 'cause Wesley was like 1-year-old. No. [00:09:00] It was amazing.
It was. It was so incredibly nice. Okay, instance number two, again. 16 or 17. Hey, I guess I'm really feeling juvenile today, but here we are, 16 or 17. Go to an Iron Maiden show. Oh yeah. Follow the tour. Follow a tour bus after the show. Because we heard there be a great party there. So we followed it all through Hollywood and whatnot, and stopped at this place.
One person got off and it was, it was the bass player, Steve Harris, who was the guy who I was like, oh my God, he is so awesome. Um, and you know, he had just done a show. He had yada, yada, yada. When he saw, when I was like, Steve. When he saw me, the, the smile that he gave now supposedly, [00:10:00] you know, he is called Sergeant Major Harris, all sorts of things, right?
And, you know, he's very, he's a very exacting kind of person. But the kindness he showed us, he, he again, looked right at me, shook my hand, signed autographs, the whole bit. Yeah, it was, it was, it was a, it was an awesome moment. It was, it was. It still leaves me speechless and now I can meet anybody. I don't care who you are.
I literally couldn't talk to him. That's how excited I was. I was like, I was the biggest idiot and he was so kind.
But um, and now I can meet anybody 'cause it doesn't matter because you know, who are you compared to? This guy was my total idol. Sound. So there's two.
FAWN: I have one too. I mean, I have a lot As you as I'm thinking about it, I'm like, really? It's on a daily [00:11:00] basis. It it comes up exactly. And I think it's like what you focus on grows.
Mm-hmm. But it's already grown. It's already there. There's such an abundance of kindness out there that they just need attention. They need to be acknowledged. And I think the more we acknowledge them, the more we're in a better mood and more hopeful because mm-hmm.
I mean on Friday I was like, I don't even know how to be hopeful. Like I can say, yeah, I'm hopeful, but like I have been hopeful and like still like, you know what I'm saying? Like, okay, but this is the test. Remain faithful, remain hopeful, but um. So we have to just, we, we, we really, we really have to look at everyday kindness that comes out.
And it may not come from a person, I always go back to animals, right? Mm-hmm. It comes, I swear, this [00:12:00] bird that keeps following us around, ah, you know, I was out there crying on Friday. Shoot. I don't wanna cry. I know. Okay.
MATT: It's, but however, everybody's probably thinking God knows what everybody's thinking.
FAWN: Everybody's healthy. Pretty much everybody is healthy. All right. Knock on wood.
MATT: I, I just was asked to leave a position that was not ultimately serving,
FAWN: and that's just it. When you don't make a move, God makes it for you. You really should have left that job a long time ago.
But.
MATT: I go, I go back and forth because I was still training, I was still learning, but I hadn't felt good about my contributions since like March, and this is, but they also
FAWN: put you in a place where you couldn't,
MATT: and this is August, and yeah, you couldn't contribute.
FAWN: They wouldn't allow you to contribute?
MATT: Well, yeah. It was like, let's, let's not dwell on that aspect of things. I just wanted to let everybody know so everybody's not thinking God knows what everybody thinks. 'cause people [00:13:00] also manage to bring their own trauma into conversations too.
FAWN: Yeah. Well, you know, financial stuff is very scary. Yes. Um, so anyway, what was I saying?
Okay, so there's a lot to be noticing. You have to notice it. You, you, it's, it's your job. It has to be, our full-time job is to recognize the kindness. Mm-hmm. And like I was, I was about to say, yeah, I was kind of teary-eyed. I was, I went outside and outside and I was crying a little bit. And the bird that follows us around now, he was like just a few inches away from me.
But the way he was like.
both: Looking at me. Right.
FAWN: And I guess he had never seen like water come out like that, huh? Because he was like, what? I could see, like, he was like moving his head around like, what is that?
MATT: Right?
FAWN: Maybe, maybe he knew what it was. I don't know. Um, it was just very kind. [00:14:00] I felt like, right.
Why am I crying?
MATT: Well, that's just it. When things are rough and somebody is kind to you, I mean, it was, it was said in afterlife. He said it best. You know, I can, I can deal with a lot of things, but I can't deal with people being ni, being kind to me.
FAWN: I can deal with it, but just, I think it's good to cry. I just, I'm sorry I'm crying with you guys and I don't wanna cry in front of you, Matt.
You know, I don't wanna do that right now. Anyway. Um. But I remember a long time ago, I, um, was 18, I moved away to go to college mm-hmm. On my own. Mm-hmm. I was totally disowned by the family and, um, you guys know the whole story, but there was this one day where, um. I used, I lived in a youth hostel temporarily until I figured out where I was gonna live.
And at this youth hostel, there were many people from Europe traveling. It was [00:15:00] so much fun. Like we, I made so many friends. Um, so cool. And part of the time, one of my roommates was, uh, I actually, I had two. No, she was the only one that was a scientist. She was a lecturer. She was from Switzerland, and she was lecturing and she was my roommate.
Uh, um, and she overheard my phone conversation with, you know, my quote unquote family Right. And was getting yelled at. Mm-hmm. And they said, they said, you're never gonna make it on your own. Like, gee, thanks. Oh, awesome. Like, they had already disowned me. Right. And I just, I had called to just check in to say, Hey, I'm alive, you know, whatever, I'm here.
Right. Um, they didn't even know like where I was gonna sleep or anything. They were just like off with you. Right. Because I was just going to college. I got myself mm-hmm. Into one of the hardest art schools in the country Right. To [00:16:00] get accepted to. And I paid for it myself, cash, whatever. So on the phone, they were like, you are never even gonna make it.
You don't even have a fork or spoon to eat with. You are never gonna make it. And I started to cry after the call.
MATT: Right. Course. It's my roommate,
FAWN: this scientist woman who's lecturing. She was older than me. She, I'm sorry, it's so, I'm crying.
MATT: Oh dear.
FAWN: We still have what she gave me. It's in the, it's in the kitchen.
She pulled out from her bag, this really very Swiss of her, this, uh, long pouch with a, with a button on it, like a snap. And it was, uh, so Swiss. It was a life of fork. A spoon, a [00:17:00] can opener, like all the utensils you would need for a meal.
both: Mm-hmm.
FAWN: Um, and a bottle opener as well. Like all like into one thing.
Like they nestled in one another, right? Yeah. They all nest. So they were all separate and they were like. It. They weren't little either. They were like long. Mm-hmm. Like longer than our normal like silverware that we have. Right,
both: right.
FAWN: Um, but it fit, they nestled into each other and it fit perfectly in this pouch, and we still have it to this day.
What is it like minute, some decades later, I still have it in our kitchen. Wherever we've moved. I've traveled with it and she looked at me, she gave it to me. She goes Here. Now you have a fork, a knife at a spoon.
MATT: HAYO!. And there you go. Oh dear. Oh dear. Oh dear. So I read a quote [00:18:00] and it's gonna make the wife cry even more.
Here we go. No. Um, kindness begins with the understanding that we all struggle. That's where kindness kind of comes from. Kindness, it's interestingly enough, kindness can be learned. You would hope it's instinctual, but it's one of those nature nurture. Nobody's quite sure if kindness is truly, but there science has shown us that there are benefits, and I think we've been over these before, but if you practice kindness for seven days,
being kind to others and kind, not nice, kind, performing, perhaps acts of service or it can be as simple as being present and listening to someone. My coworkers have been kind and I have been kind to them. 'cause we always spout out stupid stuff once in a while because we find something cool, but we can't explain it.
And so we just start talking around it and we're like, oh, [00:19:00] and somebody will just listen. It's very kind. Um. If you practice kindness for seven days, you're happier, you have better health, and you are less depressed. And science has shown that even observing acts of kindness give you these benefits. That's amazing.
That's, you know, looking at. When they say, oh yes, yes. Giving charitable donations, yes, but you get your serotonin and dopamine from doing that, and they're not wrong. But isn't that awesome that your body even wants to help you out when you are kind, when you are kind to someone else? Wow.
In the words of my Moira Rose amassing.
So be present and show gratitude
when someone is [00:20:00] kind and be present to it. You should always be present to everything all the time, but in this world, woo, everything swirls around. But keep that in mind. Keep in mind. Keep in mind, you never know what that person who's walking through the door is going through. Yeah. I held the door open for somebody just as their hands were full and they were leaving.
It was a nice moment for me. Yeah. Not something I'm gonna remember in 20 years, but it was a nice moment for me and they appreciated it. My goodness.
FAWN: That's why we should collect them and have 'em in our pockets. Right.
I'd like to leave it here. Because I'm like really emotional.
MATT: Yes. Yes you are.
FAWN: I'm sorry. It's all good, baby. I don't look at my emotion as, I don't believe things are gonna be okay, Matt. I just, you need
MATT: to process the way you need to process.
FAWN: No, it's not fair to you. So
MATT: it's not fair to you either. I mean,
FAWN: it's, and it's all of us in it together, right?
It's yes. Just living in the United [00:21:00] States, it's like
MATT: right.
FAWN: Fricking scary. Mm-hmm. Health insurance and all of that, like God. Um, okay.
MATT: Okay, so everyone be well. Hold us in your hearts and we will hold you in Ours be well.
FAWN: Have a beautiful every day.
