Episode Transcript
Transcript
Fawn: [00:00:00] Hello everybody. Welcome back to our Friendly World. How are you? Hello. What are you doing? Uh,
MATT: sitting.
Fawn: How's everything? Pretty
MATT: good.
Fawn: I'm asking our friends out there. Oh, my bad. I can see you, baby. But yeah. How are you doing, honey? Well, you can be inches away from someone all day and not know what's really going on.
So how have you been?
MATT: Alright.
Fawn: Yeah. Are you sure? Why are your eyes darting around
today? I wanted to talk about something that happened a long time ago, not that we're talking about that, but as an example of why maybe as a society we don't just, come together, out there in the world, in other countries after dinner. Everyone heads to the park, everybody like, it's crowded and you walk and you talk and the kids play.
Like it's a time where most people are done with work. Everyone's [00:01:00] had dinner and then everyone goes for a stroll outside. I remember being a little kid. Mm-hmm. And I have told you this story before about how people who,
immigrated here to the United States, especially from Iran, the Jewish Iranians. Because they were feeling so alone and so scared, and scared because they left everything behind. They didn't know much about this culture and pretty much a whole bunch of people had to flee. Right. And they were here.
And um, I remember they would all go to a park, things they used to do in Iran.
MATT: Mm-hmm.
Fawn: If you look at most parks in the United States, they're pretty much deserted a lot of the times. Yes. Um, but , I realize there was, uh, an unwritten rule or maybe it is written, I don't know.
And unspoken rule of you can't really hang out. Have you noticed like no loitering, like even Exactly. I was just gonna say, no loitering. I never knew what loitering was until high school because we weren't allowed [00:02:00] to loiter, and I didn't know what that meant. You can't just hang out like it's a threat.
And this is when I realized we were considered a threat for just existing. Because I had, mind you, I was just in school. I was a kid, but I had this teacher. Who now I know was a total, uh, can I use the R word? How can I, what's another word for racist?
MATT: Prejudiced.
Fawn: He was prejudiced, definitely.
And he was so irate. Like he, I've told you this story before on the show, but like I remember his face getting all red and he was all bothered because over the weekend he saw people walking in the park and I knew exactly what he was talking about and I knew what group he was talking about.
He was talking about the Persian people and he was going off on us in the classroom. I [00:03:00] was the only Persian kid there.
MATT: Uh oh. So
Fawn: I knew what he was talking about. Mm-hmm. I don't think anyone else really knew, but he was just going on and on about how you're not gonna take my country away from me. How dare you.
Like, um, have a bunch of people like meet at the park. Mm-hmm. Take the park over like they're taking over. . And I just felt so scared and sad. A feeling. I'm still trying to understand like what I like, what that feels like. Mm-hmm. But what I wanna talk about today kind stems from that. 'cause I was thinking about it and I'm like, how come people don't just hang out?
You said it. No loitering and. If you come together, it's considered a threat. God forbid you see the same kind of people from the same race or same culture altogether. People get scared like, what's going on here? Because it's so unnatural for people to just be together. But in other countries, it's natural for everyone to go to the park [00:04:00] and just be. So we were talking about, we've been talking about this for a few years.
Since we've become parents that it's so hard to go out without spending money. How can you go out and do something as a family or do something with other friends and not have to, drop a hundred dollars every time? Think about it. We go out for coffee as a family, get some hot chocolate for the kids, whatever,
even a Right. The least expensive cup of whatever it is. We still drop after tax, after tip, after tip?
MATT: Who's 35? Who's to say yes, $35? Yes.
Fawn: For a cup of. Something
MATT: brown water, fancy brown water.
Fawn: And then we wanna do something else. Like , we're always like, well, can we do something besides going to the coffee shop?
We can't think of anything. Like, it's always consumer based. Whatever we do has to be, consumer is consumer related. So [00:05:00] that's my beef. That's something I've thought about for many years now. How can we get around that? I mean, I, I look at my friend Martine, and she goes out, she's having so much fun every, every weekend, and I can almost hear her, well, you can go on a hike, you can go on the boat, you can go to the beach.
But even that, like, I think, okay, let's say we were back living in la. We lived on the beach, right? That was our neighborhood. Mm-hmm. But if we didn't, even if we lived like, I don't know, 10 blocks away, you would have to drive maybe, and you have to pay for parking and you have to stress out about, oh, the meter maids are coming because, and they're watching it.
So the second your time runs out in your parking spot, you'll get a big fat ticket. Not only that. You have to pay for parking. Mm-hmm. You could get fined on top of it. The gas, just like paying for gas to drive somewhere. Right. The inertia it takes to even get in the car and move through traffic and get [00:06:00] over the hurdle of all the obstacles that you have to clear to go to a place.
And then what, okay, you're at the beach now what You end up. Spending money, you know, like there's nothing to do. You can't just sit there and enjoy. Do you know what I'm saying? Especially when I, I, it just seems like it's harder to do that. Like yeah, as a family we could go sit there, but
MATT: mm-hmm.
Fawn: It's different when you're by yourself and you can just sit there and meditate and look at the water, but I don't know, is it just me?
Feeling like, can we ever go out without spending money? I don't think I can ever go out and not have to spend money. Well,
MATT: okay. And that's almost fair.
Fawn: And, and, and, and one more thing I wanna add and then please take over. One thing I wanna add is, is there a force that keeps us from going out of our [00:07:00] shells?
And if you do, you have to pay. Is it something that is put in place on purpose? Is this, is it a systematic thing? Okay, I'm done. What were you gonna say?
MATT: Oh, I was gonna say, I can remember, uh, hanging out with my friends. We'd go down to Seal Beach and we'd fly kites aside from gas free. Parking. You didn't have to pay for parking?
No. Not a Seal Beach.
Fawn: Okay.
MATT: Yeah, I mean, that was one thing we would do. First of all,
Fawn: only a certain small portion of the United States has beaches you can go to, and even if you live in LA or you live in Seattle, or if you live in Miami. How close are you to the beach really? And how can you get there?
MATT: But nothing stops me from flying a kite at the park other than of course, seasonal, right?
It's kind of a seasonal activity, except in LA it wasn't all year activity, but where? Where there are places that have seasons, but I mean [00:08:00] athletic activities, those are the things. Those are one of the few things you can do for quote, unquote free. Once you invest in all the gear you need.
Fawn: You know what, you just need walking shoes, really.
But the thing is like, as a short person, I hate going on hikes with people. I really dislike it. I'm always the last one. I can't keep up. Something sometimes hurts and or I get scared of something and I get left behind and then I'm really scared. I'm scared of snakes, I'm scared of jaguars or whatever.
Like weird, you know, bears. Um, Bobcats where we live, you know, I'm, I'm just like,
MATT: which is why when we go out and it's, we go out for a walk, we take a walk, we have a bike path, uh, we have a walking path close to our house.
Fawn: Yeah. But there's, but okay, we do that every day.
MATT: I walk to the river every day. I don't go on the walking path.
Fawn: It's not a thing where we can. Congregate with friends. Do you know [00:09:00] what I'm saying? It's a solo activity. Yes. And even if we do it as a family, it's still a solo activity as a family.
MATT: Yes. And there you go. Solo activity. I can, I can definitely buy,
Fawn: I'm talking about coming together and doing things with friends, with a neighborhood, with, you know, with, with family and family, meaning friends, what can we really do together?
MATT: Well, okay, so without it
Fawn: costing money, without it involving capitalism,
MATT: well, I have an open invitation to go hang out with Mr. Wizard, provided his garage doors open, he leaves that out as like a, a sign and our neighbors congregate at our garages at around five o'clock every day.
Fawn: To feed the dogs for five minutes and you can miss that window.
It's five minutes now. Yes, but you can,
MATT: you can go longer.
Fawn: Alright. You're trying to fight me here. So you, Uhhuh, are you disagreeing with me? I am
MATT: disagreeing with you.
Fawn: You, so you think everything is fine? No. That people are [00:10:00] No, no. Can go out.
MATT: Not at all. But I am saying there are opportunities and activities.
Fawn: Let's say I meet someone new and I have. Aside from saying, Hey, come to our house, come over. Mm-hmm. It's weird and awkward to go to some stranger's house. You don't know how clean they are. You don't know if they've poisoned the food unknowingly. Right. You know, most people don't know how to cook. They can like, you can get sick, or it just could be uncomfortable.
You really don't know them. So to go straight to someone's house, I'm feeling like is a big miss, even though I, I'm always inviting people over to our house that we meet. And you
MATT: invited somebody for next weekend,
Fawn: right? I did. And they don't know us, but they're brave enough to go, yeah, sure. I'd love to come over brave,
MATT: right?
I will again argue not normal. I will again argue there are hobby groups out there.
Fawn: You have to pay for sometimes,
MATT: sometimes you don't. It depends on the hobby.
Fawn: Okay. [00:11:00] This is meeting strangers though. I'm talking about you have some friends and you wanna do something together. What are the options out there Without spending money,
MATT: right?
Well, you have to find common ground and get very creative.
Fawn: Okay, good for you, man. But it, it doesn't happen. It doesn't happen. You don't know what the other person's really interested in, and chances are they're interested in something you are not. I may not have friends, or I may not be a yacht kind of person to go, oh yeah, sure.
I'd like to go on the yacht with you. No thanks, because I've never done that. I don't know how it works. Mm-hmm. I don't know what shoes to wear, what clothes to wear. It's awkward. Like, I wouldn't feel comfortable. Right. Like, unless the people know they have to like teach me how to do stuff, but again, have to go buy shoes I'm sure.
Or I have to buy something Right. To, to do that. And also it seems like in other countries it's more acceptable to just be together. [00:12:00] Like, Hey, we're making dinner anyway, so the whole tribe comes together and has a meal together. Someone brings their guitar, someone brings their drums.
It seems easier to have some paella and some good conversation and just be without something commercial involved. And the way our neighborhoods are set up, it's hard to walk places. Yes. Like, think about there are neighborhoods with HOAs, and if someone crosses the street, they're not allowed to walk in that neighborhood.
And if they do, they're like, I've, I've heard people say like, what are they doing here? This is not their territory. What? Wow. Like it's inhospitable. Yes. And it's someone literally crossing the street, but they're not welcome on your side. That's crazy. To me
MATT: it is. That's that aspect of things.
Absolutely is. And you
Fawn: know our neighbors are like that. Yes, I
MATT: know. I know.
Fawn: So how everything [00:13:00] is set up to keep us apart and then there is a lot set up to keep us apart. Yes. Don't even, and here's the thing, you don't need an enforcer to do it. People become self appointed enforcers.
Like just a normal person saying, what are you doing here? This doesn't belong to you. What do you mean? Like, wow, okay. I can't walk on the street walking my dog. No, you can't. What. It's just unfriendly.
I know. You just, the people become that, see, they become the most un uninviting kind of a uh, person.
MATT: True. Well, okay. I'm trying to defend this.
Fawn: No, I know you're trying to, to defend it. Can you? But it just feels like you're saying I'm wrong. I'm noticing this in our, I'm not
MATT: notice, I'm not saying you're wrong.
I'm saying there are other things that can be done. It's a question of going and doing them.
Fawn: Okay.
MATT: You know, going to meetup.com and finding people who you know. Might wanna hang out. [00:14:00] This is for, I guess, meeting more new people, but then these new people become your friends.
Fawn: Alright, but let's just start with us as a family.
Mm-hmm. We can never figure out what to do. We always end up with the same thing. Coffee shop. I
MATT: like going for coffee.
Fawn: It's expensive, Matt.
MATT: It is. Which is why we don't do it very often.
Fawn: Exactly. We don't go out that much. The library boring First
MATT: Friday.
Fawn: Not all towns have first Friday. Not all towns
MATT: have First Friday. Some towns do, which is when the merchants open things up for the first Friday and everybody kind of wanders around, congregates around. Sometimes there's bands in the summertime. There are concerts.
Fawn: I mean, once in a while you have the 4th of July parades or the whatever, parades.
Mm-hmm. But again, it's parade. It's on my list. It's 10 or 15 minutes, and then if you come five minutes later, it's all gone. You wouldn't even know that something had happened there. It's very quick. It's very like, okay, we're done. It everyone back to [00:15:00] their holes, it seems like to me. Well. Alright, so how can we fix it?
Okay. Let's say I have some friends I wanna hang out with Matt. Mm-hmm. We're not gonna go to a meetup,
MATT: right?
Fawn: We want to get to know each other. We just wanna experience each other. We wanna be together. We want to further evolve our friendship. We don't wanna go to a meetup, right? But. We don't wanna go drop $200 or a hundred dollars either.
MATT: Mm-hmm.
Fawn: And that's another thing, you go out with some friends and it's always the person who orders extra drinks and the most expensive thing. And it's always that same person that says, let's split, split it evenly. Meanwhile, I've had a cup of water and a small side salad and I end up paying $40 for it.
And then I, I never wanna go out again. Right. I feel this rage.
I don't know. I don't know. That's it. I don't know.
MATT: Okay. There are shared spaces that you can find- libraries.
Fawn: [00:16:00] Boring. It's boring, Matt.
MATT: Okay. I'm trying to be a little constructive. That's all.
Fawn: Alright, give me something else. That's all. Besides the library. What else? No meetup either.
MATT: Nothing stops you from going to the park. I'll admit. Total sketch after dark, but before dark. It's not sketch, it's just a place, it's just a common place. How many
Fawn: parks do we know of? Really? I don't know of any parks anymore.
MATT: There's one down the street
Fawn: where,
MATT: wait. I'm not sure which way we facing, okay.
Fawn: It's just a patch of grass with a bench that you really can't sit on. So there's a playground. You're not allowed as an adult to be in a playground. So again, that is true. What can we do?
MATT: See, I used to enjoy throwing the Frisbee back and forth. At a park. Okay. Nice. Nice. Short, sweet and simple. Nothing big, nothing fancy.
Fawn: All all. Let's say you live in a City. City. So there's no park,
MATT: just at the park.
Fawn: There's no park. [00:17:00]
MATT: Just at the park. It's all over the place in New York City.
All right. But let's say, I'm sure they're park's. Say you're to in New York?
Fawn: No. Maybe you're in a small town.
MATT: Maybe you're in a small town. Okay.
Fawn: Small towns are different 'cause you tend to know everyone there, but. Again, how do you hang out together? Besides what if you're not interested in church events or religious things?
MATT: Ooh, religion was on there. Some of, are you reading my little crib sheet? No,
Fawn: I'm not, but I'm, it's obvious, like I'm just thinking what do people do? They get together for church things. Mm-hmm. But what if you don't wanna do that? You know, what if you're not of the same religion? What if you don't want to do that?
Like you just wanna be with people. I'm just saying, Matt, I've just noticed this for many, for most of my life. I
MATT: know. I know. Like what
Fawn: can we do?
MATT: I think we need to embrace our inner teenager who would just do. Hey, let's go to the mall and hang out again. Hey, let's a
Fawn: place of commerce. But they,
MATT: you
Fawn: loitering, you
MATT: have no money.
[00:18:00] You're loitering. Yes. And it's illegal. That is, that is my answer. Start loitering people.
Fawn: No, don't. You're gonna get us in trouble again though. Do you understand? It's, it's not it. Okay. You can't, you're not allowed to do that.
MATT: I'm allowed to window shop.
Fawn: Okay. That gets boring after a while. And how do you do that with friends?
Really? How is that anything of substance?
MATT: Right?
Fawn: You're walking in a mall, no fresh air, but how
MATT: is hanging out at a coffee shop? Anything of substance if you wanna start making these types of arguments. That's what I'm saying.
Fawn: Like I, you know, once in a while, coffee's cool, but what can we do besides that?
I totally realize how negative I'm being. Matt, I'm just saying you, I, you're disagreeing with me on purpose because in the car we always have this conversation and you seem to agree. Now he's turning away from me, you guys.
Don't make it seem like you don't agree with me. You're doing this [00:19:00] for show for our audience. You are, you always wanna disagree with me in public, but when we're together, you're like, yeah, yeah. You totally riff with me on stuff. Well, I'm
MATT: trying to figure out what we can do about it.
Just, well, so am I just saying. Well. The world stinks. Yeah. But saying I'm wrong is not good.
Fawn: Saying I'm wrong is not good either. I'm not saying you're wrong. You're, I'm saying these are
MATT: oppor, these are other opportunities. Other options. That's what I'm saying.
Fawn: Alright, so there's a park, which some people don't have access to
a park. You can go to the beach. Most of the country has does, has no access to a beach. And if they do, they have to pay a lot of money. You were in an area where you had access to the beach, but let's say it's Malibu, there's a whole section you, you just can't park. It's incredibly hard to find parking in Malibu, and most of it is private owned land, so you're not allowed.
there's that. The beach [00:20:00] is out, the park is out. The library is boring. If you've done it like that's it. Like. God, can we figure out something else besides library? going to a movie is crazy. There's no way.
MATT: Well, I would argue going to a movie is not necessarily the your best option for hanging out with a friend.
Fawn: It's not because you're not even like,
MATT: because you're not necessarily dating, but you have a shared experience. You can talk about it. Don't experience you're That's right. You can talk about it later. You can talk about it after over coffee
Fawn: again. Money, money, money.
So inviting each other to our homes is the only option. But again, we're like tucked away and secluded. As opposed to when it's encouraged for the whole city to come out in the park. Mm-hmm. And be together
anyway. Maybe there's no solution. Maybe it, it's a good enough solution talking [00:21:00] about it so we can create something together.
MATT: Or maybe one of our eagle eared listeners has some really great ideas for us.
Fawn: And maybe when you bring it to light.
When you bring an issue to a light, then you can find other avenues, other opportunities. So that's it. I think this is the way our culture is.
Anyway, sorry. Okay. That's it for me. Have a nice every day guys
MATT: day. That's, that's my closing remark right there. That's all I got. Sad cat.
Fawn: Let's figure it out. Alright, let us know what you think. Sorry.
MATT: Be well.
Bye.
