Friendly Step #3 - Maintaining the Friendship

Step three! DON'T WAIT! A quick 15-minute talk on what to do to maintain a friendship.
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Transcript

[00:00:00] Fawn: Hello, everybody. Welcome to our friendly world. Hello. Good morning. We haven't done this in a long time. Remember we used to actually introduce ourselves. Hello. Good morning. Good evening. Good afternoon. Good day. Good. Every day. I am Fawn

[00:00:15] Matt: and

Matt.

[00:00:16] Fawn: Hello?

[00:00:17] Matt: Hello. It's kind of strange. We're actually not recording from

our kitchen today.

[00:00:21] Fawn: Why didn't you have to say that?

[00:00:24] Matt: I can tell the vibe is

[00:00:25] Fawn: different, so maybe we should go back to the kitchen. So we're on the couch right now, because for some reason I have been so beyond tired and before we went into the kitchen to record, I was just joking. I'm like, let's just do it right here on the couch.

And then I walk away for a few seconds and then, viola! . The setup is on the couch. And then you got mad at me when I said, no, you said, how, how am I supposed to know? You said the couch. So I set up the couch,

[00:00:52] Matt: you said the

couch. You didn't say, ha, just joking. You didn't say no, no, no, seriously. Let's do it in the kitchen.

No, you didn't say any of that. You said let's

do it on the couch.

[00:01:00] Fawn: I was totally joking because I couldn't even think of how am I going to peel myself, peel my butt off the couch to go walk 16 feet over to the kitchen. Toddler table, but here we are. Can you guys tell the difference? Hello, it's a different vibe.

I totally expected someone to say

[00:01:21] Matt: actually, you know, you wear the headphones. I don't wear the headphones, so.

[00:01:25] Fawn: All right, baby step number three. Are you guys ready?

So tell them what happened today.

[00:01:32] Matt: So I wake up frightfully early, but let's pretend I

[00:01:34] Fawn: don't for a second. Rightfully is no joke guys. Like usually it's 3 30, 3 45 0

[00:01:41] Matt: 4, 4 15, 4 30 this morning. Thank you very much. You slept in. I slept in, yes. Okay. Anyway, so I got up at four 30 and you know, I do what I do anyways.

I was. And about, I was wandering around the house, like six

[00:01:54] Fawn: 20, by house, our little apartment.

[00:01:57] Matt: Yes, yes, yes

[00:01:58] Fawn: that we rent.

[00:01:59] Matt: Yes. Anyways. I looked out our little, patio window, and I saw somebody.

[00:02:04] Fawn: And so you saw a spark, you, you recognize this spark out, outside, out there,

[00:02:11] Matt: like cool.

And then I knew. They were actually wearing a mask, which is not something I typically see.

[00:02:17] Fawn: Nobody wears

masks around here,

[00:02:19] Matt: and yet there they were. I hadn't seen them before, because of course I'd look out the window at people walking all the time. And I was like, oh my goodness, I should go. I should say something, but the kids are asleep.

Fawn's asleep. So

I didn't.

[00:02:35] Fawn: This was six 30 in the morning. It was like six 30 in the morning plus, and I said

[00:02:41] Matt: six 30 in the morning.

[00:02:43] Fawn: Here's the thing. Here's the thing. Just do it. Don't wait. Don't wait. All right. And what did we have this conversation before or after the other one? Or I said, oh, so Emily was texting.

And we were going back and forth earlier, early in the morning. She was commenting on you and you kind of pouted and you said, no, we'll never pings me. And I said, well, and then I gave you a list of our friends that ping you through me through you, because you are not open with your phone number.

So everybody gives me messages to give to you. So I started to make a list of all these people, and then you shut up for a second, but only one respectfully. And then what happened?

And then I said, you need to just reach out to people, just do it,

[00:03:33] Matt: And then I said, but Groundhog

is

coming. I'll wait till then.

[00:03:36] Fawn: Yeah. Cause I said, why don't, for example, why don't you reach out to Mel? And you're like, I'll wait until the Groundhog day. Like for real, I'm like, are you serious? No. And you said, well, she didn't ping me back when I pinged her three times and I told you she had something going on in her life. And I told you what that was, that was a grief moment for her.

You kept making excuses.

[00:03:59] Matt: I'm saying I recognize that. And so I'm coming up with a low impact, excuse. But ultimately it sounds coming up with an excuse. Listen,

[00:04:09] Fawn: listen, to me, it sounds like I'm totally beating up on you,

[00:04:11] Matt: and you are,

[00:04:12] Fawn: I'm not, I'm just trying to tell our friends what happened and what led to this.

Right. And it's a perfect example of all the excuses we make up it's a perfect example of how we make a whole bunch of tiny, valid excuses not to ping someone. Right. So step number three, friendly step baby. Step friendly. Step number three. Don't wait, just do it, just do it.

So, oh, now you sound like the expert, like, oh yeah, just do as people. You just

[00:04:43] Matt: do it, Matt. This is what you're here for. You're here to call me on my malarkey

[00:04:47] Fawn: malarkey. All right. So listen, what do we do to. Reach out and make a friend. Step number one was, I mean, you don't have to go in order, by the way, like I said, you can do any one of these things.

I just do do them all at some point. But the first one we talked about was when you see someone and you see that spark of that person, everyone has a particular spark about them. Call it out. I used to do it in Santa Monica. I would hang out the window and notice someone from a block away and yell at them.

Right. And, but it's a friendly yell. It's a no mistaking friendly yell, because if I were walking down the street in the neighborhood, we live in where I'm not where it's all white. And if someone was yelling at me, I would be scared. Because I'm ready for battle,

[00:05:48] Matt: honestly. No, no, no. And that's just a, particularly if you're walking in silence and the whole world is kind of the whole world here is certainly quiet at six 30 on a Sunday.

[00:05:57] Fawn: And it's not about that. It's about, it's just shocking. So you have to make sure it's like, remember when you made that phone call, when we were trying to get hard hardwood floors. We needed the hardwood floors to be put in before the rest of the house was being done. Right. And you had the task of calling a list of people and no one was available.

Then there was this one owner who said, look, I have so many jobs right now. And she was a. A small business owner and you said good for you, but you totally but see that was your way of communicating your computer programmer way of communicating, you know, hold on. Oh, Matt looks all offended right now.

Hold on a second. Sometimes when we're not used to talking with someone and you've been quiet in your own space for, let's say a few hours a day. When you suddenly have to speak with someone else it's awkward, you're awkward. It's natural. So sometimes some things come out of your mouth in a tone here, guys, here, here are most of our fights.

Matt, you have a tone and then you get all offended. What tone are you talking? You know, like we get over, we get into a fight over a tone.

[00:07:16] Matt: We're not the

only ones folks.

[00:07:18] Fawn: It's a tone that pops out that could be so devastating to the other person. It could be insulting. So when you're yelling at this person, the happy yell, you have to make sure in no uncertain terms, it sounds loving.

All right. So yeah, you, you have to be limber. So sometimes that is why I just go for it. And I say, I love you, even though I don't know the person. But I noticed that spark and I have a feeling, oh, this could be a situation where they get, they could get scared or offended because God knows what's going on in their mind.

Maybe they're thinking about all the ways that they've experienced injustice. And if you start yelling, they're not hearing your words, but they're, they're seeing some crazy guy from this window yelling at them. Do you know what I mean? Right. So you and no uncertain terms, they can hear. I love you.

You're fabulous. You know what I mean? It has to be like that. So that was step number one. Step number two was imitate that movie "Wings of Desire" where you are acting like an angel from the movie. What the angels from that movie do is they place all their focused energy on this one person and they place their hand on their shoulder and it changes that person's mindset and it changes their worldview for the better, and then they feel better and they move on.

That was friendly step number two. Today's step is just do it already. No excuses. Don't wait, send a text. The text could be for no reason, but once again, same as yelling at someone: I love you, thinking of you. You're fabulous. You're amazing. Have a beautiful everyday. Just pick something good, something sweet and short and sweet,

[00:09:17] Matt: short and sweet.

I think.

[00:09:20] Fawn: So you make it sound like you're the expert Matt, but do you do that?

[00:09:23] Matt: I've been thinking

about that and yes, I, I haven't necessarily been as good as I've been in the past, but yes I

do.

[00:09:32] Fawn: We'll just do it. Cause you're thinking about it. Thinking is not doing.

[00:09:35] Matt: Don't overthink it., so this is Matt's tip Matt of Fawn and Matt's tip for you today and only mine.

Oh, it's

[00:09:44] Fawn: you

so like, and it could be a text. It could be a phone call. Some people panic over phone calls, like on the other side. Right. Um, I realized someone was not a friend when I randomly called her and she yelled at me and I never called her again. And I realized as things went on, I watched her differently and I realized this person is a hating, person.

[00:10:15] Matt: Gotcha.

[00:10:15] Fawn: So out off the list, leave much like the gaslighting situation when something doesn't feel right and you work and you work and, you know, just leave. Bye.

[00:10:28] Matt: There you go.

[00:10:29] Fawn: Next. You have things to do. All right.

[00:10:31] Matt: I mean, that's certainly falls right into that. Make sure somebody meets you in the middle.

[00:10:36] Fawn: So don't wait, just do it.

Can you think of something else, Matt, besides a text, you can send her a phone call if it's possible. , I've been sending random gifts to people for no reason. Right? I used to do that all the time. When we didn't have kids and money, it wasn't, it was money was always an issue for me. But you know, like in the neighborhood I could always find something for 25 cents or something.

Do you know what I mean? And gift it to them. Or we would find something right. And randomly show up with a gift and run away. You don't always have to run away, but like, remember, remember back in the day I was getting tested, it was a long time ago. But I was getting tested for an orange belt in karate.

And some friends showed up outside the door and they brought everything, orange, orange juice, an orange flower they picked, do you know what I mean? It's stuff like that. So there you go. A negative wisdom from Santa Monica.

[00:11:39] Matt: Gotcha.

[00:11:40] Fawn: Little gifts and it

doesn't have to require money, but that's another way to just do it. Don't wait, make a move and much like lending money to someone. Never expect to get it back. Otherwise it's going to cause you a whole bunch of grief. Do something where, you know, it's not going to put you out. I'm not going to lend this person $10,000.

Do you know what I mean? Right. Because right now that $10,000, there's no way it would, it would destroy my life right now. Do you know what I mean?

[00:12:14] Matt: I, well, that's just it, I think I certainly centering around little

[00:12:18] Fawn: things, but I can lend someone a dollar ultimately

[00:12:23] Matt: can mean big things for others.

[00:12:25] Fawn: Right. Um, so there, can you think of any other examples of how you could.

Randomly without waiting just who each out.

[00:12:34] Matt: Well, I mean, there's, emailing there's Facebook messaging, there's LinkedIn messaging. I mean, you know, every single platform seems to have a way to message,

[00:12:44] Fawn: uh, text, phone call, ways to message someone. Right. All right. That will just put that under one category, sending a gift.

[00:12:52] Matt: So I'm going to go next level today. Okay, cool. I'm going to send Mel the equivalent of a mixed tape.

[00:13:00] Fawn: Oh, she's not going to like it,

[00:13:03] Matt: but I'm going to be thoughtful about it. And we'll see what we

see.

[00:13:09] Fawn: You're going to push your music on her. Um,

[00:13:13] Matt: it's it's. It's just a little taste and it's, it's, you know, a little taste of the simple stuff.

[00:13:20] Fawn: How are you going to do that? How do you do that? Think I'm going to send her an audio file.

[00:13:24] Matt: I think I'm

going to send an email that has links to YouTube videos. I think that's what I'm

going to do.

[00:13:31] Fawn: Nice, babe. Oh my God. Modern day version of mixed tape. Wow. I like it.

Hmm. Okay. Well, that's it for today? What do you guys think? Let me know, let us know, reach out to us. Can you please reach out to us? Go to our friendly world podcast.com. I want to start a group like, like a zoom party and we can all get together and speak and talk and just be together.

Please? Go to contact. When you go to our friendly world podcast.com and while you're there, there is a, there's a little button on the website for a cup of coffee, to support us, to support our podcast, buy as a cup of coffee, please. That's it. Let's see. Anything else, babe?

[00:14:22] Matt: Today's your day.

[00:14:24] Fawn: Every day is your day. Seize it. Don't wait. All right, we'll talk to you in just a few.

[00:14:29] Matt: Be well,

[00:14:30] Fawn: love you guys. Bye bye-bye.