The Transient Friend

The Transient Friend [00:00:00] MATT: So anyways, so let's say, you're in high school, you're in the later part of high school, right? And you're doing the Facebooky thing, right? And so you make friends, or you include classmates and decent people and one or three acquaintances and your Facebook friends, right? And you go to college, rinse and repeat, right? [00:00:22] MATT: You put your roommates in there, and all of a sudden you've amassed an interesting collection of folks, right? Now, these folks then become part of your, almost like part of your permanent story on some level. So like, you know, you hear about, Oh yes, so and so got married to so and so and they had a kid and you're living this weird vicarious life. [00:00:46] MATT: But I think also, it's kind of massaging all the, I guess, need based receptors you have for friendships. [00:00:58] MATT: You don't have any transient friends [00:01:03] MATT: or people you just know for three months and then that's it, never see again for whatever reason. If you have, if you grew up before Facebook, let's say. I don't know who did that. But anyways, if you grew up before Facebook, you would make new friends every year, every couple months, every, but now you don't have to do that. [00:01:29] MATT: You don't have any transient friends. You don't have You're getting all your, you're getting everything, all your needs quote unquote met, but you're not practicing making new friends because everybody just kind of, your friendship circle just kind of just gets bigger and then stops. [00:01:50] Fawn: Wait, remind me again how you're meeting these people? [00:01:53] Fawn: Just classmates. But so much is now, um, online. I'm [00:02:00] MATT: just, it's just a random thought I'm [00:02:02] Fawn: having. Are you talking about like elementary school, high school? Yeah, well yeah, um. Those are not friends, you're like held captive. But you think they are. Well yeah, that's [00:02:11] MATT: the problem. And you're linked to [00:02:13] Fawn: them forever. [00:02:14] Fawn: And here's the thing, here's the thing. Other people think that you're, you have friends. Like, as a parent I can tell you. Now from the point of view as a parent, I'm looking at all my friends who are also parents who have kids. It just seems like, wow, their kids have so many friends. Because they always send me texts, or images of the parties that they do. [00:02:42] Fawn: Like birthday parties and like, their kids look so popular. [00:02:47] MATT: That's not, that's not kind of the central point I'm thinking about. I'm thinking about then that person who has all of these elementary school friends when they're in their 20s, their 30s. But they're not making any new friends because we don't have the sense of transient friends anymore. [00:03:05] MATT: I was thinking about, like [00:03:07] Fawn: Well, that's the problem right there because they're not really friends. They're acquaintances. Yes. You're trapped in the same situation together. You have no choice but to be in a room with them all day, every day. [00:03:20] MATT: See, I'm talking about when you're in your 20s and 30s now. So you're not in the room with them anymore, but they're still tied to you. [00:03:28] MATT: It's like I was thinking about in college. I lived with a whole bunch of different people. I don't know any of their last names anymore. I think I probably did at one point, but unless it became part of, like, my, the way I think about them, like, Alejandro Gomez. Okay, I know his last name, but Brett? No. [00:03:53] MATT: Oh, my God. And there's lots of people like this. Lost Touch can't reestablish Touch because I don't remember their last names. By the same token, I'm not sure if We would be, we weren't friends, were we friends then? Would we be friends now? I don't know. But not having them means I'm constantly meeting new people and I'm constantly making new friends and losing old friends, as it were, if you will. [00:04:25] MATT: I constantly have the sense of the transient friend. So friend for an experience, friend for a moment, friend for a year, friend for a lifetime. That's all. I [00:04:39] Fawn: think most of life is transient. [00:04:43] MATT: But yet, we can attach permanency [00:04:45] Fawn: to it. I also think it's a cultural thing. And I think it's an era thing. I think we're in the time where everything is transient. [00:04:54] MATT: Or is everything becoming permanent because everything follows you around forever from your permanent record in elementary school? [00:05:03] Fawn: That's very superficial, though. It [00:05:05] MATT: is, but it still follows you. You know, my grades at university, theoretically, still follow me around. Really? Theoretically, I don't think anybody's really pulled them in forever, but, you know, people certainly want to know. I have that miraculous scrap of paper that says, I have a bachelor's degree. [00:05:26] MATT: I would say that in this society today, and it's getting harder, you can't hide, you can't change, you can't, it's like, you, it's, you can't lie about your age [00:05:38] Fawn: anymore. Well, yeah, well, it's not about lying about your age, but you can . You can defy it. Wow, defy it. But what I'm [00:05:45] MATT: saying though is, you can't, your past sins will continue [00:05:52] Fawn: to haunt you. [00:05:52] Fawn: But that's, honey, that's, it's, that's been the case throughout all time. No. You're in a small town, you can't get away [00:06:00] MATT: from whatever. Small town, yes, but you can always go to the big city and get lost. You can't go to the big city and get lost [00:06:06] Fawn: anymore. But, I argue that Beyond the resume and beyond your portfolio, when you get to know a person one on one, that's where you can get that lost. [00:06:21] Fawn: That's where you can get all the stuff from the past, the gossip and the grades and whatever. That will dissolve when you get to know a person human to human. [00:06:33] MATT: Yes, but You know, let's say, oh, yes, um, I want you, you know, let, let's say, let's say you avoid dating apps for a second just because you do and, you get, you, you go on a blind date with so and so, you can Google them before you go out and you can find that embarrassing picture of them at their high school talent show, singing and dancing to Blah blah blah because it still exists because it doesn't disappear because we don't forget things as a society [00:07:04] Fawn: anymore But that stuff does disappear. [00:07:07] Fawn: Like I said, I'm gonna repeat myself again. Welcome to our everyday fight I'm gonna say it for the 15 millionth time It disappears when you're getting to know a person. Unless that's your entire existence is some messed up talent show, and that's how you live every day of your life, then yeah, it keeps repeating and you're perpetuating it. [00:07:33] Fawn: But if you don't, if you grow as a person, Or if you're a person that is multifaceted, you're not that embarrassing talent show video that's gone viral of you. You are a multifaceted being. And for someone to be in front of you and to see you, for you, as a multifaceted, all encompassing, creative being, you're gonna see, they're gonna see, Other things. [00:08:06] Fawn: And that stuff will be forgotten. Who cares? You're [00:08:10] MATT: absolutely right. Why are you pointing at me like that? So please, please hear me say that you are absolutely right. But will you get the chance to be in front of that person? [00:08:21] Fawn: Then who cares? [00:08:22] MATT: Well, okay. That's, that's fair. That's fine. [00:08:25] MATT: Wouldn't it be better almost as a society if you were allowed to transcend that experience that is forever documented on the web? You can [00:08:35] Fawn: transcend it. You can, [00:08:37] MATT: but it's always going to be haunting. [00:08:39] Fawn: By people who don't know you. Who cares? They don't know you. [00:08:46] MATT: And maybe they'll never get a chance. [00:08:48] Fawn: So? Then that's their lot. [00:08:50] Fawn: Okay. Don't give up so easily. Don't get so mad. Okay. Love is winning. I'm just, now I forgot what I was saying. My god, what's your problem today? Today? What happened? What happened? Did you have a nightmare? Like, you woke up like, you're like, very, this is not feisty. You just want to fight. You're upset. No, I'm not upset. [00:09:14] Fawn: God forbid I disagree with you right now. I'm just saying, who cares, Matt? And you're right. Look, it's like going to a nude beach. You don't know anybody there, so you're more comfortable being nude. You're not going to see them again. Who cares what they think? It's the same thing that goes back eons, okay? [00:09:32] Fawn: It's like, Living the life based on what other people think. That is no way to live. It's like, it's also like, trying to be something you're not because you're trying to be popular. The kids who try to be, I was reminded by this by someone very special, thank you, but like, it's so true. The kids who try to be popular and they don't fully embrace their own Whatever it is about them that they think is not going to be popular or cool They end up dressing and behaving like the cool kids that already have these features. [00:10:14] Fawn: They're not respected at all. What's respected is being an individual. So, so what? Why should you care what other people think? The greatest actors, the greatest comedians, the greatest artists don't care. They're authentic and they express themselves and they just let it hang how it hangs. And that is totally respectable. [00:10:38] Fawn: And that, that touches other people and moves the world in a better way. So you shouldn't, who cares? That internet stuff has been there in caveman period times. [00:10:50] MATT: But I could move away from the tiny town to a big city, or I could move to a different big city, or I could move to a different country. Matt, [00:11:00] Fawn: the world is a small town. [00:11:01] Fawn: I went, okay, so, you guys, when I was, okay, five and a half weeks I was camping. Camping, you guys. Okay? Terrified of nature. Me. Out there. In the bush. In Africa. Huh? Okay. So, I, I would. Spend time with different tribes. They had no cars, no nothing. We would drive. This one day, we drove, I don't know, six hours away from this one little tribe that we were staying with. [00:11:32] Fawn: This guy came up to me, he handed me like, he, he was like, I'm gonna marry you. I'm like, Aw. So the next day I left, right. Poor guy. No, I mean, nothing happened. My god. No. He, he just saw me. He is like, oh, you're, we're gonna get married. I'm like, Aw. He just, you know, he saw me. I'm like, well, I'm never gonna see him again. [00:11:53] Fawn: 'cause I'm gonna go to a tribe far away tomorrow. So I didn't say anything. I just said, Aw. Thinking I'll never see him again. Cause, you know, he's in this tribe. Right. what do you call it? Like, they don't have electricity, they don't have cars. [00:12:10] MATT: They did not have the mobility that you had at your [00:12:13] Fawn: disposal. [00:12:13] Fawn: No mobility. Matt. So anyway, we drove hours and hours and hours away through desert. to the next tribe. Far away. Who comes up? [00:12:26] Fawn: This guy. How'd he get there? I don't know Matt. I don't know and then he handed me one of those things I have you know those stools They carried anyway, so he gave it to me along with He gave me some gifts. He's like, here, we're gonna get married. I'm like, oh, thanks But I'm telling you he like how did he show up there? [00:12:55] Fawn: You never know Matt This the world is a small town so you can think about it like that. You can think oh, it'll follow you Right. The world is transient. You never know plus Someone could tell someone and then that one person miraculously travels I mean, I told you the reason why I have the fear of flying now that I do. [00:13:21] Fawn: One of the things I love to do, one of my favorite feelings in the world, one of them, was to be on a plane as the plane is taking off. Oh! Loved that feeling! Until one day, I was coming out of Ethiopia, I was taking a plane to Greece, and sitting right next to me was one of the women from one of the tribes I was with. [00:13:42] Fawn: No, I didn't know her personally, but she was definitely from this tribe. She was sitting there with her tribal dress and her gourd was her luggage. A gourd! Still, like, total tribal gear, right? Like, it was like, if you could imagine an airplane of people wearing jeans or crisp white shirts and ties and, you know? [00:14:04] Fawn: And then here she is. Is this a movie? Like, how did this person get on this plane? Like, they they were so different. Like, how did this happen? But she was on a plane. And so anyway, it was obviously her first time, I think. Because as the plane was taking off, she grabs my arm. Because she was so scared. [00:14:28] Fawn: What? [00:14:29] MATT: The noise. Everything. The noise, the motion. Yeah. I mean, [00:14:33] Fawn: everything about it, if you think about it, is quite frightening. How does this massive steel structure suddenly fly in the wind? there. Anyway, so she grabbed me. And then I, and then I grabbed onto her. To comfort her. Then, reach that point where the plane is not tilting up anymore. [00:14:51] Fawn: And then it's even. And the noise is less. Only less. And you're now, you're now floating. And then all of a sudden there's a sense of calm a sense of surrender. Cause you're now, you're floating. It's peaceful. I looked at her and she seemed so relieved and happy. Meanwhile, I feel terrified. [00:15:15] Fawn: I feel like we switched places. I've told you guys this story before. So, for the, what do you call it? Long haulers? For our friends that have been listening to our podcast from the beginning, you know this story. But ever since that day, I've not been the same. I have a fear of flying. I feel like we switched. [00:15:31] Fawn: I understand. So I'm just saying, it's a transient world. It's a small world. The world is a small [00:15:37] MATT: town. The world is a small town. It just would be nice to be able to get lost once in a while. Cause like, when I went to university, I specifically picked a university nobody from my high school went to. And yet my Facebook profile still [00:15:51] Fawn: followed me. [00:15:53] Fawn: But you know what? You can get lost in your attitude of not caring. That's true. And just enjoying your life being in the moment. That's true. Pulling yourself together. Absolutely. I'm [00:16:05] MATT: just glad I have a, I have a, uh, a common enough name, I suppose. [00:16:11] Fawn: It's not like you've done anything crazy out there. Still. [00:16:15] Fawn: Like I said, you can look at it in a techie way. Yes. You can also look at it in a caveman way. Yes. It's the same story, Matt. What [00:16:24] MATT: I'm saying, though, is two sides to it. Number one is, it can be good to get lost so you can reinvent. And it's always good to always be making new [00:16:35] Fawn: friends. Yeah. And if it wasn't for that thing on the internet, I would have never reconnected with my childhood friend. [00:16:45] Fawn: I needed her. I need her. I do. Okay. Anyway, the transient friend. Embrace it. Talk to you guys in a few days. We love you. If you need us in between the few days, reach out to us. We're here. Have a beautiful every day. Be well. Talk to you soon.