"Kintsugi and Friendship: How to Heal After Heartbreak and Strengthen Bonds"

"Kintsugi and Friendship: How to Heal After Heartbreak and Strengthen Bonds" "In this episode, Fawn and Matt discuss the universal experience of heartbreak and how to rebuild after emotional setbacks. Drawing inspiration from the Japanese art of kintsugi, they explore how the cracks left by heartbreak can be filled with new strength, much like how broken ceramics are mended with gold. The conversation touches on vulnerability, resilience, and the importance of allowing others into your life after loss, whether in friendships or romantic relationships. Tune in for insights on embracing imperfections and finding beauty in healing." #HealingHeartbreak, #MendFriendships, #KintsugiLife, #EmbraceImperfections, #FriendshipHealing, #EmotionalResilience, #NewBeginnings Heartbreak, Kintsugi, Friendship healing, Emotional resilience, Vulnerability, Rebuilding relationships, Embracing imperfections MixPre-1532Kintsugi (Japanese: 金継ぎ) Fawn: [00:00:00] Hi, everybody. Welcome back. Maybe it's because this week, especially more so, we were watching so many, romantic comedies and, you know, like, like happy shows because, you know, especially this time of year, I think everyone has anxiety, even though they don't admit it. It's such a transition time. It's almost like a new year when, when you're starting to smell The scents in the early morning of wait a minute this doesn't smell like summer anymore You know what I'm saying? A smell of a change or something coming and people freak out and kids go back to school Colleges are opening up again for the new year. MATT: Honestly for me. It's an exciting time. It's a me too. I'm Very, I'm, I don't tend to feel anxious about this time of year. I always used to tell people, October is like my month. That's the month I shine. Fawn: The thing is that, but [00:01:00] we've talked about this, that the collective as a collective people do freak out, right? Because it's like, Oh, winter, MATT: winter is coming. It's evolutionary, Fawn: right? So anyway, that's why we, I think that's one of the reasons we were watching so much more than usual. So, what I was looking at this week was the idea of heartbreak, and I came across, totally like synchronicity, Caroline Myss was talking about it, she was talking about heartbreak, actually. It wasn't, I don't think it was the focus of the whole lecture she was giving, but this is what I got, and it reminds me of What is it in the Japanese culture when you break something and you mend it again? What is that? Do you know what I'm talking about? MATT: Right, but they mend it with gold, right? Right, right. Yeah, it's, I butcher everything and I always get confused with Fawn: Well just tell us the concept. You probably don't want to pronounce the word, right? Because we're gonna get it wrong, I'm sure. MATT: Well it's probably [00:02:00] kintsugi? Kintsugi. Kintsugi. But if I looked at it as a westerner, strictly, I would say it's kintsugi. Fawn: So what's the basic principle behind it though? MATT: Well, okay, so, it has a whole lot of history, but at the end of the day, you take broken pieces of, ceramic. So you drop a bowl, oh dear, and big ol chip or big ol whatever comes out of it, and they fix it with lacquer. And at some point in time, somebody decided to mix gold dust in the lacquer. And it completely changes the entire piece. Cause instead of like, on the Brady Bunch, when they broke mom and dad's lamp and they tried to fix it so nobody could tell. Don't play ball in the house! Right. So nobody could tell. They're making it like, front and center. Fawn: Right. And what's the, what's the principle behind that? MATT: Well, so, certainly Wabi Sabi, which is the embracing of the imperfect, kind of comes into play. Right. But I [00:03:00] think more importantly is it really wants to treat the, the break that did happen as part of its history instead of something that needs to be hidden like on the Brady Bunch. Fawn: That makes sense. So this is why I think that concept came to mind when I was listening to Caroline Myss so, in the audience, someone, stood up and asked a question. She had insomnia, so then my ears perked up, right? I'm like, uh huh. And she was weepy. The way she was talking, I could tell she wanted to just burst into tears from sadness, right? From something. And I could totally relate. And she called it severe insomnia. I'm like, uh huh. And so They were talking about that, and for this woman, it came down to heartbreak. And, Caroline Myss is a no muss, no fuss kind of a person. She's not lovey dovey, but she wasn't harsh with this woman, which [00:04:00] was remarkable to me, because she can be really harsh. , truthful, but harsh, you know? But she was talking about heartbreak, and this is the lesson. She said, you don't mend a broken heart. You don't try to fix it and you don't try to put it back together like the way it was What you do is you look at how many pieces you have you look at the pieces you have and you look to Filling it up, you look to filling up those pieces and it's kind of like this Japanese tradition because you're not putting it back exactly the way it was, you're adding to it. So in the spaces, in the gaps that you now have, you're filling it with something to pull it all together again and it made me think of like so many things actually, like even working out, your muscles tear and you keep working out. strengthening them and they get bigger and stronger. And so much like with a broken heart, [00:05:00] much like, you know, we've been disappointed by people, it's hard to make friends. Being disappointed and heartbroken over a friendship is just kind of the same level as, you know, doing it with a lover. You know, doing it by mean, I mean, you know, by breaking up, it's still, it's a very bad feeling, right, right. And MATT: if we take a look externally too, you will see people who go through terrible things, cancer, et cetera, they'll get tattoos over the scars or they'll, they won't hide the scars. You open it up for other people to come in. Fawn: Stop pining away for what was. Let go. It's done. It's done. It's done. There's so much out there and what you do is you allow for those spaces, those cracks to be filled and but I started to get some understandings on my own about heartbreak and how we can fill [00:06:00] that up, you know? Right. And really, you just have to Force yourself to allow others to come in MATT: force yourself to allow others to come in. Fawn: Why why you say like just MATT: that? That's exactly what you just said. Yeah, I know. I know but it sounded Fawn: like you're mocking me Well, MATT: I would say on some level you do need to like force yourself out of Whatever your routines are because you're gonna be constantly reminded of the familiar which unfortunately if in the case of heartbreak isn't Part of your reality anymore. So I understand that but Fawn: I'm saying force yourself because the tendency is to close off Right. Yes, so you have to force yourself to allow others to come in because you're thinking I'm never gonna do that again I'm not even going to put myself in a situation to have someone do that to me again So I'm not gonna put myself out there. So yeah, you do have to force yourself [00:07:00] What do you understand what I'm saying? I MATT: do Fawn: So It reminds me of, okay, so just talking about this week. So you're off to a new venture and I know that in the past, you've gone to certain meetups and it's been disappointing, MATT: right? Right. And I expect this to perhaps be similar, Fawn: but it's the same thing. Allow for the good to come in. Allow for it. Don't be closed off by a bad experience. MATT: Right. And I agree. And, yeah, that's So, Fawn: tell our friends what you're gonna do today. MATT: Oh my god. Okay, so for all you non computer programmers, which of course is 99. 999999 Fawn: it doesn't matter. You don't It's not about being a programmer. I'm MATT: gonna go hang out with the Computer programmers today in a meetup. You're Fawn: basically going to a meetup. MATT: It's a meetup, but it's for programmers. Fawn: It's going out there to do something you're interested in. To be a part of, to meet people that are like [00:08:00] hearted. MATT: Right. Yes. Absolutely, and we're going to see how that goes, but I have to be there right at when it starts because that's when everybody introduces themselves. Okay, Fawn: so we have to hurry. MATT: So, anyways. So yeah, so I'm excited, but by the same token, I also want to make sure that it's, it's almost like, once again, it's like, it's like a first date. It's like a job interview. It's like an everything else. I want to make sure I put my best foot forward. Fawn: Why? Why can't you just be yourself? MATT: You absolutely can, but you shouldn't be that, that version of yourself that wears a torn shirt. It's too much Fawn: pressure. It's too much pressure. Be yourself It takes too much effort to pull everything together and make sure your collar straight Then I'm just that's because I was taking photos of Matt earlier this morning and I couldn't get his collar to be straight Completely unrelated purpose. So but anyway, what I'm saying is it takes too much effort and, and I think you just cut the, cut the BS by just being [00:09:00] yourself and I think it attracts people to you more. I keep interrupting him, he's getting upset. You keep, do you, you, now I forgot what I was going to say. What were you going to say? Oh! MATT: I broke your key. No, what I was going to say is, you need to do more, more than the minimum amount of effort, but you still need to represent yourself. As perhaps a slightly better version of your day to day self, as far as how you look. So like today, for instance, I'm not wearing holey jeans. My shirt is clean, because I've got some stainy shirts. And the, and the collar itself doesn't have any like, bleh, weirdness to it. Now I always wear, every single day, I wear like an Oxford shirt. But I picked the one that's not thrashed. Fawn: We need to go shopping. No, we don't. Yes, we do. What, the last time was what, 16 years ago? MATT: Look, I'll go get Van Housen [00:10:00] Oxfords, cause that's what I wear. And I'll just get the back, I'll get all the colors again, and we'll call it a day. Fawn: Nice commercial for Van Housen. MATT: Hey, I like the Van Housen blue. Fawn: But what I'm saying is, yes, okay, you can treat that as ceremony, in that you, you're polishing stuff, in a way. Right. You know, you're polishing yourself, but. Just be yourself. You're putting too much pressure on it, and that causes awkwardness. Well, as soon as I open my MATT: mouth, I will be absolutely 100 percent me. Rock on. Oh, yeah. MATT: Cause I can't hide that, but I also don't, I, I can scare people off. Yeah. Fawn: Well, also. See? MATT: You said yeah. Fawn: Well, yeah, I mean, the first time I ever saw you I thought you were a gangster. You, you, You, You look scary. MATT: Well, thank you, my love. Fawn: Sheesh. Well, until you show who you are. Yeah, you do look intimidating. Stop it. You do. You do. And [00:11:00] then, if you're not in the habit of talking to people or being out there, there are awkward moments. But you have to also remember that. Like, remember when you told that lady we were trying to hire someone to help us with our house? With the floors? I'm just telling you. I'm telling our friends. Okay, so, we were trying to find someone to help us with the floors. , we were moving into a house and we needed things done quickly. Nobody was available. And Matt found someone finally. And then, she ended up saying, Oh, I'm really busy. It was her own business. And we understood business and having our own business, so. We understood that that's wonderful. And you said good for you, but she heard it as the most sarcastic bad for MATT: me. Fawn: Like she just took it in a rude. She thought you were being rude on purpose. Like good for you. But I didn't say it like You didn't, but that's how it came across. So you have to be careful of tone. [00:12:00] MATT: I know, and that's why Oh my goodness, I am so So yesterday, right? I'm with The Youngest, we roll up to Dunkin Donuts We pull in right next to this jeep And this guy, this jeep had like Oh my, I don't even know Like his, the antenna for like his Uh, CB, I guess. I don't know. But, where it hit the car, it was a shell. It literally looked like a, um, bullet. Bullet shell. And I was right next to him. He was standing right there. He's going to do something to his car. Then he stopped and paused to let me out of the car. And I said, thank you, sir, because I always say, sir, to everybody. So it comes across as shockingly genuine. Cause I do it all the time. And then I joked with him and moved on with my life. He was actually taking the top off of his Jeep. And I was like, Oh, that's the way to do it today. Well done. But you know, Fawn: boom. What does that have to do with anything? [00:13:00] MATT: Uh oh. Zing! Oh! I can communicate with anybody. I'm being, I, I, I'm very conscious now and I'm extremely Fawn: taking my time, MATT: genuine and good. So ha, I've grown. I've grown. Even that, Fawn: even that you're putting too much pressure on yourself because you're like, I know better now. But those things happen to everyone. Those good for you moments happen to everyone. So I'm just saying. So when does it MATT: happen to you? Fawn: All the time. MATT: Well, can we start citing that instead of always citing mine? Well, Fawn: I'm, I speak to less people now than you do, so I don't know. , I'm always at the computer now, so I, I don't know. I mean, yeah, I mean, it's just the way, it's a, it's on my face. I think it's my background. Like sometimes, you know, I'm looking at something that totally is pleasing to me. Joyful to me, but my face [00:14:00] looks like I'm either bored or like disgusted. MATT: Oh my God. The first time you and I went to a romantic comedy and I'm like looking over. Right. Because you know, you look at your date when you're out and you were like, mm. Fawn: But inside I was so joyful. But you were . Yeah. My face doesn't, it's really funny. I'm just saying my face doesn't always match my emotions. I know. You know, and also. My face does match my emotions. So that means I can't, if I don't like you, I cannot hide it. I cannot fake it. Oh my god. Anyway, I'm just saying it happens, right? And if, if you're not used to going out all the time, or if you're not used to throwing a party, and you're not used to baking, or you're not used to entertaining, Yeah, when you have that party, it's going to be horrible, and stressful, because you're not used to it. So what if the cake falls on the floor and slides around? Oh well! [00:15:00] But if it's your first time, or if you haven't done it in a while, It's like a disaster for you and everything is ruined. Hence the stress of Thanksgiving. But no, but that just comes, it comes with a, it's part of the flow, you know? MATT: Right. Fawn: I get it. So it's just something to remember when you go out there again. to meet new people. And that's it. That's my, that's my thing this week. How about you? MATT: I'm just looking forward and yet dreading going to that meetup today. So we'll have to see how it goes and I'll report back. Fawn: Yeah, I mean, it's, is it like the dread when you're jumping into a lake or a swimming pool and you're like, oh, it's too cold or like, oh, but once you're in there, the water is fine. MATT: It's like the dread of going to an, going to an in person interview. Yeah. Because I don't know where I'm going, it's in a strange place, I've never been there before, I could get lost, I don't know anybody there, and it is just enough quasi professional because, you know, everybody's gonna stand around and say, well, [00:16:00] I'm a blah blah blah programmer and I work on this and I'm curi nuh. Fawn: Well take every lesson you've learned from the past and keep that in mind, however, at the same time, be open to goodness to fill the cracks. Yes. MATT: Yes. With lacquered gold. Fawn: There you go. That's it for us because, you know, Matt is, he has to go to the thing now. We'll talk to you soon. Have a beautiful every day. MATT: Be well.