Friend breakups are just as painful as romantic break-ups. We have some strategies and stories to share that will have you feeling better.
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[00:00:00] Fawn: Good morning. Good afternoon. Good evening. Good. All everything. Hi everybody. Hey, I don't know if it's the subject matter today, but I'm in a mood right now.
[00:00:13] Matt: Sounds like I'm going to be tapping today. You know
[00:00:17] Fawn: what? I don't think. I think no matter what you do right now, it's going to get all my last nerves.
[00:00:23] Matt: So if I'm quiet, I'm in trouble. If I talk in trouble. Oh yeah.
[00:00:27] Fawn: Everything. Everything is bothering me right now. Um, love LOVE IS WINNING. Um, it's the inner fight within that says I am done. And the other side of you you that is used to this situation or person to the point that stopping is like cutting off a vital part of life.
This makes no sense to you cause you have no idea what I'm about to discuss today, right, Matt?
[00:00:59] Matt: Well, [00:01:00] I, I guess we'll see,
[00:01:02] Fawn: it's kind of like, what I'm about to talk about is kind of. And not kind of, but to me, what I've noticed is actually like a chemical addiction. Uh, today's topic is, are you ready?
Matt has no idea. The breakup.
[00:01:25] Matt: Yeah. Raise your hand if you've been through a breakup and that your hand, if you went well
[00:01:29] Fawn: now, well, I raising my hand. I had one that finally went well and I use it as an nugget of wisdom from Santa Monica. And I'm not talking about like romantic breakup per se. I'm talking about break up in general,
breaking up with a friend it is so hard and you think, oh, well it's just a friend, but oh my God, it is incredibly painful. Horrible. So I have some ways that will help with that [00:02:00] pain because breakup looking at the etymology of it, it's a disruption; disillusion of connection; separation into parts. Even the sound of break has ache in it, meaning pain.
Now ache is defined as, a,dull pain, but oh my God, when it goes on and on, or it could be a sharp pain, actually, you know what I mean? It's horrible, but we have some solutions. I mean, I definitely have some solutions. Do you have solutions that you have no idea what the subject would be until we, I just said it.
[00:02:35] Matt: Yeah, I know. And I'm like thinking through breakups of my past. So you got to give me a minute.
[00:02:41] Fawn: So this is what my thought was, as I was sitting at my desk about a breakup. I'll repeat it again. It's the inner fight within that says I am done. And then there's another side of you that is so used to this person or situation that it's, it's like stopping [00:03:00] or cutting off a vital part of you and it doesn't want you to stop. So there's that war between the two of I gotta get outta here. I gotta stop this to the other side saying, no, I miss this. I need this. Whether it's the person or a situation, but I'll use a negative wisdom from Santa Monica.
Remember I told you guys I was engaged to that buffoon
[00:03:25] Matt: not me folks,
[00:03:26] Fawn: not you.
[00:03:27] Matt: Although I do have my moments,
[00:03:31] Fawn: you know, I was engaged to this guy who had major mother issues. This mother he had was extremely racist and she was, she was everything that she hated about me was not even true.
It was herself. Right. I noticed this years later, because I was like, just caught up in the whirlwind of what the heck is [00:04:00] going on? Why is this person mistreating me in such a way, both of them, the mother and the buffoon. She was just extremely racist. She was originally from England and was a flight attendant and met this famous actor and got pregnant.
I don't know how, what the situation was with the buffoons dad and this racist , but. it just appeared now that I'm looking back at it years later that she glommed on to this guy who was rich and famous, famous actor. Right. And she, I don't know. I mean, she assumed I was her because first of all, I had no idea about their finances.
I had no idea that the dad was a famous, famous actor, until we started dating, like I had no clue. And yet the, the dad and I had many things in common. So I don't know. There was just this hate [00:05:00] on so many levels. Anyway, it's a long story. Nevermind. I digress. It doesn't matter.
It's so it doesn't matter. But like with this buffoon, we broke up a few times .
[00:05:10] Matt: As things typically seem to go back in your teens and twenties, for sure. And
[00:05:15] Fawn: yeah, I was in my twenties and so. Just that it was so hard, the back and forth until I was going on assignment, I was doing a photo shoot in Ethiopia.
I was on the plane. And I just had a sense, like, and we were, we were engaged. Like he broke it off because I was going to Africa, you know, he gave me an ultimatum. I'm like, bye buddy. Right? So I'm like, bye buddy. See ya. So I was off and then there was this grand gesture before I left.
. But my heart wasn't that into it anymore. Cause I, it was just, I'm like, wow, this is ridiculous. Like all this buffoonery if that's a word, I'll just make it up. If it's not, [00:06:00] are you serious? Yes. And so I was on the plane. I remember the plane was empty. I was sitting in the middle of the plane and something came over me and what that, something was.
And I'll use this as a nugget of wisdom from Santa Monica, even though I was somewhere in the atmosphere, on the way to Ethiopia. I just said, you know what? I don't want any more pain. I'm done. I don't want any more pain. And so I went on my photo shoot, which was a very long photo shoot, like two months.
And when I came back, I was on the phone and I had many signs along the way of like, this is not meant for me, like bad, you know, like bad omens,
[00:06:43] Matt: you were attacked by clowns
[00:06:44] Fawn: or no, that. Like, for example, I would think to myself, is this relationship going to be, and all of a sudden at that precise moment Geramo who was, , one of the [00:07:00] two people that was guiding, me in Ethiopia, he was driving.
He at the same precise moment I had that thought in my head "is this relationship to be?" he turned on the radio. And some song came on saying, love is gone, baby love is gone. Like that was, those were the words, but that I immediately knew, oh my God, that that's for me. Do you know what I mean?
So anyway, when I came back, there was a phone call and the guy was like, I'm I'm uh, I want to break up and I was like, okay, cool, bye. Like that was it. , and he wanted this long drawn out conversation. He's like, do you want to meet in person? I'm like, no, I'm good. Thanks. I was so done and it doesn't have to be painful.
Do you know what I mean? Like, if you can just declare that you're done with pain, you don't want any more pain I'm telling you. There's such magic in that and you can walk away, but it's not always that [00:08:00] easy. You have to get to that point. There, you have it. That's my take. Do you want to add anything before I pontificate even more?
Cause I have a lot to say it's not fair. I know because I, I come into the podcast knowing what we're going to talk about and you're like, no, no, just surprise me. So here we go.
[00:08:15] Matt: Well you did do a couple of the things I think that are necessary to do inside of like really letting go breaking up, et cetera, et cetera.
You identified and you understood the fatigue and pain and you focus maybe more on the negatives and the positive, certainly in your story, you did, as well as I think this is the most key thing is you changed your routine and you changed it drastically. You went to flip'n Africa, you went out, hung out with the tribes for weeks.
You had an entire experience and a life shaping experience after you had split away. Now, technically speaking lawyering up, maybe you guys were together because you hadn't quote unquote broken up and [00:09:00] I'm a firm believer in making sure everybody knows where they stood stand. Um, but you had then grown off in your own direction.
So you weren't part of the same thing. Now it doesn't necessarily have to be at the end of a relationship when you do that, but it doesn't hurt if you want to end a relationship to do something like that. And months too. I think had you gone for a week or two weeks, it could have been a very different outcome, but you had a chance to like breathe in and out your new self, this changed self and you realize that, you know, you, even, if you were to go back to him, that you would have to then now explain who you were now because you had changed, you know,
[00:09:44] Fawn: Right.
And then we change all the time. We change
[00:09:48] Matt: We do change all the time, but if we're seeing someone, every week or every day, every hour, those changes aren't necessarily needing explanation. You know, [00:10:00] you're not growing off in a brand new direction, the other person, and can bear, witness can experience it as you experience it.
So. That's what I want to say about that. I'll go ahead, pontificate.
[00:10:11] Fawn: Well, I have so much to say, where do I start? Like, I, I want to talk about, okay. So yeah, I had the opportunity to be working, so I was far away. I was on the other side of the planet and they bad gave me better perspective for sure. What do we do when we're not traveling in the atmosphere and going to the other side of the world.
[00:10:34] Matt: You're stalking on Facebook. No,
[00:10:38] Fawn: no, no. You know. Okay. For example, friend breakup for me, and this is where like the chemical addiction comes in. So nowhere to go inside of a pandemic, I would talk to friend A every day. Every day, anytime she called boom, I was right there, even though I had things to do, [00:11:00] I would literally drop and I do this for all my friends.
I drop everything and I talk to them. Right. But I find there are a couple of friends the past year I've I've had to look at and go, whoa, are they the type three friends that I always searched for, for not only myself, for you, for our kids, but like, All of our friends listening, you know, the Aristotle method.
Right. So I was like, wow, I had to take a look at it and be really honest and go, is this a true friend? Is this a friend that is only friends with me because of what they're getting from being friends with me, is it a friend who is just friends with me because I make them feel good. Right. Right.
And I had to come to terms with that. And it was like, Like, Aw, man, here we go again. It's another number one. And it's another number two. It's definitely not three, three being they love you for who you are, no matter what. [00:12:00] True friend, long lasting everlasting friend, evergreen friend. Can I say that? And so I realized this with one of our friends the last few months, and I knew it as it was happening.
I'm like, look at this with two friends. Actually, every time they call, I am there. They only call me when they're on the road, driving by themselves or they're walking the dog or somewhere where they're not heard. I got, I got away from
[00:12:29] Matt: kids. I got time. Um, you know, maybe bored. So I'll call I'll
[00:12:34] Fawn: call Fawn.
It just felt like they were, they didn't want our conversations to be overheard by anyone, including their children. Do you know what I mean? I bought, I involve, I involve our kids and everything because everything is a beautiful learning experience. Even when we, you and I have quibbles, we kind
[00:12:59] Matt: of can't escape [00:13:00] it when we have quibbles darling.
[00:13:01] Fawn: Well, the it's, uh, it means fight right when we have quibbles. I want them to see that. First of all, it's not violent or anything. It's just a quibble. . But still emotions are high at some time sometimes, but they need to see nothing because they need to see us resolve it and which we always do knock on wood.
Okay. So I, I just don't understand this hiding thing. Right. And I noticed that they were hiding our friendship and I really don't know their perspective because I never really brought it up because it felt like they were the kind of friends where if I did bring it up, they would be like, so. Uh, what do you call it when they get diff defensive, defensive?
And I don't want to get into it cause it's, I don't want to get into it. Right, right. I just don't want to. So I had to wean myself off of this one particular friend. We talked every day, but I [00:14:00] noticed it was mainly her stuff we were talking about. And sometimes it would be my stuff and it would be great, you know?
Cause you know, she was really there for me. We were there for each other. But I stopped first by accident. I stopped picking up the phone immediately, and then I started to realize, look at that, like what would happen if I didn't invest my entire energy into this person? What would happen? Well the phone calls stop being as frequent. Right. And every day I had to wean myself off of this friendship. Every day I wanted to pick up the phone and call and it was so hard not to I'm like, oh my God, this is like being in my twenties again and stopping myself from making a call. You know what I mean? Like picking up the phone to call this guy or whatever.
He just, it was, it was hard. And after some weeks went on and after some months went on, I'm like, totally good. Now [00:15:00] I feel like I'm disinfected. I feel like I got it out of my system, whatever I was addicted to. I'm like, okay, I'm good now.
[00:15:10] Matt: I'm good. Well, they say it takes two weeks to create a habit.
[00:15:14] Fawn: It took way longer than 2 weeks though.
[00:15:16] Matt: the trick I think to undo a habit probably takes a lot longer. Oh my God. It was hard. And they also talk about like breakups. Like the rule of breakups is for every six months, you're in a relationship. It takes one month to a,
[00:15:28] Fawn: I never, I never like any kind of rules like that. I, I never fit into any kind of a box it's I, that, that never worked for me.
[00:15:38] Matt: Understand what that's saying. That's saying that the feelings will end. It's going to take time. That's really what it's saying, because
[00:15:47] Fawn: it'll take longer than you think.
[00:15:50] Matt: Maybe just be prepared. It's going to take a minute, right.
[00:15:54] Fawn: Or not like me on the plane. Like I was like click off.
[00:15:59] Matt: Well, yeah, but [00:16:00] could you have gotten a hold of him easily from Africa at that time?
[00:16:07] Fawn: no interest in doing that,
[00:16:09] Matt: That wasn't the question that clearly was not the question. I mean, you were camped out in the middle of the Bush, it was you two guides, and a truck, you know what I mean? In the middle of nowhere, Did you have a satellite phone on, you?
[00:16:24] Fawn: No!,
[00:16:25] Matt: and there you go, folks. So, I mean, even if you had that fleeting moment of: "I wonder" you couldn't have acted on it, so that's not necessary. And that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. Right. That was a great thing. Exactly. I mean, you knew. , it's like when you're on a plane, like you get on the plane and , you're going from, let's say LA to New York and you know, it's going to take hours.
You're not in a hurry to get to New York. You're understanding that, if you're on the edge of your seat saying, are we there yet? Are we there? It's just going to make the trip miserable. And so you settle into the journey. [00:17:00]
[00:17:00] Fawn: So at least that's what I do. That's, that's a good point, Matt, for all of life, for anything, settle into the journey, settling in the now completely.
[00:17:08] Matt: Exactly. I mean, do you remember that? Do you remember that train trip? We took from Seattle to LA, from Seattle. I'm not talking about going from LA to Seattle. I'm talking about Seattle to LA.
[00:17:21] Fawn: That was the worst. Oh my God. How many thousands of hours did it feel like we were on that? We were on that for what?
3, 4, 5, 6, 7,
[00:17:29] Matt: and LA to Seattle did feel that way. Seattle to LA felt that way. Once we got to San Francisco for me, because I remembered our trip that we took up and to get from LA to San Francisco takes, I don't know how many hours, but I had already that's when I was like settled in and I was making.
And I was drinking,
but I had settled in and I was mellow. And then, so I thought that the time was equivalent going from San Francisco [00:18:00] to LA and turns out it wasn't and it turns out I was just in a hurry to get to LA. So for those last like four or five hours, I want it to be there. Now. Now
[00:18:08] Fawn: this last 5, 6, 7, 18 million hours actually talk about buffoonery.
First of all, the trip down was different because the trip up, we were surrounded by a bunch of racists who you egged on by the way
[00:18:22] Matt: well, let's not talk about that. Let's just say we were, we were traveling. We weren't traveling. First-class going up.
[00:18:28] Fawn: So, Ooh, honey has nothing to do with class. You're right. It does nothing to do with
[00:18:33] Matt: back.
We did travel
[00:18:35] Fawn: first-class we did not. Did we? We did.
[00:18:38] Matt: We did. We did, are you serious? I don't know if it was first class, but it was.
[00:18:43] Fawn: Well, I want to say we made some friends and they were not
[00:18:47] Matt: rich or anything. Right. But we had access to that special car. We had our own room with bed. Yes, we did. We didn't, I don't remember that.
I remember because one of the most real experiences of my life, [00:19:00] I listened to Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon", lying in the bunk. That was, I could look out the window and I listen to the whole album. And that was a very surreal experience. It was one of a few surreal experiences. You were, you were probably in the club.
[00:19:16] Fawn: What was I doing? You were probably in the club car. Why wasn't I there with you? I was taking a moment. I did not recall sleeping anywhere.
[00:19:25] Matt: Anyways. It was wonderfully surreal because there's the clackity clackity clack, but I digress.
[00:19:31] Fawn: C. All I remember was buffoonery because the train was so late, the train was so late and we were so like, we didn't know, and it stopped for a while.
Remember, and we couldn't get off. We couldn't do anything. We couldn't get off of the train. We had to just sit there. And it got so bad that we were all laughing hysterically for nothing. It was like we were on drugs or something [00:20:00] like seriously. Like, do you remember that we were laughing hysterically at nothing, because we were like, what, what is going on?
Nothing was working. And then. I w I had to go to the bathroom and I came back. I'm like, you guys, I may have caught a sexual transmitted disease from the bathroom. Like I started freaking out about everything and we became friends with the other people and we actually saw them for a couple of years off the train.
Right. It was so cool. But that train ride was like, wow. Anyway, we digress. Wow. How did we get here? What w w what brought us here? What
[00:20:38] Matt: were you talking about? I had a great point now. I can't remember. Oh, I think I was talking about the, were talking about how you couldn't have gotten a hold of this person when you were in Africa.
And I was describing how you need to settle into your journey. And then I described when I didn't settle into my journey, that was like, and I was like miserable because I just want to be home. I just [00:21:00] want to be home. I just want to be home. That's all I could hear on the train. Take me home. Take me home.
[00:21:06] Fawn: So let's say you're not on a train or a plane or a bus or anything that you are stuck in your hometown. How do you deal with a breakup? I had to do this. I turned to one of the movies with a soundtrack and I hate, I hate musicals by the way. I can't stand them. They're so cheesy to me, but I would watch "Mama Mia".
[00:21:32] Matt: Which, by the way, my friend who loves musicals just told me that that's just terrible.
[00:21:36] Fawn: See, it's the opposite, right? I hate musicals, but I love "Mamma Mia", you know, Abba for the win. And I never liked Abba, never liked Abba until "Mama Mia" then I'm like, okay, that's cool. But here's what I did to get over a friend breakup.
I would was a, we even got the CDs, we got the soundtrack to "Mama Mia", and I'm not saying go and get this particular soundtrack, but I'm just telling [00:22:00] you, this is what helped me when I had nowhere to fly and I was stuck and trying to get over a friend breakup that was ugly. You guys, it was so ugly. So. I mean beyond ugly, took a very long time to get over that mess. When you were at work, and I had some time alone, I would blast the stereo on this one particular song and just shout at it.
And every time I did that, the pain went away, the chemical reaction, you know, the addiction type feeling I was describing. It went away every time and, kudos to the guy downstairs who lives downstairs.
[00:22:42] Matt: Cause artists you've been patient with us lately hasn't he?
[00:22:45] Fawn: I
mean, thank you. Thank you, neighbor downstairs, because we would literally be tiptoeing and being quiet, sitting down, not even walking and he would complain and beat the ceiling.
Beat our floor, which is his ceiling, but like I [00:23:00] would blast this and maybe he knew I was in a lot of emotional pain, but I would blast this and just shout at it, you know, shout the music with it. You know, like the words, the lyrics, right. Until I felt better. And then I'll always was quiet. And S so this
[00:23:16] Matt: begs the question now, are you a true metal head?
Did you listen to you and know your love on.
[00:23:25] Fawn: That's not true, like hardcore, but yeah, I would listen to your music, Matt. Well, hold
[00:23:30] Matt: on. No, no, no stop. Because there have been multiple metal artists. Who've covered that particular song.
[00:23:38] Fawn: What song do you think?
[00:23:40] Matt: I don't know what song you're talking about.
[00:23:42] Fawn: What song are you talking about?
All your love on me. Describe it. W w we don't want to get in trouble. We can't pay for
[00:23:47] Matt: it, but don't go wasting your emotions oh
[00:23:52] Fawn: my God. First of all, you know, I have a history with that song. I have a history with I'm just saying [00:24:00] yes. Yes,
[00:24:00] Matt: I have. There are multiple metal artists who have covered that song. I am
[00:24:06] Fawn: not kidding.
Right. And it is in mama Mia actually. Yeah, you're right. You're right. I'm sorry, what was the question? What was the
[00:24:14] Matt: song you would jam out to? It was a couple songs. Oh, I see you said one. So now you're changing
[00:24:19] Fawn: it. I'm sorry. Okay. It was, it doesn't matter. What I'm trying to say is, cause I don't want to, I want to say, but it, it, it talked about the pain of separation, you know, it, whatever it was, it helped me.
[00:24:36] Matt: One of my favorite science fiction authors. And unfortunately I have to say one up now because he's letting me down lately. But anyways, he wrote shared joy is increased shared pain is lessened. So, if you share your joy with other people and increases the joy, if you share your pain with others, it helps diffuse it. It helps weaken it, lessen it. [00:25:00] So even when you're just connecting with an artist on the radio, or you're connecting with a soundtrack, you're still connecting right with somebody who's, at least going to pretend they understand your pain and wants you to feel better.
[00:25:12] Fawn: So a lot of the songs from mamma Mia, that.
A lot of them were helping. So it was more than one song, but the one that would, that I would replay all the time is the one where, and it's funny, cause I can't really answer that question because I'm actually literally blanking out on it at the moment because he put me on the spot, but it's the song where they're going up to the church.
It's towards the end of the movie.
[00:25:36] Matt: Honestly, I know y'all have seen the movie about 87 times in this house. My God. I've never seen the whole thing. Okay.
[00:25:43] Fawn: Well, there's a scene where the two lovers are finally having the discussion of, you hurt me, you walked away. No, you walked away. You know, whatever it is.
It's like, oh yeah, yeah. Okay, Matt. Thanks. I don't know, see I'm, [00:26:00] we're looking at the titles right now and I don't know, I would have to hear it, but I literally, I listened to it so much and I screamed to it so much, but yet I can't tell you what song, which song it is right now. Um, maybe. Does it really matter?
[00:26:15] Matt: it doesn't. I was just curious because of the ABBA metal connection, which is not something that seems logically intuitive, but I think, , European, like heavy metal artists are more polyglots when it comes to listening to music and, heavily influenced by the first bands that they listened to when they were children.
So the Beatles are a huge influence and in Sweden and other Scandinavian countries, Abba dominated all
[00:26:43] Fawn: for awhile. And you know what? This, the one we got the CD, not all the songs are on the CD, but I think it was a song called when all is said and done. Right. It's with Pierce Pierce, Bronson and Meryl Streep.
I'm sorry. It's fine. [00:27:00] No, it says Brosnan.
[00:27:01] Matt: That's what I just said.
[00:27:04] Fawn: Oh, okay. Nevermind. Whatever it doesn't matter. Anyway. So
[00:27:07] Matt: you're going to have to do some interesting editing
[00:27:09] Fawn: on this one. I'm not, not oh yeah. This is my full glory. Huh? All right. So that helped me in listening to music really loud. And when I'm really angry, this is when I'm sad and like hurt.
But when I'm angry, I turn into your files, your music files, which I loved. And then it's, sometimes it's not angry enough. I'm like, what is this stuff? And I don't use the word stuff. I'm like this sounds so like hokey and like listening. No, I w okay. I'll just tell you. Yes, I know. I was trying to act tough the other week I had to call you from the car.
I'm like, what is this? What the hell? I'm like, this is not angry music. It sounds like angry music. If you don't really
[00:27:50] Matt: pay attention, it sounds like angry music. When you read the song titles, we digress.
[00:27:55] Fawn: So what helps me is to listen to angry music and what helps me is listening to how Halford [00:28:00] a Judas
[00:28:01] Matt: priest.
Yeah. You just wait, there's a new, there's a new something. Some, so I'm going to drop that. It's very promising.
[00:28:07] Fawn: And then there's another. Do you think
[00:28:10] Matt: it's right up your alley?
[00:28:11] Fawn: No. Wait, and then there's another one. I don't know who they are, but it's not, I can't even say it because it's foul language that I can't use on the air, but it's just like, oh my God.
So in what you bleep
[00:28:31] Matt: Metallica. I actually prefer the original version, which was done by the anti nowhere league, which was a punk band in England in like the early eighties.
[00:28:41] Fawn: Well, listening to them helps. Right. It helps a lot. So that's what helped me. Before we wrap up the show, can you explain what helps you during breakups and how, how do you get over stuff,
[00:28:54] Matt: changing the routine, big change it.
And it really depends on the depth of the relation. [00:29:00] But it's a big change in the routine. Now. See, when, when guys break up friendships with other guys, it just turns into silence. There's just radio, silence. And the thing is, is if your life is busy, then you don't even notice that this thing has happened for weeks.
And so you've kind of gone through your routine and your breakup. And I have cycles, , in my year. Case in point, in the spring, I used to ride to work well, I'm not doing that now, but still in the springtime I ride to work in July, I've got the tour de France in, fall to winter football season starts.
So, there are certain routines that come up and there are certain, cycles that come up. And so when somebody stops talking to me, oftentimes I won't even understand. And then I'll ping them. They don't get back to me and they ping me. I ping them twice by the time I ping them the second time, which is basically just kind of like a, okay, I'm guessing you don't want to talk to me.
And I don't say that in the text message or however [00:30:00] I talked to them, and then I let it go, but that's just, it, the people I love most are under this roof. All the people. And I described that to other people. I say, everybody, I really love is under this roof. So on some level I'm okay now with that said, yeah, my buddy Sini,
[00:30:19] Fawn: we love,
[00:30:20] Matt: we hadn't talked in like a week or two.
And I was like, did I do something? You know, I immediately went to all that because you know, he's one of those few people that I do. Strive to keep in touch with. And I didn't realize, cause we have an ebb and flow again, talk to
[00:30:35] Fawn: each other.
[00:30:37] Matt: Um, but uh, you know, I got back in touch with them and I was making sure everything was cool.
Right. You know, for the rest, for the rest, sadly, you know, I'm, I'm, I'm in touch, but I'm not like so ingrained
[00:30:55] Fawn: And that sand actually, it is because we are actually ourselves going [00:31:00] through the thing of the art of friendship, we ourselves are trying to find our tribe. Right, right. And we've found them through, through our work here and because of the pandemic, we haven't been able to get together with everyone because there are halfway around the world.
But yeah. That's yeah. It's, it's very interesting. It's such a guy thing. You know, that's a big difference now
[00:31:24] Matt: with that said, you know, I am in the process of forging relationships. So it's not a question of, of that, but, um, it's, it's, it turns out it's a very slow process for me personally. I'm very cautious and guided and careful yeah.
Case in point. I, I told somebody who I'm in the process of becoming friends with, , that I'm vegan and I just brought it up just as a random, whatever. That's not something I typically share, and I don't typically need to share, so I don't because that carries so much baggage, but I had figured that we had gotten to a place where [00:32:00] we could see each other as three-dimensional entities, as opposed to one or two dimensional entity.
Which is what happens. What is an evangelical Christian like? Ooh, that's a one-dimensional statement. Well, no! Oh my God. I used to carpool with a guy who was evangelical Christian. He was lovely. He wasn't like preachy. I mean, I started asking him questions and can't dive into those personal, personal philosophy.
Cause it can't help myself. He was, he was a delight, frankly. He wasn't like standing on a soap box, making me feel like shit, which is, I think I've taken that now forward when I talk about being vegan, I make it a point not to be, you know, that way.
[00:32:40] Fawn: I know it's such a tricky thing to throw things out, out there like that.
So political, it is like, so you have to warn someone say, by the way, I'm vegan, by the way, I'm a Virgin, by the way, you know what I mean? It's like all these things that you feel like. Are such guards or are there such, uh no-nos for other [00:33:00] people or weird weirdnesses?
[00:33:03] Matt: Yes, it can. It can, it can land you in a weird state with somebody because people assume, and people would be, you know, it's like, oh, Hey, I know this great steak place.
Well, hopefully you've had the conversation about being a vegan before that, as opposed to basically just smacking them down. But anyways, digression changing your routine. and this is again, very, very powerful. And it's, it's about doing something completely from left field, basically just maybe something you've always wanted to do something you've always wanted to try something you've always said, I know, one day I will, you know, just going forward and doing that is honestly the biggest, Way, best way to get over a breakup.
And don't you think the
[00:33:46] Fawn: fastest way to get over a breakup is to really go and be nice to yourself and listen to yourself like do I I really feel good in this relationship. Did I really [00:34:00] was I really respected. Do I respect myself? Like, why was I in that? What did I gain from this thing? What is it that makes me want to stay anyway? To really just be nice to yourself and Polish yourself up that, that to me, when you do stuff like that, and you're kind to yourself in all ways; emotionally, physically like making yourself something delicious to eat,making yourself a beautiful drink, whether it's a nice cup of tea or whatever drink, I don't know. But whatever that gives you comfort, like just stay in that and, and host yourself. I think that makes you get over a breakup way faster that way, because you're not concentrating on the other person.
[00:34:47] Matt: You're focused. You just threw out a dichotomy there. First of all. Ignore every word my wife just said, why has to deal with fastest? Oh,
[00:34:57] Fawn: okay. Well I'm just,[00:35:00]
[00:35:02] Matt: it's like when I'm sick and I'm just starting to feel better. I want to feel better right now. And, and the way I know I feel better is when I eat something spicy. So I'll serve myself something spicy and I'll be like, ah, You have to let it breathe. You have to
[00:35:17] Fawn: excuse me,
[00:35:18] Matt: afford yourself the opportunity to breathe basically for yourself, the opportunity.
Yes. You said that, but first you said fastest. You have to let go of fastest. You have to just,
[00:35:30] Fawn: but it is fastest.
[00:35:34] Matt: You have to let go of fastest and heal and you'll know when you're on the other side. Because you'll feel it.
[00:35:44] Fawn: Yeah. But it also happens. Um, but if you try
[00:35:47] Matt: and rush it,
[00:35:49] Fawn: I'm not trying to rush it, but I'm just saying that's the most effective way is to do what I just said.
Don't take all my glory. It just happens to be a [00:36:00] fast way. That's all. I'm not saying. I see what you're saying. All right. Love is winning. Let's wrap it up.
[00:36:06] Matt: Just staring at her
[00:36:07] Fawn: quiche.
[00:36:08] Matt: All right. That was my Roy Kent
[00:36:10] Fawn: I don't know if you all have experienced the breakup, but if you are reach out to me, if you're not reached out to me to Matt, hello, our friendly world.com.
It's going to get better. This is when you know you're alive. When you're feeling all these things you are alive. All right. The world is a wild, wild place. And for the most part, it is beautiful. So just concentrate on what you want. Concentrate on the ideal that you want your life to be.
[00:36:45] Matt: go.
[00:36:49] Fawn: But I'm telling you, if you do what I said, you don't have to, but all right. All right. Love is winning. I, I think I'm, I'm good. I'm going to just leave it [00:37:00] at that today. All right. Love you guys. Thank you for listening. Talk to you soon. Bye-bye bye.
We begin with Socrates and the history and meaning of "APOLOGIA". How we should defend what we believe is true. We use Socrates as an example of the result of what happens when we go against the status quo. How can we stay safe and sane?And when mistakes happen, how do we apologize? How should we apologize? When is it ok not to apologize? We discuss the reasons why we fight and how we can reach a loving point. If you enjoy our show, please contribute by leaving us a little something, or a big something ;) buymeacoffee.com/friendlyspace TRANSCRIPT [00:00:00] Fawn: Here we go, here we go. Do you even know, do you even understand when you come up behind me and you scare the heck out of me when I'm in the kitchen and I'm deep in thought and I jump, am holding my heart and I feel traumatized because all of a sudden you're like you just come up from out of nowhere. It seems from my perspective, And it scares the hell out of me. And then you get mad. Then we get into a fight because really all I need is an apology. Like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. [00:00:37] Matt: Oh, timeout, timeout, timeout. I'm just walking up to you. I'm not trying to scare you. I'm [00:00:43] Fawn: just walking up. Here we go again, link. You know what? I don't even remember all of our fights. Like we have so many fights that miraculously, I don't even remember the fights. I just remember the general sense of annoyance and, ...
Our Kindness expert, Barry Lane is back to remind us that "Kindness is Truth, Kindness is Freedom." Barry soothes our nerves with his sweet songs (two new songs as we record live in Barry's studio - the second song is way at the end, so make sure you catch it) and words of wisdom as we navigate a possible WWIII, Civil War, life... and shows us HOPE and reminds us that everything is going to be OK. There are two new songs as we record live in Barry's studio - the second song is way at the end, so make sure you catch it. Barry: https://forcefieldforgood.com/ Barry's book: https://www.amazon.com/Force-Field-Barry-Colleen-Mestdagh/dp/1931492298/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1491102856&sr=8-1&keywords=force+field+for+good+barry+lane Transcript [00:00:00] Matt: Um, yeah. So how am I doing well? Um, yeah, um, challenging, um, to be honest, uh, [00:00:08] Barry: what's going on? [00:00:09] Matt: Yeah... So my mom right now is in hospice, so she's transitioning and I'm not dealing with it. Well, So an episode on kindness is going to be especially kind of challenging for me. Um, one of my favorite shows, which shouldn't be one of my favorite shows, but it is; it's "After Life" with Ricky Gervais , which is about a man who loses his wife and is falling over the whole time. And the only time he cries um, in the show, cause he's, he's, he's a, he's just an ass to everyone. Like he has so much hate and so much rage and so much, and he just doesn't care anymore. And he's like, ...
Two brilliant comics and a wise professor join our talk. Comics (and fellow hanvatans) Maz Jobrani and Tehran help us to explore the healing that happens in our society when we have levity. The principle function of laughter is the creation and the deepening of our social bonds. Laughter is a social tool, a form of communication conversations, if you've noticed that have laughter in them are the most long lasting. Laughter is a signal that says I'm wanting to engage with you further. It's a way to test the boundaries of our relationships and it's medicine. https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/ Maz Jobrani and Tehran: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/back-to-school-with-maz-jobrani/id1459194552 TRANSCRIPT: [00:00:00] Matt: [00:00:00] Hello, and welcome to a special edition of our friendly world with laundry mat. Fawn: [00:00:05] Yes, we have three amazing people. We have, a university professor Mostafa Purmehdi. We have two amazing comics, TV, personalities, movie personalities. It's Matt: [00:00:17] a slash slash slash slash so many things. Fawn: [00:00:20] Maz Jobrani and Tehran. And they could only be with us for like 40 minutes. and Matt: [00:00:27] We start the conversation with Mostafa they come in, they come, we continue the conversation with Mostafa. Fawn: [00:00:33] Yeah. They come in about the 10 minute point. I think of our show and then they leave and we kept the conversation going. We just kept talking, couldn't stop ourselves. Their time is very tight and they had to go onto their podcast, which is "Back to School with Maz Jobrani". We hope you enjoy have fun. Here it is… Laughter is Medicine with Maz Jobrani and Tehran and University Professor, Mostafa Purmehdi [00:00:00] Fawn: [00:00:00] Hello friends. Hello. Hello. Welcome to our friendly world. Today, we have three very special guests. I'm going to get ...