This episode continues our series for teens with our friend Maya Holland, founder of Tools for Teens, a meditation-based healing service that provides teenagers with ways to navigate personal and social matters through the use of energy medicine. To sign up for privates, group classes and read her blog about attending University in London, visit mayasimone.com Website: mayasimone.com Email: [email protected] Instagram: @maya.holland
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[00:00:00] Fawn: Welcome. Welcome. Welcome!
[00:00:04] Matt: Hello!
[00:00:04] Fawn: Bienvenue. . Thank you very much, everybody for listening. Welcome to our table. We are here with Maya Holland. Again, we're talking about tools for teens. Maya is the founder of tools for teens, a meditation based healing service that provides teenagers with ways to navigate personal and social matters through the use of energy medicine. We have her links here in the show. If you need to get ahold of her, which you should, everyone, she is brilliant. You can go to Maya, simone.com, M a Y a S I M O N e.com. Maya simone.com. She has a course tools for teens. Today we're going to talk about. Paying attention even to trifles.
Now, Matt, you and I did a show on this a few months ago, we did pay attention. It was what is, what was the title of [00:01:00] it? Right? Back then we were doing nuggets of wisdom from Santa Monica. Now we're really, I'm obsessed with etymology. So I thought I talked to you about before we get in, before Maya comes on, I wanted to talk about the word "attention."
What I'm going to describe is derived from the Greek. Yea, of course our whole foundation of this friendship movement is based on the Greek and the Nicomachean ethics, but you all know that. Okay. So the meaning derived from the Greek means true sense; a sense of truth.
The suffix "logia". Obviously is the study of, it means the study of, and then, so the meaning of it is giving heed, active direction of the mind upon some object or topic. And then you get into the old French"attencion" and[00:02:00] directly from Latin. I'm not going to say the word I'm totally mispronouncing Latin stuff, but basically means.
Attention and attentiveness, noun of action from past participle stem of "attendere" means give heed to literally means to stretch toward actually to stretch toward, from add to, to toward plus "tendere"means stretch. Now the PIE route "ten", you know, AttendeT E N that part of the word, that is what it means to stretch.
Isn't that interesting to stretch. before the 17th century then, getting into 1741, 1752, That's when the word really goes into meaning civility, courtesy and the power of mental [00:03:00] concentration. Now, when we talk about attention, we always bring up Musashi Miyamoto Musashi right?
And we have the Book of the Five Rings. We did a 10 minute show previously to this show today going over the nine rules right. Today we're bringing Maya on and we're talking about rule number eight, pay attention even to trifles. And I'm really, I'm really excited about Maya's take on this with her energy medicine, but I just wanted to say like what I, what I noticed with friendship and paying attention is micro movements or micro Deeds.
But like even a micro movement, like when you really pay attention to someone, something so tiny gives you all the information in the world that could be life-changing. And I think I talked about this before, but for example, when you're looking at someone and all of a sudden their lips disappear. What [00:04:00] does that mean?
They could be saying everything's cool, but if their lips disappear, you know, like when you put your lips together, like inside your mouth, like bite down like that, when people's lips disappear, that's a signal that they're not liking what they're seeing or hearing. So just like, you know, so basically that's what I always think about with people with relationships is paying attention to trifles. The tiniest little thing has the most profound meaning. And studying photography, that's what I was taught by my most amazing photography professor. he always said the things that most people ignore are the most profound. So that's why was in the beginning, I was such like this Renegade want to be fashion photographer.
And I was studying with this man who would photograph the most boring things. And he would, of course go through history and show, you know, Garry Winogrand and like all [00:05:00] these amazing masters in photography. And we would study their photographs and I I'll never forget it was me and this other kid, Donavan. And he was also this Renegade, like punk who took the most amazing photographs, but you know, he and I were like in class saying, what is this? Anyone could have photographed these things are so boring. Why is this up in a gallery? Anyone could have done it. And the response was, yeah, but not everyone did not anyone that, except for this one guy to pay attention to something that is so boring.
Like really take a look at it and see what it's trying to tell you. And so we would go into the boring photograph and analyze it for days, and it was amazing how much there was to talk about how much that I didn't see until later until I came to the understanding of this whole concept of pay attention, even to trifles.
What's your take on it, Matt?.
[00:05:59] Matt: Well, for [00:06:00] starters, I was surprised you didn't actually take a look at the etymology of trifle, because trifle is of course a British dessert that has cake and pudding
[00:06:07] Fawn: in it. Ah, delicious. That's what we did on the other show. We got into the trifle part,
[00:06:13] Matt: but for me, yeah, I there's a lot of heaviness in what you were talking about and I'm feeling very light today and I'm feeling much more in a mindset of the trifles that I think I'd rather pay attention to are the trifles. I should be grateful. So that's more my focus at this point. I find it interesting that certainly "stretch" is in there because I think that the call to action on when you do pay attention to a trifle is typically going to maybe make you feel a little uncomfortable because you're going to notice things that, and maybe comment on things that maybe are uncomfortable to talk about, like, you know, why are your hands crossed? Or, you know, as simple as that to, what is, why is the person hiding their [00:07:00] lips, as you said? These are more of the things that are interesting to me, but honestly, I think rather than listening to myself, blabber on, I think I'd much rather listen
[00:07:06] Fawn: to Maya. Let's let's get Maya on here, actually.
She's right here you guys, she's just quiet. Welcome Maya, everyone. You by now, you all know Maya, Maya Holland. Thank you so much for coming. Of course. Thank you
[00:07:21] Maya: for having me again.
[00:07:23] Fawn: It's been so great in talking to you and it's been such a wonderful journey one that is going to keep on going with you.
We're so excited to have you with us as our partner here, as we get into talking about everything, all the tools that we need as human beings, but especially for younger people. Take it away Maya. Hi.
[00:07:47] Maya: Hello. So I think I really like this, , this role of Musashi is because I think a lot of times people can kind of lose sight of the little [00:08:00] tiny things in life that are the most beautiful.
And I know that's really cheesy, but I think focusing on the little details really helps us stay in the present moment. And. Learn new things from other people and like open our minds to learn which like when we're constantly learning from each other, there's nothing too tiny that we can't benefit from studying.
So I think like oftentimes the biggest lessons come from the smallest moments, which we can easily surpass if we're not paying attention.
[00:08:35] Fawn: So true. I remember, as we were talking about this last week, you were saying, you know, you really want to talk about, paying attention to trifles and how it relates to celebrating success, but also paying attention to things in our life.
An intuitive sense, you know, looking at it from both angles. Really. I really like your take on that. [00:09:00]
[00:09:01] Maya: Yeah. When I first was reading about this rule of Musashi's, those were kind of the things that came to mind, because like I remember when I was learning to sew, I was 13 and my dad was the founder of this leather goods company.
So I would always go into him with work or go in to work with him. And he would always. I would just kind of hang out and observe the people, making the bags and kind of the processes behind the company. And so I remember one day I was like, okay, I really want to make my own bag. And he was like, okay. So then he handed me a piece of scrap leather and sat me down at a sewing machine.
And the whole day, I just stitched lines back and forth on this piece of leather. And then I left that day and I was like, okay, well, I didn't even make my bag. I was so mad. So then the next day I went back with him and he had me do the same thing. He was like, okay, you're going to stitch line stitch [00:10:00] lines, stitch lines.
And then we kind of focused on like how to cut in a straight line and like all these little details that made up to the whole process of making the bag. And I remember like a couple of days went by and I finally put it together and I asked him, I was like, why did you have me just like, so in a straight line for two days.
And he said, that's the most important part. If you can't master that detail, you're not going to be able to do anything. And so I think that really applies to like, you can celebrate small successes because they all add up to this one big goal.
[00:10:36] Matt: Exactly. And you need to take a look, be thankful, have gratitude. For those small successes. And there's, there's a lot of really good reasons for that from a purely selfish point of view, to, um, you know, celebrating your small successes leads to increased dopamine and serotonin in your system, which is an awesome thing.
[00:11:00] These are your go happy kind of chemicals in your brain that make you feel good.
[00:11:04] Fawn: Can you share with Matt, what you do when you're having an off day? Yeah. Okay. So when things aren't going your way, you play a video game or something, I'm like, what are you doing? And you're like, I just want
[00:11:20] Matt: to win.
She just want to win. And sometimes it's almost like the win doesn't matter as long as you get a win, you know, as long as you in your head, even, even those days, you get knocked down all day and you actually don't quote, unquote, end up with a win. Sometimes I'll actually flip that on its head and I'll just be, just be like, well, today is just ludicrous day.
And I just need to accept that. And I just need to move forward with that and have an understanding of that and be comfortable with that. Yeah. But sometimes I do need that when, you know, It's usually pretty easy to figure out what a win looks like and get that win. Sometimes my [00:12:00] win for the day, sadly enough is the fact that I empty the dishwasher and it's done.
I can look at the dishwasher and say I did.
[00:12:08] Fawn: Yeah. He actually gets mad at me when I beat him to it. Most couples, I think, fight over not having the dishes come out of the dishwasher. Yeah, we fight. Cause he's like, you took that away from me. I needed that win today I needed that today.
[00:12:23] Matt: And actually there's even a famous speech given by a general talking about how he always makes his bed perfectly every day, because at the end of the day, even if he's had the worst day. He gets to relax in a comfy well-made bed.
[00:12:38] Fawn: I worked with someone at Aveda. He was a chemist and we would always, you know, there was a group of us who worked very, very late.
And so we were the only ones left in the company, in the building. One day I was, I was like, oh, you're, you're late too. You're you're going home late too. He's like, yeah. And I looked at his desk. [00:13:00] You know, w we went to the chemical area, the chemistry section, you know, they have all these vials and, you know, it's a, it's a like mad scientists lab.
And I look at his desk and it was perfectly clear. And he's like, this is why I'm late. I have to clear my desk no matter what is happening throughout the day, because I want a fresh, new clean start. I want to have respect for the beginning of the next day. So especially if things go awry and it wasn't the best day I come in fresh again.
And I start with a clear clean slate. And so no matter what's going on, even if I'm in the midst of a major project and I'm not done, my desk needs to be clear. My mind needs to be clear. It's about respect. It's about honoring that and starting clear. And so he would always clear his desk like that every time.
[00:13:56] Matt: I do the exact same thing. Most people I work with, they just [00:14:00] shut down their computers. They just close them up. I'd literally close everything I've done during the day. And that actually gives me a certain hour. That reminds me of all the things I managed to accomplish in the course of a day, as well as I'll take whatever notes I need to for the next day.
But, when I shut it down, I actually take my laptop, I put it into its own special place, away from everything where I can't see it because it's done. It's over. We're through with whatever work was for that
[00:14:29] Fawn: day. When we leave our home, I want to make sure that everything is put away perfectly.
Let's say we're going away for the weekend and we're staying in a hotel or something. I have our home specifically designed in such a way that when we come back, there are fresh towels put out, like everything is ready. So when we come home, we're not like, oh man. There's this mess, you know what I mean?
Like all depressing, but it's like, I make, I made sure [00:15:00] before we leave that the place looks beautiful. So you're excited about coming home that you have fresh towels and a freshly made bed. Do you know what it was made? Like maybe a couple days ago, but, or whenever you left before your vacation, it's a well-made we don't take vacations.
We just move as a family. So I, I can't speak of vacations, but. And we just move. , but to have that, is that paying attention to trifle? Is that, or is that too big? Are we going to big?
[00:15:30] Maya: No, I think that's so important. I mean, I remember when I was in fifth grade, one of my teachers would have us journal every day, five things that we were grateful for.
And I w like I remember writing down the most insignificant moments. But it kind of forces you to think about, oh my God, wait, I can have a good day without really doing anything special. It can be these really tiny moments that make it a good day.
So, yeah, I think a freshly made [00:16:00] bed definitely makes that list.
[00:16:02] Fawn: And also. I won't say what show it is, but we've been obsessed with this one show. It revolves around being deaf. Noticing how, like, at some points, certain deaf people were able to hear. Because of the implant and everything in the show that they put in the, what was it called?
Cochlear implants. And so all of a sudden they realize, oh, a bag of chips makes a lot of noise or the refrigerator makes noise. The washing machine makes noise though. Dishwasher makes noise, but like things, we, little things that we don't pay attention to unnecessarily or, or like things that really get on our nerves.
And we don't realize they're there, until later when you explode, have you, do you guys ever have that? Like, you're just, there's this buzzing in the background and that buzzing could be someone that is bothering you. Do you know what I mean? It [00:17:00] could be energetic too. And you're like, and as soon as it stops, you're like, oh,
[00:17:06] Maya: And then you kind of take this breath that you really didn't realize you were holding it.
[00:17:11] Fawn: Yes. And then I get angry. I'm like, because I realized how, how annoying it was, but when it stops, I'm like, oh, thank God. Right? Or like when the lights go out, when the electricity goes out and how quiet it gets, because all those things are so noisy. They're screaming for your attention.
That's why I don't like photographs up on my walls. Like even when I had my photography studio, it was bare because I could not stand all the attention that was being asked from me. Like things that are on the walls are asking for my attention. They're wanting me to connect. They're wanting me to have a relationship and have thought go back and forth.
And when the lights go out and all that stuff does [00:18:00] appears like the refrigerator, the buzzing, you don't hear like the electrical outlet makes a buzzing sound. And on some days when I'm super sensitive, it makes me nuts. Like that sound that high pitched electricity sound, some days I'm like, Matt, do you hear that?
And you're like, no, I'm like, it's making me, I it's it's it's so annoying. Like I can hear electricity, but anyway, paying attention to trifles sometimes no good for me,
[00:18:29] Maya: sometimes it drives you a little crazy.
[00:18:32] Matt: Well, yeah, that's why I want to focus on more gratitude aspect of trifles. Like the little wins, the little, you know, I found a penny on the sidewalk or, you know, just those little things and, and focusing more attention than you normally
would I always talk about it as I'm going to spend a brain cell on that? Cause I'm actually now going to spend some time thinking about it. Yeah. And as it turns , not only Dopamine and serotonin levels go up, which is awesome. But people who [00:19:00] do focus on these trifley moments with gratitude, with thankfulness, see increased happiness, lower depression, it actually strengthens their resilience and they report that they have more energy, more self-esteem .
And here's the, here's the interesting one. If you really think, if you, if you really have grateful thoughts, like you reflect back on the good things that happen during the course of a day, you sleep better.
[00:19:27] Maya: It's so interesting that you bring that up because the past couple of weeks, I've been really busy, like I'll wake up, do my morning routine in a rush, go to school, go to work and kind of like repeat the next day. But the other morning I woke up super early, just naturally, which never happens. And like I had my coffee in peace. I made a really good breakfast. I meditated, I read a book and I was like, [00:20:00] oh my God. This is amazing.
And I went on to my day. It was really terrible, but when I got home, I didn't focus on the terrible part of the day. I kept remembering, oh my God, what a lovely morning I had. And so what you're saying about serotonin, I think it's so true because. If we get so caught up in our routine, or like, if we start off having a bad day, we can so easily trail off into, okay, well, this day is going to suck, but it's just about shifting your mindset to focusing on the things that are going well.
And I think that's a huge part of it
[00:20:38] Fawn: as well. So bringing this back to teens, especially there's so many things happening. There's so many changes, physically energetically in your environment and society, everything. How in the world, like how in the world can you stop and really look at your successes? And what advice do [00:21:00] you have to give teens?
[00:21:02] Maya: I would say. From a day-to-day standpoint, journaling is always really good for that. I think I've mentioned this in a previous episode, but like I'm a big journaler. and that always just really helps me come back to like the tangible moments that I can be grateful for in my day. But from an intuitive standpoint, I think it's really important.
To listen to what your gut is telling you or what that little tiny voice in your head is telling you. because those are always the answer as to how we can shift our thoughts and our mindset, but they're not always the easiest to listen to. So once you kind of train your brain to listen to that, it makes a big shift.
[00:21:47] Fawn: How do you listen? How do you know who you're listening to? Especially as teens? I'm sure. I mean, I remember there were so many voices. There's the parent, there's a teacher, there's everything in social [00:22:00] media. There's there are all these other voices around you, and sometimes it's hard to hear your own and decipher, which one is your own voice.
How do you know, what is your voice?
[00:22:12] Maya: Two things. First of all, I think for a lot of people, it's hard to understand how do I know what my gut is telling me? So. Pros and cons list a hundred percent, like literally take out a piece of paper. If you're trying to make a decision or trying to figure out how you feel about something pros and cons list always helps group your thoughts and seeing these ideas actually written out on paper helps you choose how you actually feel about something.
So I think for people that kind of struggle with the gut feeling, that's always a really good way. So tell like how you feel, but then another way is just to kind of sit quietly, close your eyes for a little bit, and like maybe do a guided meditation. Maybe [00:23:00] just sit peacefully and then ask yourself again.
What do I actually want? Because you'll be more receptive if you're in that state.
[00:23:07] Fawn: What if you're still hearing other people's voices, what if things are so overwhelming that you may think to yourself? Well, is this me my own voice telling me this? Or is it someone else's voice telling me this? How can you tell what your voice sounds like?
[00:23:23] Maya: I'm just going to be honest. At first it's can be hard for some people to tell. But over time, if you talk about your feelings with others, if you begin to recognize, oh, this is how this makes me feel. then I think you, you start to train yourself to know when your thinking is actually your thinking.
It's not just somebody else.
Do you think there's any more suggestions really quickly? Because I know that's super general.
[00:23:54] Matt: Well, when I have a hard time really trying to sort out my thoughts, my opinions, my feelings, my [00:24:00] everything, when things bombard and overwhelm, it's about removing myself physically from the given situation.
I talked previously about my thinking spot and I think thinking sponsor are very important. Getting away from everything is very important. Uh, just, you know, even just to rest and recharge, to be honest, because then that makes you more open to listening to yourself more open to really figuring out what your intuitions are trying to tell you in the first place.
And so, you know, I have, I have some various and sundry routines, you know, certainly jumping on a bike and doing something physically very hard, gets me ironically, fully in my body and then when I stopped takes me completely out of it, which I think is important. The other thing I like to do is I'm very much an early bird and, I like taking myself out for coffee to a place where I don't know anybody, which is kind of the key. I used to do this when I was a teenager, I would go to places that were [00:25:00] far away from where I lived, that were fun, where I didn't know anybody. And I knew I wouldn't run into anybody I know. And so I could just be in my own kind of head space, even if I was surrounded by other people, even if I was, you know, bombarded with thoughts and ideas and whatever.
I wasn't in the world on some level, I was a little bit detached from it because, I knew I wasn't going to need to interact with anybody that people were basically just going to ignore me, unless of course I like, you know, bumped into them or whatever. And so I just avoided that. And then I was able to just be in my own head and yet, separated from my day to day minutiae, which is important
you know, it's a way of paying attention to trifles by specifically getting away from them.
[00:25:51] Fawn: That's a good point. I can relate to that through photography, because to get away from other people's perspectives and other people's point of [00:26:00] view and trying to try to see something differently.
What if you don't have the luxury of going somewhere different? You don't have the luxury of going somewhere far away. Well, what you could do. Stand on the table or get yourself low down to the ground. I'm talking about taking pictures, for example, right? You can be in the same spot. You can be in the same room, but if you can get yourself to a point where you can see things differently than what most other people are doing, I think that helps too.
And that makes you see the little trifles that most people are not aware of from a different vantage point.
[00:26:39] Maya: I think that's a really good point. I think a lot of times we get so caught up in our routine that you forget like, oh, maybe I just want to change it up. And that I think can be so powerful in itself or whether it's like listening to different music than you normally do, taking a different route to [00:27:00] school than you normally do.
Just like changing your environment.
[00:27:04] Fawn: Absolutely like the tiniest shift, right? A tiniest little shift, much like paying attention to tiny trifles, a tiny twerk, a tiny tweak of not twerk. I'm sorry.
A tiny tweak. It's a huge deal.
I don't know why I said that. Nevermind,
wait. twerk is not just at the club.
[00:27:34] Maya: twerk is like
[00:27:36] Fawn: shifting something. I,
[00:27:39] Matt: I think the word has been subverted at this point, darlin.
[00:27:42] Fawn: Well, I love the new, the new one, but okay. You all know what I'm talking about though, right?
Um, what do you guys, um, so Maya, I want to bring this back to what you do with tools for [00:28:00] teens, what you do at these workshops. Can you lead us through something that relates to paying attention to trifles; something that would be an example of what happens in your classes with teens?
And before we, if we, if we get into meditation, everybody out there please, if you're driving, if you're doing something that is crucial to life like driving, and don't close your eyes when you're driving. So pull, pull aside, stop what you're doing, and then we can get into it.
[00:28:34] Maya: One of the main things that I cover in the first class is about how to access your meditation sanctuary, which I think I've previously talked about. Um, another episode, but your meditation sanctuary is your sacred home.
And that is where you recognize your own voice. So simply by [00:29:00] learning about your meditation sanctuary, designing it, you can come in better contact with your intuition. And so every time we enter a meditation sanctuary, like you always say hello, and if it doesn't sound like your physical voice, then that's when you know you're not in your body.
So then we take a couple of seconds ground, and then if you greet yourself again, and for example, it sounds like me talking in my meditation sanctuary. That's how I know I'm fully in my body. So that's just kind of, one of the things that we'll go over as a basic introduction to the class,
[00:29:39] Fawn: is this like in your head or do you say it out loud?
This is all in your head and your mind, is there you say hello? Yes. That is the best description I've heard, honestly, because I've been taking classes and it was, it's never been described quite like that before. Thank you.
[00:29:56] Maya: You're welcome. Cause I struggled with that at first too. I always, [00:30:00] I've always been pretty good at listening to my self, but obviously life happens and you get really confused.
And so that's kind of a trick that I use to help me realize I'm like, am I actually here? Or is this just somebody else's voice that's in me.
[00:30:18] Fawn: Can you talk more about the classes and what to expect, what happens in your classes?
[00:30:23] Maya: Definitely. So, the upcoming group classes are going to be starting on November 14th.
That's a Sunday and they're gonna run, four weeks. So the 21st, the. I want to say it's the 28th and then the 5th of December. So the first class just serves as an introduction. I go over grounding and meditation sanctuary, and then each class I progress and teach students about a different part of the energy body.
So [00:31:00] chakras life force energy, how to create healthy boundaries. And things along those lines, we go over some other stuff as well, but that's just the general and each class specifically, we'll start out with an opening meditation just to come back to the present moment and then a lesson where I talk about the topic for the day, and then we will have a longer meditation.
Focuses on integrating those tools and teaches kids how to use them in their meditations. And when they're out of meditation and then we'll do an activity then a closing meditation. A lot of times there will be diagrams where you can color in different parts of your energy body and things like that, which I think at least for me seeing it on paper was a really good
learning technique. So that's why I like to do it in my classes.
[00:31:58] Fawn: Outline. This is all [00:32:00] online.
[00:32:00] Maya: Yes,
[00:32:01] Fawn: that's fabulous. For those of you listening Maya's class, you can contact her by going to her website. The link is right here in the show notes. Maya, how many times a year do you do this? So if they don't make it to the class, starting in a couple of weeks, when can they catch the next one?
Can they just get ahold of you and figure out when the next class is when they can partake?
[00:32:25] Maya: Yes, definitely. My email is on my website and if it's not possible to make the next round of classes, I'm probably going to be doing another round starting in January, maybe early February. So it really just depends on what gets the most traction, because obviously I want to work around kids' schedules.
Cause obviously school is important and sports and everything like that. But November is the next one. And then after that will probably be January,
[00:32:57] Fawn: February. And do they [00:33:00] graduate to different levels?
[00:33:01] Maya: Oh yes. So pretty much the one in November is going to be, I guess you could call it level one.
So that's just the intro. And then next year, Which that sounds really weird to say, um, which is like, yeah, I'll introduce level two. So for example, if you've taken the level one, no matter when you can do the level two, and then eventually I'll build on level three, four, et cetera, which just goes into more depth and introduces more tools.
[00:33:35] Fawn: Okay. That's fantastic. Our kids. Yes. Our kids are a part of this program with Maya. Thank you, Maya. Is there anything else you guys want to say before we go?
[00:33:45] Matt: Well, I want to drop a big, big, giant, I don't know, rock or bomb right in the middle of it actually. I think that paying attention to trifles is certainly very important and, you know, obviously, cause that's what we've been talking about [00:34:00] also in the process of paying attention to them and keeping track of these trifles to figure out which things that you do, which aspects of these tiny little things that happen to you in the course of the day, really serve you. Which ones make you feel good, which ones help you increase your dopamine. Those are the things you're going to want to do more of. And then those things that don't serve you, those are the things you're going to want to do a lot less of.
Exactly. But if you don't pay attention to them, then all of a sudden, you know, here we are, you know, we're in the process. It's interesting. From a neurological perspective, humans are in the midst of this going from being single-mindedly focused on things to being crazy multitaskers. And that has a lot to do with cell phones and just everything that vies for our attention in the course of a day.
But that's very much not evolutionarily speaking where we came from. So figuring out how to put less random tasks [00:35:00] sprinkled throughout your day that you work on at the same time, even the things you pay attention to. So I'm going to tell you, there are certain trifles, the ones that don't serve you, that you need to stop giving energy to.
[00:35:11] Fawn: Exactly. This reminds me of advice I got, when I was in high school, I had friends that were older and one of them said don't worry; having friendships is like having a garden, but it's a garden that you constantly need to weed. There are things that you need to pluck out for other things to grow. So don't worry about like, we did it.
We did a show called the breakup and that's what I was trying to say is sometimes. Some people, or some things need to be plucked out of your life, you know, in a very gentle way. But you know what I mean? You need to, you need to clear space
[00:35:46] Maya: and you'd be surprised. I mean, if you think about it, if you do three or four things every day that you don't really like, whether that's an activity, hanging out with a person [00:36:00] doing a specific task. Like those start to create just little holes in your energy system. And that begins to deplete you. And it doesn't feel good. So like, you guys are saying like, get them out of your life and slowly it starts to build you back up.
[00:36:16] Matt: And even those things, I think you're ambivalent about.
Like, yeah, I can take it or leave it. Maybe it's a good idea to really take a good harsh look at these things and say, Hmm, okay. If you're not serving me and I don't care about you, maybe I should cut you out too.
[00:36:31] Maya: Maybe I should leave it.
[00:36:32] Fawn: Yeah. Those are the things like Maya was saying. They create holes in you and your field.
I mean, those are the, it could be considered as energy cords, right. Maya and
[00:36:45] Maya: I go over in the class. I was going to say, I know from
[00:36:49] Fawn: personal experience, what happens in your classes that you teach the art of neutral separation and really learning how [00:37:00] to in a very gentle way, weed out these energies from your mind, your spirit, your body, and there's an art to that.
And it is quite simple once you learn the steps, the simple steps, and that's what you teach. I'm so grateful for that. It's so important. So energy cords are like things that you get attached to. They could be very good energy, but there could be not so great. And, and I also, I know that Maya will talk about like the length of time, there is a cord that you're attached to.
Am I right? Even if it's good is not beneficial for your physical body, so you need to learn to
[00:37:44] Maya: Yeah. What you were saying, like it's not good for your physical body. I mean, for example, If somebody is really happy, I'll see that. And I'll be like, oh, they're happy that in itself is chording.
And so you have it on that aspect, but [00:38:00] you also have, oh, if somebody is crying and they're really sad. Oh, that makes me sad. That's chording. And if you're around somebody all the time, who for example, is making you really sad. Like that chord just eventually like kind of wilts to you away if that makes sense.
[00:38:19] Fawn: Absolutely. Like this happens to me all the time, because I'm super sensitive. But like, if someone has a headache, all of a sudden I have a headache. Yeah. Because I'm, I can feel what's going on and I stay there cause I don't think of, okay. I need to make myself my energy neutral from their's in order in order that I can be whole, so I can maybe even help this person.
I can't help you if I'm feeling the same pain you are.
[00:38:44] Maya: Right. And that's where empathy versus compassion comes in because a lot of people that are highly empathetic tend to feel what you're describing. So. Somebody who's really depressed. You feel their depression, or if somebody is in pain, you feel their pain.[00:39:00]
But I think it's important that we shift to compassion instead, because you recognize you understand them, but you don't feel what they're feeling.
[00:39:12] Fawn: Guys. I highly recommend you take Maya's classes, because. Well, you learn the tools on how to do all this stuff. And it's really simple. Like I said, once you learn but learning, the teachings that Maya teachers like, you look at someone outside of your energy field and. Telling yourself, five things that are different in this person than yourself. So like just saying, this person is named Karen, I am Fawn. So there's that difference. So like things that aren't judgmental, just like hardcore things, right?
Not this person is a jerk and I'm not. Yes, this person has blonde hair. I have black hair. You know, I love the process of that, that you [00:40:00] teach that, just noticing the simple differences, the trifles, the differences in them, and then knowing yourself and knowing them and creating a boundary. You can explain it better than I can.
[00:40:14] Maya: No, you did a great job. I mean, just affirming that out loud. Like simultaneously separates you guys. So you can do that out of meditation. Like, I would do that when I was in high school. Oh my God. Walking through the hallways with hundreds of kids, I would be like, okay, I have blonde hair, they have their hair, I have my shoes, they have their shoes just to like, get their energies out of my space.
Cause it's so overwhelming. But you don't really think about it.
[00:40:47] Fawn: It's such a simple tool, but that's just one tiny thing that you learn with Maya. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my goodness. I don't want this time to end, but, um, I know that everyone [00:41:00] has places to go and things to do. Um, I'm so grateful for everyone listening.
Thank you so much, Maya. Thank you everyone; our friends for listening. Love you so much. And we, we shall see you soon. Hear you soon. Be with you just a few days again, to reach Maya, you can go to
Maya, simone.com. Her email, our information is there. Again, her workshop is called tools for teens. And once again, Maya Holland is the founder of tools for teens and it's a meditation based healing service for teens. And, it's all about ways to navigate personal and social matters through the use of energy medicine.
You can sign up for privates. You can sign up for a class and you can be involved in a community of your peers. [00:42:00] Highly recommend Maya, Maya. Thank you again for coming. Thank you so much. Very much.
[00:42:04] Maya: Thank you so much. It's been a pleasure.
[00:42:09] Fawn: All right, everybody. And make sure you tell everyone about our friendship movement, what we're trying to create.
Compassion and hello, peace throughout the world. Through the art of friendship. So please let everyone know about our podcast. Subscribe to it. Tell your friends about it, we're global. Thank you all the countries for listening very much. Absolutely. There's something that we're working on. We've been working on for months that we're still working on is that we want to have these friendship summits around the world in person when things are totally safe out there, we want to create these beautiful communities in person.
So please reach out to us, send us your thoughts. Sign up through email. Our friendly world.com or our friendly world podcast.com. We have two websites. We are [00:43:00] blessed with the richness of websites, um, where all over Instagram, everywhere you can find us our friendly world. And we'll talk to you soon. Thank you so much, everyone be well.
Talk to you soon. Bye bye-bye.
We talk about rituals in life from big rituals to small rituals. We can develop connections with people when there's a ritual, and it can be the ritual having a cup of coffee, taking a walk, going to the farmer's market or sharing a table is a beautiful ritual. And that's one of the things I would like to say is, we can benefit from getting in the habit of sharing what we're not comfortable sharing until we're comfortable at it; for example, sharing a table with a stranger. This brings us to this episode’s nugget of wisdom from our mentor, Santa Monica. Today’s topic stems from Musashi Miyamoto and the “A Book of Five Rings” as we discuss the fifth rule: “Distinguish between gain and loss in worldly matters.” Capacity. We define it. We analyze it and we come to the conclusion that love has infinite capacity. ...
This episode we focus on Revolution vs Evolution and the Art of A Coherent Community During Turbulent Times and we begin with the etymology of revolution: to turn; to roll back. The definition is really revolt, which originally meant to renounce allegiance, which is really interesting since we're always talking about friendship and community and family; the family that we create, but to renounce allegiance that's revolution. Revolution is also a change in paradigm. Evolution is an opening of what was a rolled up and opening of what was rolled up. We discuss the cause of fear and division. Fawn gives the example of Santa Monica and how the utopia bubble was getting thin, when things became more (here's the four letter word - "busy"), where people began becoming more and more busy, didn't play as often, didn't have happy hour meals as often and began to get quiet in conversation. The family began to dwindle. The free, wild, uncontrollable laughter didn't happen as much. Things felt more and more serious and soon began that new normal. So what's the lesson here and this tiny bit of time in this tiny bit of community is the basis for our conversation today? How does revolution ignite in a peaceful heart? How can we turn it around? Here at our friendly world, we always say that friendship is the key to what ails our society. It is the key to social economic and racial conflict. Because when we see how supported we are, that we are better, stronger together, as we say, we help each other with all aspects of life, we are wealthy, we are not alone and we value each other. TRANSCRIPT [00:00:00] Fawn: ...
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